Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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Hi there. I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I may have Aspergers. I'm over 50 and I never knew there was anything wrong with me. I thought it was everyone else!! LOL I'm a middle school teacher and that is how I really came to learn about it. I've had many students that I always felt bonded to because of their diagnosis. I never knew why...

I started doing some reading and little by little I started to see these behaviors in me. I'm just here to keep learning and researching information about Aspies. My focus right now is on learning behavior modification techniques so I can learn how to "Let it Go!" It's a term that I have been hearing my whole life but I don't really know how to do it.

Thanks and I hope to learn more about this wonderfully/crazy mind of mine.I also look forward to getting to know some of you... hope that's not too weird!!

Hello MamaD: Welcome. We're only 'weird' out there, not here!

One question: What is the 'it' in Let it go?

UGH! Anything and (sadly sometimes) everything. I've been told I'm like a dog with a bone. I used to hold grudges, but now I understand that I can't change other people. I've learned they don't understand me and never will.

I get really crazy when there is something I cannot control but I am held accountable (at school) for. It also happens when I know how to fix something, but I can't. This happens a lot in the school system and other teachers tell me all the time to Let it Go and they seem to be able to do it, but I don't know how they can. I want to be able to do that so bad.

MamaD; They are social, you are not. I describe exactly how this difference works in my blog. This social vs. Asperger thing is at the heart of misunderstandings and anger on both sides, but it's always presented as Social is correct, not-social is wrong. I'm working to debunk that.

http://aspiemanifesto.blogspot.com

Hi

I am in my early 40's and was diagnosed only 18 months ago.

Since then I have been researching and uncovering just how much I had modified my life to suit how I was bought up and the expectations of others.
My parents knew I was very different but had no idea. I went through school been told I was very bright but did not apply myself.
I lost every job I worked in, bosses don't seem to like to be told how to run their business better by someone who has only worked for them a week!
I hated going on holidays and was forced to as a kid. I hated social events and was forced to attend them. my entire life until 18 months ago was a constant stress and me telling my self to pull my socks up and stop been so bloody silly and behave like normal people.

Than I read a book totally by chance about a guy with AS, my life changed.
My family now understand who I am and better I am learning about me all over, allowing myself to be me and my goodness it is amazing.
Now let me note I allow my self to be free and to express me, but of course I do not allow my self to be come a self focused tyrant with huge lists of demands and wants.

I am a house husband and I raise the kids, I take my role very seriously and I am very good at it.
My oldest is 18 and a fine young man.

But the freedom and the knowledge I have gained since a proper diagnosis is amazing.
I am leaning how to maximize my life to suit my quirks whilst happily keeping a 19 year marriage with a NT going strong.

So for me diagnosis in my 40's was most likely a life saver.

Hello NTWF: Welcome and thanks for posting. Congratulations on your successful transition.

The number of adult AS diagnosis is growing now that more of us are recognizing the 'fit' of AS that explains our histories and mysteries. AS have always been around, but were referred to as eccentrics, the 'odd' uncle or aunt. I think that earlier cultures were less judgmental because most people worked on the farm and rarely traveled more than a few miles away and socializing was confined to rare occasions.

The US is so HYPER social today - very Puritanical (morphed into psychology) in that endless instructions on how to think, look, speak and behave are stifling to any creative or questioning personality. What is described as normal is incredibly narrow.

And look where we are! Nothing works. Competence is dead. 'Bosses' know everything; employees are supposed to clack away on the computer and shut up! Our abilities are badly needed, but instead we're driven off and labeled as defective!

Hi Gonewild,

I have checked out your new blog. Looks very informative and good work!

I've already went to the first session of the career support for adult Aspies. 5 guys and me (1 female). Our male to female ratio is 7:1 which reflects that the many Chinese female aspies are yet uncovered because in other countries, it's 2:1. Most of the male cases are very severe and obvious which further confirmed my assumption that China is at least 10 years behind the US on ASD diagnosis because the less obvious cases and female cases are still uncovered. So unless Aspies with obvious symptoms like a textbook cover boy, they are not getting a proper diagnosis from the professionals. The requirement for the training is that the attendees with normal IQ, but it's obvious for me that some of the attendees' IQ are below normal. I guess low functioning autistic adults are also not getting much support in the Chinese society that still thought there are no such thing as an autistic adult, so everybody with ASD just attend anyway.

Anyway, I found the training, although basic but still helpful. It coach me the expectation of NT employers which adds up if I fail to meet their expectations.

Good to hear from you lammiu: I've never been to a support group for AS. I imagine that here in the U.S. the effectiveness depends on where one lives and who sponsors the group and of course the Aspies who attend. We're a disorganized and diverse country. I assume from what you've said before, that in Hong Kong most / all of the services are provided by the government. Not promising.

