Diagnosed later in life

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Hi

I am in my 50s and was diagnosed in my late 40s. I always knew that there was something about me which was different but put it down to a very odd and dysfunctional childhood. I sought diagnosis after a friend who had an asd child saw the symptoms in me. It took a year to wait for diagnosis by which time i had done all the self tests and knew what the answer would be.

Initially diagnosis came as a blessing insofar as it explained my obsessive traits and social awkwardness. It allowed me to insure that I avoid circumstances which make me anxious. On the downside I have found it depressing to know that I wont ever have long term friends. Only my wife bucks this trend. Perhaps this isnt surprising as I am much better one-to-one than in a crowd.

I now work alone as much as I can and although not reclusive, much prefer my wife to be my interface with the NT world. I avoid all social interaction which is not planned, formulaic or systemic in nature. When I have to be sociable, the diagnosis does at least serve as a brake on things I might otherwise say or do..

For the main part my colleagues and acquaintances don't know because I don't generally mention it, but I imagine several of them have either guessed or have heard rumours.

Some of the posts on this forum have really resonated with my own experiences, so its time to join and say hello..

Hi, welcome ! !

Hey silentmode welcome.

It sounds like you would like to have a few friends besides your wife for social interaction.

For most Aspies, social interaction related to special interests is often the least stressing--perhaps you might find some friends via a hobby or something similar. Perhaps your wife could assist as well--driving is very stressful for most Aspies--having your wife drive you to a club meeting would make make the event less stressful.

And, as you have found, while you want to be yourself, you need to compromise a little and avoid things that are overly harsh to potential friends.

You will find that friends respect the effort you make to help them, and may reciprocate in surprising ways--I had a friend drive me to the rehab hospital multiple times...

There are other acquaintances that, seeing that you are helpful, ask for more than is reasonable. Not friend material.

Welcome aboard, and Merry Christmas to you. Like you I am in the second half-century of my life and only identified as being on the spectrum in my 60s. There are a few of us here, though there are members of all ages who will relate to your experience.

What people often find in their first few months on WP is that they are more ASD than they initially thought - as they recognize more and more facets from what other members post and discuss. This was certainly true for me.

The book most favoured here is Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Aspergers. If you haven't read it already, may I recommend it to you. One thing Attwood says is that many ASD men tend to marry NT women, and ASD women tend to marry ASD men; this is generally true in my own observations (though many ASD women don't marry at all - there aren't enough ASD men to go around perhaps...).

Welcome and I hope your integration here will be interesting, comfortable, enlightening and add good things to your life.

B19: You're a professor, huh?

I didn't realize that!

I have an admiration for Academia--especially when the academics get out of the Ivory Tower.

Thanks B19.. I know Atwood's work. It was suggested by my doctor that the split is 50/50 men and women but that women seem to be able to hide asd better..

I have been diagnosed for a few years but in no way am fully conversant with the condition.. who is I wonder?

It's certainly around 50/50 here on WrongPlanet.

Being diagnosed later in life does lead to a "Eureka" moment for many. To quote Wikipedia Eureka "... refers to the common human experience of suddenly understanding a previously incomprehensible problem or concept". I would suggest that a diagnosis by a specialist is just an opinion, whereas a Eureka moment for the individual is the truly defining event, when they can say "that explains so much that was seemingly unexplainable".

I have found it!

I believe "Eureka" was used by Archimedes (circa 300 BC or so) when he was able to determine that the volume (weight--though not exactly) of the person who sits in a bathtub is the same as the volume of the water which the person "displaces" after the process of having a seat in the bathtub is completed.

I can relate to that. Then for a time there was a bit of a grieving process where I mourned the waste of time regarding the past, the waste of opportunities, the waste of being misunderstood for so many decades, the waste from misunderstanding myself, and for my children when they were growing up. If only I had known... I came out of that when it ran its course and into a fuller version of myself. No waste now. We have all survived and rebuilt lives that satisfy us personally, for the most part.