Greetings and Salumatations.

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Hello guys and gals. I finally caved in and decided I wanted some attention for this thing they call 'Aspergers'. For the usual members of this forum, I applaud and respect each and every one of you for the struggles you've endured. Yeah, I got it too. Pretty sure I got a nice little handbag full of mental defects too, but HEY THIS ISN'T ALL ABOUT ME, RIGHT? .... Okay, it's just an introduction thread. Okay, it IS about me.

Crap. Crud? Oh, you moderators are going to LOVE me. I'll try to obey the rules. I have a tendency to swear a lot when I'm comfortable in a situation, because I have a mouth like a sailor. I'll try and spare you from most of it. Censor myself and whatnot, I figure there's a lot of kids running about on here that need just as much help (probably more) than I do, so I'll TRY REAL HARD not to corrupt their fragile little minds. They are our future, after all. But I'm gonna be me, so y'all are gonna have to learn to cope with that.

So, you're here to peep the fresh meat. I dig. Let me tell you a bit about myself. My name is Justin Yanish, and I'm a resident of Central Minnesota. Been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome since I was ....13? 14? Somewhere in that ballpark. I'm really into nature and animals (especially man's best friend), I LOVE wrestling. Watching the old school stuff really gets my blood pumping, and I enjoy the active act of backyard wrestling even more. Dunno why, I enjoy the fast pace of it. It fits my thought process and personality. I also enjoy writing fiction (read: roleplaying with that one special somebody), reading comics, manga, and articles on the internet, music (of mostly all kinds, I'm partial to Classic Rock and Independent Rap (Juggalos? Anyone?)), and of course movies (action, comedy, anything that makes you confused) and anime.

Okay, mental deficiencies and weird stuff. Lets talk about that. I'm a particularly well controlled individual on the outside. On the inside, my thought process runs like a crazy train 24/7/365. I've found that some people with Aspergers or other comparable mental disorders have.... missing pieces. Y'know, the puzzle piece thing. I guess that's what it means.

I don't really feel any particular way about myself. I only act and speak like a hoodlum because you know what's worse than a crazy person? A boring crazy person. People around me seem to react better to this persona, so that's kind of just what I stuck with. But when I look in the mirror, I just see myself. I don't really like myself at all. I don't hate myself either. I just.... don't have any opinion on the matter. Not a single bit. I only perpetuate an ego to cover this up. Don't let it fool you. It's just a face I put on so you'll actually notice and pay attention to the things that I say. I don't care about me. I only care about the people around me.

Love is another thing that's iffy with me. I can feel a sense of trust, but it's only black or white. Either I like you and would be willing to die for you (yes, I do mean that), or I do not care about you and no amount of pleading or drastic measures is going to get me to act otherwise. Romantic love is another thing I feel but rarely. That special someone? Yeah. I feel it for that person. But it's never happened a single time EVER before or after I've met said person. Not with a single man or woman or whatever someone in the middle is going to call themselves. I'm not the most outgoing person, but I have met many single women who are both physically attractive to me and/or are morally stable. But I've never felt that feeling ever again.

Fear. Lets go back to the "I don't care about me" quote. It has a lot to do with this, I wager. I feel it for the people around me (and if they matter, I go through a very specific process to quell or remove any dangers to them), but none whatsoever for myself. I've been punched, cut, and I was even shot at once. Never has my heart beat picked up and my thoughts been scrambled or unreadable. All I know is "Welp, gotta deal with this now. I'd rather not die." Read the reactions and act accordingly. Think a few steps ahead, and you might just get out of this clean. It usually serves me pretty well. BUT, I think it messed up my brain pretty badly. This is kind of the reason I showed up.

So for the past couple years, I've been twitchy. Just kinda have these.... ticks. That's what I call them. Where I'm just sitting there and BAM I'll jump really hard. Or maybe I'll do something with my arms. Or sharp exhale. I dunno, new stuff happens every now and then. It's not easy to keep a log of all this stuff, and now it'll happen every other day at home (or what constitutes as my home, as I've been kicked out of my parent's house recently), and multiple times daily at work.

When my own stress levels run particularly high (or even those of the people around me), it gets worse. Multiple ticks in an hour. Sometimes I snap into a panic attack that lasts hours on end. Sometimes my entire body locks up and I'm unable to move until I mentally assess it and FORCE myself to continue working so that my coworkers do not suffer from my inactivity, or notice and feel badly for my current situation. This has been the reason I CAN NOT work more than 20 hours a week. I simply cannot handle it. My mental health is more important to me than my physical health, because I can clearly feel that it's more at risk of failing than my body.