My blog focusses on how society isn't the perfect place that it's presented it to be, as if every social group or institution is made up of polite, caring, open-minded, competent and productive people! Where are all these 'social' people who are supposedly healthy, happy and mature adults? The descriptions of what is social behavior conveniently leave out things like racism, gang violence, politics, bullying, cliques, discrimination, and the big one: WAR.

If you would consider it, I would like to include a post from your perspective on the situation in Hong Kong. I would of course keep it anonymous if you wish. I think people in the U.S. need to know what it's like to be "different" in another culture. Maybe you have something suitable you could send?

You have a BlogSpot URL at the bottom of your posts; I thought it was your blog but it links to a Christian group website? I'm confused.

Yes, you can post my comments as anonymous to reflect the situation in Hong Kong because I not sure if my perspective is representing the general experience faced by Aspies in the whole area or not.

Yes, that's my blog because I planned to start a Christian support group. So far only 2 of us, so we haven't actually started. I am a Christian. I expect the demand for a support group will be growing in the Chinese communities in the coming future, same trends as US.

To be exact, the government provided the diagnosis and the counselling and workshops for mood disorders. The private charity funds provide the training workshops, career training and ASD jobs referral. There are social activities too included in the training e.g. playing board games and making chocolates.

Thanks lammiu for clearing up my confusion. I'll go back to your blog to read it.

Hi Gonewild,

I have attended the ASD training for seven 1.5 hour sessions already. I think the small group works quite well. We've 2 instructors and 6 ASD. We learn workplace expected behaviour, facial expression and group discussions. As I get to know more about the teammates, they are very bright and actually had normal IQ. They are just very quiet in the first 1 or 2 sessions, but most people pick up and change dramatically. Other ASD also given me valuable feedback, so that I can change also e.g. I sometimes speak too loud unaware and the topics I discussed sometimes are too sensitive and make people uncomfortable. I still need a lot of practice to pick up the turnoff signals in the body language when the conversation goes wrong. I'm happy with the progress so far and get to know a lot of ASD in real person rather than in WP. I mean WP is nice, but real life ASD support group is better because we're all in the same boat and feedback effectively on each other's weirdness and grow together.

Hi Lammiu: Good to hear from you again. What a surprise to hear that the group you had doubts about is working for you. It sounds like ASD are social when we are with our own "kind" !

Keep us posted...

Very interesting thread. This is my first post on WP.

I’m now approaching 50 and have always been the odd one out, labelled as the nerd or the weirdo. As a child I never had a clue why. In any case I was happy being by myself, and limiting my “social” role to being an observer. My parents relocated internationally a number of times, which meant that I went to various schools. It felt natural to be the outsider, and my parents never thought of my behaviour as strange. I suppose perceiving myself as different also provided a plausible explanation for a high level of anxiety, which I tended to internalise and not mention to anyone.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a deep aversion to any kind of authority. When I was 6 or 8 years old my dad tried to explain social hierarchies to me, and I thought that if this is really how the human world works, then I’d rather not participate in social interaction. I typically either had only a single friend at a time or none.

My special interests revolve around mathematics and linguistics, and I spent many evenings and entire vacations reading mathematical textbooks. At university I studied mathematics for several years. That was a very happy time. For the first time in my life I felt that I was surrounded by a number of people who seemed to think and behave similar to my ways.

While studying I got sucked into the world of commercial software development because I needed an income. I quickly specialised in the design of formal languages, and developed visual notations that matched my way of thinking and my way of understanding the world. Most of the time I’ve been self employed. For the last 12 years I’ve been working from home, only encountering NT work environments during customer visits.

It seems that unknowingly I’ve constructed my entire family and work context based on compatibility with Aspie traits. Around 5 years ago I first read about ASD, and realised that my son and my brother in law seemed to have several Aspie traits. After reading a number of books on Aspergers it dawned on me that I might be Aspie. Nevertheless, even though I scored above 40 on the AQ test, I did not want to trust my self-diagnosis. It took another 3 years until I stumbled across the excellent book “A field guide to earthlings” by Ian Ford. This book was like a relevation, as it explained the motivation behind all the silly social behaviours I’ve observed all my life. Now I am fully convinced that my untypical perception and behaviour is best described in terms of Aspergers.

Looking back, I have to concur with Tony Attwood, “it gets better” with time. Primary school was the worst time in terms of anxiety, and since then things have improved incrementally. Not because I’ve changed, but because I have gotten better and better at avoiding touch points with the NT universe.