My introduction

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Good evening or morning depending on where you are in the world. My name is Kate and I join all of you at a time where I am going through a vast amount of emotional stress and frustration. To begin with I truly try to stay an optimistic and rational person. I evaluate the pros and cons of everything sometimes way too much and communicate in a rather abrupt and abrasive way that can be unsettling to people who do not know me well. The current stress I am going through is causing physical symptoms from chest heaviness, chills and pain from the upper part of the right side of my neck and down the right side of my arm. I also experience pressure around both temples on my head. It seems a little embarrassing but I spend 2-3 nights a week crying for 2-6 hours so loudly that my neighbors can probably hear me as my town home’s wall is less than ten feet from theirs. This immense depression and gut ripping emotional pain is due to inability to communicate with people outside the spectrum in a way that they feel isn’t threatening. My mom is one of them and when I am not getting the certain type of emotional validation I need from her I usually try to attach an intellectual topic to the conversation that is related to the conversation. This upsets her and she sees it as most likely being rude. Talking about things intellectually with another person in the same room helps me cope with stress. I have until this day at 25 years of age no completed any college or held any job more than three days. I feel like peers autistic or not are surpassing me in life achievement and I am feeling inadequate. There is nothing I have relating to adult milestones that is the same as them like a car, bank account or my own place. Because I am a very depressed person I need to live with someone because my depression can land me unable to get out of bed for four or more days and stop caring about hygiene or responsibilities. My depression can also turn into eating vast quantities of food in general enough to make me sick and vomit. My mother is almost sixty three years old and we take in the most severely disabled kids for foster care to have an income. However the ones that we take are almost never in the system and in as little as a month we could be homeless because the boy we currently have in our care is most likely going to be removed do to funding issues. Anyway the points listed above are the key points as to why I am here hoping to gain some support. I feel very alone.

Greetings, Kate.

You are not alone with your feelings. Several forum-members should be able to relate with your experiences. I have been homeless before, the «system» itself is broken in many a way, but there should be plenty of threads around here that delve into intellectual-topics that might help to distract your mind away from painful-thoughts.

Thank you for your reply Ban-Dodger. I find that talking to a person in the same room is more helpful than typing but Ill give it a shot. My brain works fast and needs to get my ideas and thoughts out fast. My mind is a noisy place. Anyway feel still pretty panicky. It has been nearly four days.

I brought up the subject that no one is truly independent in this world and that we are all more inter-dependent. That set my mom off for some reason. She said "You have time to be thinking about intellectual topics, when I will be homeless in a few weeks!! !" I said it was a way of lightening the conversation we were just having. I'm so confused.

Welcome! I hope that your depression gets better. *hugs*

hello. Nice to meet you. I hope we can be great acquaintances.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!