Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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I'm not sure I care to be labeled as "autistic" anything, but I do care that I may need to adapt to be more socially pleasing.

I do encourage you to visit a government clinic to get an official diagnosis because you will then entitled to free counselling and career service to further improve your social skills and help you know yourself better. I think getting the official diagnosis itself is a good process to know yourself better. also, most likely it is almost free for my case in Hong Kong.

I think that's very good idea. Because your life experience is unique and chances are people similar to you will benefit from your good/bad experience such that they won't repeat it if it's painful. After my diagnosis, I also created mine. You can refer to my signature, the link. It is in fact, not just a benefit to others, you are the one most benefit from it. Because if you visit any counsellor in the future, you need to tell them your story anyway. It's therapeutic just by itself to clearly layout your story and bad experience. You can just give your counsellor the link if he is interested to know more about you. Another alternative is to produce a youtube video. But this is more risky because bad people may target you, once you've shown your face.

I use blogger.com I found that's the best free blog provider. Also, you can down a blog template you like, without design it yourself. After you're done, lots of people click on it, you'll be proud of yourself for achieving something special and nice looking. Do let us know also, so that we can visit your blog.

About blogs: I started one on Blogger and Wordpress several years ago (not about Aspie). I began getting lots of viewers, but noticed that the names were odd. Turns out I was getting 100s of "views" by porn sites, vitamin sales etc. who were somehow using my URL to get clicks on their sites, to be able to charge more for advertising on their pages. I don't know how it works or how to stop it, so I quit blogging. Very disappointing.

Not to be discouraging, but I think to be successful you have to know a lot about getting on search engines and other tricks. It's a social "thing" to get viewers. I'm not sure it isn't just another game.

"Genetic Influences on Social Cognition"
Anyone interested in genetic research might find articles by DH Skuse interesting. "Popular Science" articles are once again over-simplifying this research, so I'd recommend reading original articles. The Oxytocin receptor gene they believe is responsible for facial recognition and other social behavior is "missing" the "proper" version in about 1/3 of humans, so we are hardly a tiny minority!! And yet popular distillations of this research claim it's an autism, Aspie "sign." Like a V on the forehead for Vampire! I'm so sick of this prejudice!

By the way - I remember faces, but not names or context, like where I met the person, their job, etc. This applies to people I bump into at the store, or something like that. Infrequent contact. Some of my social avoidance is due to recognizing a face, but nothing else. If I were to converse with the person I would have nothing to ask them! I don't want them to know I can't remember who they are! There are also people whose names I ought to remember, but just can't. If mentioning them to someone else I have to physically describe them, which I can do, so I do remember faces.

Another thing I've noticed is the inability (once in awhile) to keep track of characters in a TV show or movie. I can identify the main characters, but at some point in the story a character will appear who looks like one of the other characters - I can't figure out if it's a NEW character, or one of the original main characters. My reaction pre-diagnosis was, Why did they cast two actors who look so much alike? Now I don't know who this person is, and I loose interest because the plot moves on without me.

Anyone else with similar visual experiences?

I just started a new topic - Aspergers in Non-Western countries and cultures. After reading lammiu's posts from Hong Kong I've become interested in how Aspergers is seen in cultures other than U.S., Europe, or in countries highly influenced by the west.

The general life path and daily experience of someone with the Aspergers type brain is greatly influenced by the family and social environment, but when I read research papers and medical opinions about Aspergers, there is little mention of this.

The focus right now seems to be on modeling a perfect brain (hardware, wiring, etc.) and discovering how an Asperger brain is faulty. But no such perfect brain exists; no brain exists in isolation either, but is shaped on a fundamental level by the people who raise and educate a child and by the culture it's born into.

I am 46 and I'm convinced I have Asperger's. I don't know where to go to get diagnosed or help. When I mentioned to my therapist that I thought I might have Asperger's, she told me, "Aspergers, Smaspers, YOU NEED TO GET A JOB!"

I spend all my time alone and I feel alone. I was at my last job for 5 years. It was the most miserable time of my life. I ended up in a mental hospital. They said I was severely depressed but now I know I couldn't cope because of Asperger's.

dc2610: Hello. I understand your frustration. I was officially diagnosed Aspergers only about a month ago, after years of being treated for bipolar. But --- medication, while effective, did not alleviate so many other problems. I had to point all this out to a therapist. Fortunately he did not reject Aspergers out of hand, but took another view of my symptoms. Now I'm coping with reevaluating how Aspergers has affected almost every aspect of my life. Not fun, but a necessary step.

If your present therapist isn't willing to listen, you need to find an Aspie group in your area that can recommend a specialist. Are you being treated for depression? Being depressed makes it so difficult to act - to be assertive, to demand better treatment. This is hard for us to do! Our impulse is to hide when hurt or frightened or confused, especially if as children we were shamed or otherwise pushed away when we needed help.

Is there a doctor working where you were hospitalized with whom you feel comfortable? I know that may sound unpleasant, but you must be persistent in finding someone who will listen and help.

Most of us on this thread have gone through similar experiences; not easy, but a lot of the difficulty is in recognizing and accepting that being different is OKAY. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.

What is stimming?

Someone else might explain this better, but think of animals in the zoo or other caged environments. Big cats pacing, repetitive, hour after hour. Birds pulling out their feathers, monkeys rocking back and forth. It's behavior in response to emotional pain; in captive wild animals it's due to be constrained in an unnatural environment.

http://www.bornfree.org.uk/zoocheck/zoochosis.htm

Above is a link to a page on "Zoochosis" or stereotypy-stimming in zoo animals.

