Hi everyone! Think I have Asperger's

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Hi everyone!
Sorry for not giving my real name here but it's very rare if not unique, so I'd rather err on the side of caution.

My younger brother was recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism (luckily for him at the beginning of his school career), and I have realised, having researched the symptoms and signs of Asperger's, this most likely applies to me, too.

At an early age I always used to have extreme tantrums when I could not get my own way. Common for a lot of kids perhaps, but I used to go quite overboard and they were very frequent. If I fell over and hurt myself or something like that, I would cry but my main emotion would be anger, and I would lash out at anybody who came to comfort me.

I can understand everyone else's body language just fine, but am well aware that I display very little myself. I physically have to force myself to show body language, and find this difficult because it is very much a conscious effort - feels like speaking a foreign language that I can't really speak.

I had friends going through school, and still have friends now, but have always been the sort that has a couple of close friends rather than many casual friends. In many aspects I miss childhood, and certainly don't feel like an adult despite being in my early 20s.

I hate change, and a big change in my life such as moving house or transitioning between countries (will explain in a minute) throw me off-balance and make me feel panicked, even though I mask this. I am in the process of moving house, and the feeling of the balance being upset is so strong I'm having to force myself to believe that it really isn't a big deal.

At school I was considered to be very intelligent, but it was not across the board. Subjects like history, geography and English literature interested me very little, and as a result I found it impossible to invest any time in them. I was good at maths and science, but my real forté is languages: from the moment we started learning foreign languages I became obsessively interested and picked them up in no time. I trod water in the other subjects and pretty much focused exclusively on languages. Ended up at the top university in the UK (no, not Oxford ), but only lasted until the second year.

This was because I cannot meet deadlines - full stop. I will try any manner of deception to wriggle out of doing any homework or anything that is not strictly necessary. I didn't do any homework during my first year, and still passed the exams. I cannot motivate myself to complete any task, and end up in a vicious circle where I stop going to lessons because I don't want to face the teacher, because I haven't done the task. This led to a nervous breakdown in the second year, where I was diagnosed with depression and ended up returning home to my parents in a very unsettled state.

Since then I've got a full-time (unskilled) job, I rent a place, run a car etc. I try to avoid getting myself into deadline situations, and financially I survive because I do not live beyond my means, and earn an acceptable amount. However, I'm just treading water, not going anywhere in my life. I can pick up a new language in months, but you need a degree to work with languages for any decent money. Even then it helps if you studied Law or Politics as well, which I would be incapable of due to lack of interest.

What I mentioned above about transitioning between countries, I got to Italy and stay with a friend every year for a few weeks. I have been doing this for many years, and as a result I can speak Italian and understand it very well, not to toot my own horn. When in Italy I see it just as the way to communicate rather than a foreign language. When in Italy, a thing with wheels that transports passengers is a macchina - a car is what you say when you're in the UK. When returning to England I get overwhelmed by the change, and it takes a couple of weeks to adjust back. It just feels so different. How can these people not understand Italian? How can it be that I can use the word strada to talk about a street for two weeks, then after a 2-hour flight, I can try that and just get blank looks?
Weird I know, but it's just such a bizarre sensation.

Anyway, sorry for my long introduction. Hope you're all well, and I look forward to participating in the forum!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey cambiadiscorso welcome.

Reading your post I honestly felt like I was reading my own story. I have many, many of your issues and 'quirks'. I am older than you but still feel like a teenager, I still have dreams about being late for school. People usually think I am younger than my age too, I was mistaken for 14-17 in my early twenties, and people still think I am no older than 24 now. I also have your issue with procrastination and being unable to complete tasks, due to this I only have one vocational qualification and one GCSE (that I got at college not school). I used to just dismissed this as me not being an academic person. I think now it is more complex than that. With languages I would love to have your skill of speaking the languages I can pick up understanding languages really easily and am really good at pronunciation, but no matter how much I study I cannot make conversation. Although I am new here myself, I would like to welcome you anyway.

Regards

Astro

Welcome to Wrong Planet!