On the cusp of 30 and unable to cope any longer

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I don't know if my ever-worsening sensory issues and social difficulties are due to my major depressive disorder (diagnosed), emotional and physical abuse as a child, Sensory Processing Disorder, or, as has been just recently suggested, Asperger's / ASD.

I just started working with a therapist about 6 months ago. We've focused on my past as an abused child, which is something I've tried very hard to pretend never happened. As I've started to acknowledge myself a little, I've noticed that my meltdowns are not what I assumed (pressure release from too-strict emotional control) but actually a reaction to external stimulation, typically auditory and visual, occasionally physical as well. Thinking that this was a physical complaint, I sought out a more holistically-minded doctor and scheduled a physical. After an exhaustive interview she recommended labs be drawn to check hormone levels and she suggested I be tested for Asperger's.

This really caused me turmoil. As I've read and researched, I'm still not sure. I keep scoring on the neurodiverse side of self-tests, and my husband seems fairly convinced that I fit the profile. But research also shows that child abuse can change how a person develops socially and emotionally. So for now I read, I learn. I have some books on the way from Amazon. I'd love to be pointed to any threads dealing with similar issues.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. It's late and my thoughts are highly unorganized.

Welcome to WP!

Thank you! This is a very interesting community.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Are you doing anything to reduce the stress in your life caused by medical testing and therapy?

How stupid does it make me sound to say the thought never even occurred to me? I've operated under such a high stress level for so long that it just becomes a way of life. I was hospitalized for a week last year for mental break down. But as a mom to several young children, finding the space for my therapy visits and now medical tests is as much as I can fit into my schedule, between child care and working from home. I've been looking at taking the time for therapy as a destressor. Seeing it as something that adds stress is new thought.

Yes, that could be it--you can't cope because there is just too much stress in your life--and adding medical tests is just adding more.

Hey borgwoman welcome.

Welcome! I too am unsure if my symptoms are from Asperger's or from the abuse I experienced as a child. I hope you find some answers or at least ways to cope and feel better.

I feel as though I could've easily written what you've written here. Our scenarios nearly mirror each other. If anything, you should find some like-minded people here (like myself) who at least understand when no one else seems to.

Welcome.

Thank you all for the welcomes. Maybe we should start a thread elsewhere to discuss some of this. Glad I'm not the only one in this (crappy) situation.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I'll be turning 26 in June, yet to this day, I am often still treated like a child.