I'm very new, and looking to relate/cope (not diagnosed)

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I'm so glad you have an appointment to see a therapist. I know it's daunting, but you will be ok. It may take time to open up to them, it may not, but it doesn't matter as long as you feel comfortable with them as you will feel able to talk at some point.
I understand what you're saying with having mixed feelings on this, I did too. But once I had been told by a professional that I wasn't imagining it all, it was such a relief. And to be honest, I don't see this as something that needs fixing because it's just part of you. You're still you, you still possess the same wonderful qualities and no less than someone without Asperger's. It's just that you work a little differently, and some things you may struggle with more than others. But I think it's important to remember that those without Asperger's still have their struggles too, and what they struggle with may be your strengths.
Completely relate to the worry of telling your mum, I was worried about speaking to my mum too. I just asked her a few things about my development. My two youngest children have been delayed in their speech, so I used that to ask about myself. Maybe there's something you can use as an excuse to ask, if you don't want to tell her just yet? Or, if she knows you're seeing a therapist soon, maybe just say that they've asked you to ask about your childhood and development, it's not unusual for them to ask about that anyway.
Anxiety is awful, I hope you find a way to deal with that. I found acupuncture a miracle. It's not for everyone, but it really saved me. I had hit rock bottom because of anxiety and I wasn't coping and was on Diazepam every single day for four years. After the first acupuncture session I stopped taking the Diazepam that night. I just didn't feel I needed it, which was amazing. I have managed ever since without medication, and it's been about fifteen months now. I still suffer with anxiety each day, but it's manageable.

Welcome to WP I haven't read the whole thread, but based on your initial post, I'd say AS sounds like a reasonable explanation for your difficulties. Interestingly, one of the most prominent things that stood out to me which suggested AS was your comment that your favourite letter is G. This is a very "off-kilter" and specific thing to enjoy. Most NTs do not have a favourite letter, as they don't find such things relevant, nor do they pay enough attention to small details like the shape or curve of a letter (or, as in the case of synaesthetes, its colour) to develop such an interest in, or affinity for such things.

I find it fascinating. I really love the letter C. I have no idea why, but I have always favoured it. And I've always seen letters, words, numbers in colours. Letters have a gender, numbers I'm quite OCD about and only like odd numbers (a few evens but not many) and they have personalities. I didn't realise it was an actual thing until a few weeks ago, I thought I was just really weird! I posted an article about it on Facebook and then discovered a friend had the same. First time ever I've known anyone else with this.

you are a synesthete...
there are quite a few on WP