So go see a shrink, why don't you? Well, those folks make a lot of money. Money I do not have. My Mother (God bless her) keeps me with health insurance so I CAN go do this. But it's not 100% coverage, and since this new Obamacare thing popped up, I guess I have to have it, or we both get fined. Great. And if I do go get help, she gets stuck with a bill that keeps her from taking care of HERSELF. I vehemently refuse to let this happen.

On top of all of this, I am without a permanent residence and have been relying on friends to provide a roof over my head, food in my stomach and an open ear to listen to my problems. Also due to me driving around without insurance (for like a year), I received two tickets and have been waiting 4 months for the chance to go re-apply and take a written test. This wouldn't be such a big deal if I lived in a city, but I do not. Rural communities is what I am used to, and It's where I feel most comfortable. Also in this little town I live in, there doesn't happen to be a shrink in the area. So what am I to do?

Make an account on this website called 'Wrong Planet', and go complain to like-minded people.

Hi guys. My name is Justin Yanish, you can call me Yanish. And I have come to terms that I AM crazy.

The Squid expresses tempered happiness at the event of first meeting you. Welcome to the virtual domicile for organisms whom share a similar mental deficiency. We wish your residency in this site be filled with not at all bad conversations, and may you find the jests about odd shaped turnips to your liking. Your dependency on vile utterances should cause few disturbances, provided those utterances be used in appropriate locations. Many of our number, including the squid what's talking to you now, are sympathetic to your experiences. Including those involving turnips. We will lend our ears, or other orifices used in determining speech to you, when you need it on many topics. The Squid would like to express his confidence that this online tool may be used to improve your real-life situation, or at least provide your Yanishness with turnip jokes.

The Squid agrees with the Yanish that "Shrinks" are too expensive, and their employment to individuals such as ourselves can be rare. Our collective is currently working on locating a psychiatrist who operates at the cost of turnips, of which we have plenty.

The Squid also wonders if the Yanishes freezing and seizures may be a result of another issue, possibly unrelated to your aspergergian diagnosis. The Squid may freeze in thought, at similar situations, but physically does not. Perhaps Yanish should consult a doctor about this issue, or a turnip.

To reiterate. Welcome to the forums! Turnips abound, and issues aplenty! Enjoy yourself!

Whoa, I got greeted by the squid guy? This is like Christmas at Cthulhu's house all over again. TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON, JEP.

Oh, turnip jokes. Huh, there's some comedic ground I haven't touched yet. I did need some new material to get folks looking at me weird again, though. They've went and gotten all desensitized to my oddities. I gotta keep 'em on their toes, you know. Can't let them get comfortable with my usual over the top humor. (Generally if you take something too far, I'm there to catch it and hurl it even further. It's just what I do.)



You're probably correct in assuming this, I've taken some free online tests and they tell me I have some sort of generalized anxiety disorder. No word on whether this is true or not, but it would explain the long panic attacks. I wasn't trying to attribute this to Aspergers, only saying that having Aspergers is making it a bit difficult as to pinpoint where in my mind these issues are stemming from. I like to pick apart my brain from time to time, and this issue has been one that's evaded me for quite some time.



Yeah, I'm gonna get along with you just fine. Cheers, Squidman.

greetings yanish, you can call me bec. have you been diagnosed with asperger's, or are you self-diagnosed? I ask because your intro reminded me of another diagnosis on the spectrum i just read about, i think it was called "pathological demand avoidance"? It doesn't sound very nice...but what made me think of it was your being comfortable with role play (which many autistics such as myself don't really...get? I suck at it), lack of sense of social identity (you speak of your persona like it's not REALLY you), also people with PDA (haha, i just realized that's the same as Public Displays of Affection XD ) can get panic attacks from demands being made on them (such as at work?). Here's the wiki page: PDA. I don't know if that kind of thing is helpful to you at all, but. I guess knowledge is power. So. Power to you XD

Also I wonder if you have ever read Homestuck? And I wonder if you would enjoy it. It's one of my special interests, silly as that might sound XD...anyway it's a webcomic with flash-animation scenes and music and interactive bits (like a computer game), and it parodizes video games and comics and a lot of other things. Just a heads-up: it does sometimes poke fun at ICP. But just what some might call "a good-natured ribbing," haha. It also pokes fun at some of my favorite stuff like Harry Potter and H. P. Lovecraft and it didn't hurt my feelings, so it should be "safe." Feelings-wise, I mean. lol. Hahaha I've gone off on a whole tangent about my special interest XD I am so sorry D: Consider it a recommendation.