Hi Dc2610,

You can visit a family doctor in the government clinic, then the doctor will refer you to a clinical psychologist to get the diagnosis. I will not visit a private practice because the fee is too high e.g. 300-500 USD. The government provide the diagnosis service or also charity funded organisation and university psychology clinic as well for free.

Regarding stimming, here is the youtube:

Real life experience on Aspergers: fine motor clumsiness, stimming and bottom-up learning style

Stimming basically is a stress and anxiety release mechanism that the body automatically does that when excited e.g. people walking around in circles when nervous/hand flapping or spinning pencil.

Last edited by lammiu on 31 Dec 2013, 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Iammiu

Thanks so much for the info.

peterd wrote:
it's hard to accept that all the rest of the world wants is for us to hurry up and die.

Wow, that'spretty cynical, lol. Seriously, who chewed on your brain that you would think so gravely? No one is waiting for us to drop dead. That's just the "negative" monster that likes to attack insecurities. Actually because we are Aspies, they tend to ignore us which is great because that gives you the freedom to be creative and run loose on the world Don't be depressed, be happy!

You are awesome. I come from a family of eleven. We are all Aspies in some form or the other, ha! We drove the neighbors nuts. They hated all of us cause we just never did what was expected. We were not the "norm," whatever that is, right? We didn't dress according to what they thought was cool, we didn't join their dumb clubs and hey guess what? We created our own stuff and we were happy for it. So they were hard on us, they bullied us endlessly, so what? Is that any reason to give up on ourselves? Hell no. I just smile at their stupid faces and push harder to show them that I am as intelligent and even more creative they they ever imagined. We're special. Don't forget that. I got my Bachelor's in Construction Management at the age of 45 because someone told me girls were terrible at math. I was really terrible at it, but I am terrible at making "ugly" people happy bey giving in. I did the math, excelled in Statics actually and graduated "highest honors" and "Distinguished Graduate." Ha, take that dorks!

Hello pinkfluffy: I think peterd was expressing how he felt at that moment, and did so because he trusted that it was safe to be honest here. Making fun of him is not cool. You can express your own happiness with who you are without dismissing someone else's experiences. That's something would expect an NT to do.

I have read a few posts on this thread about people with anxiety problems due to their Aspergers-related issues with other people. I have acute general anxiety overall (I'm stressed a great deal of the time, just a nonspecific dread I feel) and I also suffer from extreme social anxiety. I usuallly can't bear being the center of attention, though in some cases with people I trust I can tolerate it. But with strangers I just turn into a blubbering fool.

But the general anxiety I suffer from is what has me most concerned at this time, and I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can deal with it in a constructive manner? I am about to begin working again as a truck driver (I tried to do a job that would get me out from behind the wheel, but I was not successful at it) and I am filled with apprehension and dread about going back over the road. Yet I've been driving for 10 years so I know how to do the job, but the stress of this type of work is really too much for me to bear. The problem is it is the only type of work I can get that I have any kind of success at; I would love to get into some other line of work. I do have a Bachelors degree in Liberal Studies, for whatever that's worth. But at my age I don't know where to go or what to do.

People have told me in the past that I'm a good listener, and offer good advice, so I've thought about being a counselor or social worker, but even that scares me because of the social interaction, plus I feel like how do I have the right to counsel people when I'm so messed up myself?

Anyway, at this time it doesn't look like I can avoid driving a truck. It's what I'm trained for, and I need to make a living. What I need is help in managing the stress of the job. I just finished going through all the paperwork the company provided me as a new driver, and there is so much they expect of me! It is really an overwhelming amount of information to keep in my head, and I'm not good at juggling that many balls in the air. I need things to be simple and straightforward. So this new position is causing me a lot of stress and I haven't even started driving for them yet!

I can't tell them I have Aspergers, anxiety, and depression disorders as diagnosed by my psychologist; they would just show me the door, and I need to earn money. The bills won't stop coming. I really need some advice on how to cope with the stress.

And, yes, gonewild, I am going to take your advice and stop drinking. It will be very difficult for me I'm sure of it, but I will try.

Hello hiwaychile and New Year greetings: Boy! You are in a tough spot. I can't imagine doing your job since I have to be very careful to get at least 8 hours sleep each night. I assume you do long haul driving? Could you do local instead, like UPS or FEDEX around your area? How about concrete or gravel trucks, or some regular delivery to a manufacturing plant? Beer truck, beverages? In my area there are lots of local short distance truck driving jobs for the highway dept. and between mines and plants. I take medication in small doses, which you probably can't do driving.

I read a paper on pain the other day; physical and emotional pain feel the same to me! I honestly can't tell if I'm ill or anxious. Turns out there is only 1 circuit for both. When the brain gets input like "danger" the amygdala immediately triggers a fear response - it's always primed and ready for fight or flight. BUT, some area in the cortex is supposed to analyze the input, like - "that's not a bear, it's a shadow." The cortex is supposed to contact the amygdala to SHUT DOWN the panic response. It's obvious that the cortex - amygdala "false alarm" connection doesn't work! My panic just goes into full blown "great white shark is going to eat me" mode.

Background anxiety: yes, it's always there; sometimes vague, as if there's something that nags me. Usually the source is something trivial, like keeping an appointment - doing something that involves social contact! It seems ridiculous...
What works for me is to live in the present; no past, no future. I tell myself that everything is fine right here and now and it does feel very natural and safe. When the time comes to go do something, I project ahead: 2 hours from now I'll be home and everything will be back to normal. Kind of like an astronaut living in a habitat on Mars who has to suit up and go out into a hostile environment... Not much help I'm sure.