A way too long introduction

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Greetings, Wrong Planet! I made my account a few weeks back, but I haven't had the time to actually post an introduction, so here I go.

I'm a 17 year old girl from Norway. I started suspecting I have AS about a month ago, and I'm in the process of getting a professional assessment. Currently they're suspecting both ADHD and AS, so we'll see which one I end up with I personally identify more with aspies, though. I've had AS traits my whole life, but I'm only now starting to struggle in school because of them. I mostly have trouble with keeping up with and organising school work. I literally haven't done homework since 9th grade and have a habit of starting studying for a test the day before. I can't pay attention in class and generally find school very, very boring. Note-taking is nearly impossible. Recently I've started to become very stressed because of the overwhelming amount of workload. I can hardly take it anymore! My grades are gradually getting worse because of this. PE is my worst nightmare, and makes me very stressed and confused every time. Group work is difficult and annoying because of my terrible social skills. I prefer to stay away from the people in my class. Normal people are boring! I have a couple of "quirky" friends who accept me for who I am, and that's enough for me.

My interests are video games, anime and the Japanese language. Some of my favourite video games are the Shin Megami Tensei series, Zelda and Xenoblade Chronicles. I also do some drawing, but I never seem to be able to finish what I start because of my perfectionism. I'm generally a cheerful person who laughs and smiles a lot (maybe too much actually. I occasionally smile or laugh at very inappropriate times), but I also have a short temper when things don't go the way I want. I have been described as both weird and eccentric, and I'm sort of a half girl/boy hybrid. I have never followed the current trends. I prefer non-fiction and have a fondness for science and facts. I also love languages and music. My current obsession is AS and other mental disorders. My obsessions seem to change quite a bit, and they usually last somewhere between a month and several years. I was obsessed with Pokémon for a long time. I've played Pokémon Platinum for more than a thousand hours. If I count all the games I've played in the series, I think I would end up with something like 3000 in total hours played. I even played Platinum through the entire night once. I also collected figurines and cards, and watched the anime. I never learned to play with the cards; I just liked to collect them. I could name every single pokémon in the order of the pokédex.

I find most people boring and a waste of time if they don't share at least some of my interests. I don't even understand how it's possible to make friends without shared interests. Small talk is a chore, so I've just stopped trying. Still, I want to become at least somewhat socially able just so I can get by in situations where social interaction is completely necessary. I've said so many stupid things in the past. I slowly learned that it's not appropriate to say that you think someone's dad is stupid or that you think your friend's drawing is ugly. I once said a girl looked like a bunny because of her buck teeth The most telling sign of my lack of social skills is the fact that an earlier friend of mine said I should take a course in social skills. After much self-reflection, I think he was probably right. The very same friend had a crush on me when we were younger. I had no idea until he told me years later. Another thing is that I can't keep eye contact for more than a second. I always have to look away because it feels too intense.

I have mild motor difficulties (particularly with eye-hand coordination. I have a tendency to bump into things. I can't copy dance moves and have difficulties remembering them) and mild sensory issues (picky about eating and sensitive to bright light, smells and annoying sounds like whistling and humming. I have an oversensitive gag reflex and have always hated being touched). I'm prone to fidgeting and never seem to be able to sit still. I find myself constantly moving my toes and hands. Before I know it, I've grabbed the nearest object and started fiddling with it. I clap and wave my arms when I'm excited. I also have a very poor posture and sit very slouched over. I didn't even notice this until I saw pictures of myself sitting like a 60-year-old.

I have some health issues, like ulcerative colitis and eczema because of sensitive skin. The UC coupled with my low stress tolerance isn't exactly the best combination. I've had three flare-ups since I first got the disease a little less than two years ago.

I took the AQ test and got a 38. I later took the RAADS-R test and ended up with a score of 182. I didn't score as highly on the Aspie quiz because many of my symptoms are relatively mild, so I picked 'sometimes' on many of the questions. I got a 130ND/43NT. Some of my symptoms still cause me a great deal of impairment, so a diagnosis would benefit me greatly. If I don't have AS, I'm pretty much screwed because I won't be able to get any accommodations in school.

I have a whole lot of other minor traits, like a low digit ratio, but I think I'll end my post here before it becomes too long. I hope I'll be able to fit in here, regardless of my current and future dx status.

I told myself when i saw the title "I am going to click on that and read the whole thing." I managed to do it. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Hey Kuzunoha welcome.

Hi, I just want to tell you that you have many of the same qualities that I have. I noticed that your introduction was almost all negative. I know you have positive traits. I would like to suggest reading some positive attitude books and since you are a young person, go out of your way to put yourself into uncomfortable social situations, maybe once a day. Remember you will learn something in each situation that will prepare you for the next and more importantly your future. Don't worry so much about fitting in or being liked, it is more important that you like yourself. Try this: when you feel unhappy and down on your luck, try this experiment for one day, faking happiness with everyone you meet, especially acquaintances. It will be fun to see their reactions.

Thanks for the welcome. It is much appreciated.

Yes, sadly I am very prone to negative thinking. I was born with a negative mindset, so it will be very difficult to change. Bad experiences with bullying and ridicule hasn't made it better to say the least. I do want to become more positive, but I can't even begin to imagine how I should go on about doing it. I suppose your advice could potentially work, but I've tried similar methods before to no avail. I went to the school counsellor a few months back so we could figure out some techniques to improve my concentration and social skills. The result was that I ended up even more depressed than before and started wondering if people didn't like me because I was ugly or boring. When I first discovered AS, I was in denial. I still sort of am, actually. Surely my lack of social skills were simply due to my obsessions, I thought. After a while I started to realise that becoming obsessed with topics to the point of constantly researching, thinking and talking about them isn't exactly "normal" either. This doubt about whether or not I actually have AS is making me a little anxious, so I probably won't be able to calm down and become more positive until after the professional assessment. What if I'm just a hypochondriac? It's a very frustrating feeling.

I'll try to keep posting regularly

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome! I can relate to what you say about school--I'm sick of it myself.