I also live an area with no therapists that can help me. There are some, but of course they are prohibitively expensive (because poor people don't deserve treatment, right? That's what our society believes...right?!), and none of them are trained in autism (at ALL, like they don't even know the diagnostic criteria), and you might think that that wouldn't be that important, since I only need to see someone about my anxiety and depression, but oh my god. It really is important. I have ended up spending entire sessions (which I had to pay for!!) educating my therapist about my condition. That, to me, is robbery.

I hope WrongPlanet can help you like it's helped me. I just take comfort in all these other people being at least somewhat like me, in a society where so very, very few people are like me. Also a lot of people on here help each other out with coping mechanisms, which I've found to be very helpful. Welcome!

Oh, 'sup Bec. Nice to meet you.

Nah, I was diagnosed. This PDA thing sounds interesting, but at first glance there's a lot of things that don't match up. I thank you for the information, I was unaware of this mental ..... thing. I'll have to do more research on it, but I'm pretty sure they got my diagnosis correct. I'm also a pretty honest guy, so I don't really ever lie about things that are important to me (like mental health issues). And the only thing I fake is my way of wording things (because it's less exhausting than trying to speak as I do with close friends, less backtracking and re-explaining). What do I mean like this? Pardon my french, but I may seem like a hood a55 mofo and I may seem aggressive, but that's simply to call attention to the things I say. If I talk how I think, I get less input from the world around me, which makes it seriously a total B* to learn anything. I was raised on a freaking hobby farm in MINNESOTA. So I didn't get a ton of daily interaction with lots and lots of people.



Yeah, I read that and Problem Sleuth. Not really up to date on Homestuck, and I forgot a bit of the relevant plot. But I do remember that it's pretty much ridiculous, and Andrew Hussie writes like a drug dealer sells drugs.



I hear ya man, I was just thinking this week that I wanted a shrink that dealt with much worse issues than I do. Somebody that's just a nutcase in a professional little package. He's so good at appearing sane, he made it his job to teach others how to do it too. Not just somebody who read a few books, played the 'lets just say what they want to hear' game in college for 4-8 years, and turned out to be pretty good at it. NO. I want A STARK RAVING MADMAN telling me how to not scare the life out of my loved ones when my thought process resembles a washing machine on spin cycle, and if he figured out how to slow down the spinning, great news.

I didn't mean to say that I thought you might be a liar or fake! I didn't realize what I said could be taken that way. You seem very genuine to me.

I think I generally come off very differently than how I even mean to behave, but I just let it go because it really does keep people off my back. Sometimes I just can NOT generate the delicate phrasing that a situation may require, so I come off as coarse and insensitive when I actually care very much about my friends' feelings, and I just have to hope that they know me well enough to understand I am just trying to say a thing, and that I am not trying to hurt them. And in fact those are the only kinds of friends I have...I scare off everyone else :\

Yeah, I understand completely, man. I just did that exact thing that you're worried about there. I wasn't assuming you called me a liar or a fake or whatever, I understood what you were saying. I just worded it wrong. It was a mistake I made in attempts to let you know that I don't carry some sort of fake persona. I am actually as I appear, I just use simpler language to try and keep that exact thing from happening. But I did this to someone with Aspergers, so it just started a chain reaction of continued awkwardness.

Screw it, lets just be us. I'm a pretty hard guy to offend, even if you're trying to. Just talk real talk, and word it the best you can. I'm not worried about people spouting off at the mouth at me, and I'd enjoy it if people wouldn't waste their efforts on being worried about the same thing.

So uh, yeah. We cool, man.

Independent rap... do you like Aesop Rock?

Welcome to WP

Heck yes, I like Aesop Rock. I rock his music like a theme song. And let me admit that his newest one, Skelethon WAS AMAZING. ZZZ Top? Yes. Cycles to Gehenna? Yes. Ruby '81? It makes me tear up every time, man. "Everybody said good dog." Gopher guts is really awesome too.

Lovely. The wisdom of his lyrics astounds me. Welcome, and hit me up if you ever want to talk music. I love everything -opera to metal- just maybe not modern country so much.