Greetings all

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Greetings all.

I am 30, female, married and have self-identified myself as being on the spectrum. I have not been able to obtain a formal diagnosis yet but I am working on it. On the other hand, I am not sure I want one because I am afraid of the stigma it would bring. It would have to be determined that my Aspie issues are a bigger disability than having the label would be.

My dominant obsession has been the same since age 15... working on a science fiction-based universe. Its languages, cultures, people etc.

I am also fascinated with psychology and with ontology.

I do not have the trouble these days with making friends, but I find most friendships unfulfilling as I feel I have to wear a mask or not talk about my "topics". I am content having just my husband plus one or two friends who live out of town as I most enjoy conversing online and seeing somebody on occasion but don't enjoy having constant social obligations.

I am still struggling to finish school. I have only been able to get by taking one or two classes at a time. I dropped out of high school at 15. [if you want to read what hell school was: read www.livejournal.com/users/dreiamusings ; the entries titled "cognitive dissident".. that's my story]

For many years I enjoyed playing role playing games as it gave me a way to share my fictional universes with other people. I did not have friends prior to finding RPGs and the BBS (Bulletin Boad Service) world. RPGs and BBSs (and later the Internet) gave me a way to practice my interactions with people so that now I seem "near-normal".

I frequently have to deal with feeling like a "loser" because I haven't been able to do anything full-time. No full time job has ever worked out for me, despite having a great deal of qualifications. Full time school does not work out either. Sometimes I feel like, being "in the world" vs. having relationships with people... I would have to make a choice. I know that when I start adding more classes to my schedule it will cause some impacts to my marriage.

However, the less contact I am forced to have with the public the better my sanity is.

I am undiagnosed so frequently I have trouble with ever making anybody believe my life is like it is. It has been worse since I've seemed more and more "normal" over the years.

Yes, some of us look "normal" and other people don't realise the full extent of our difficulties handling the "real world" and they often don't see all our special abilities either.

Maybe it isn't possible for a lot of us to do anything full-time as it gets too exhausting.

Great to have you on the site, Cognitive! Look forward to seeing you around. I know you'll find a lot of sci fi fans here!

Welcome!

Hi. Welcome to wrongplanet ^_^. I am one of the resident happy, bouncy, social aspies. *pounces you*