New to this

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone. So I learned something about myself recently that explains pretty much my entire life. Be warned this will be a long introduction post. Sorry.

Disclaimer to start out I have not received a professional diagnosis yet. I do hope to receive one when I have money but I don't know how long away that will be.

Okay on to the introduction. My name is LaDeena and I am a 22 year old female. I also am 99% sure I have Asperger's syndrome (though I read they are no longer calling it that and just putting everything under a spectrum) so either way I am quite certain I am on the autism spectrum. Honestly I was relieved to finally know what is 'wrong' with me. Since I can remember I felt like I was wrong and that I had a horrible personality and that something was wrong with me mentally. I would cry about this stuff to my mom asking why I had no friends and why everyone liked everyone else better. I didn't think I was that terrible of a human being.

Sorry I am getting ahead of myself I will start from the beginning and attempt to list why I feel I am on the spectrum and make it shortened explanations.

I have always had a difficult time making friends, especially when I was a kid. I did have a few friends but they never were close to me. Which bothered me greatly all I have ever wanted in life was a best friend and while all my friends had best friends none of them considered me one. I was the replacement friend. The one they would invite if they had room of if their real friends would be busy. I took the scraps of friendships that I could.
I was considered the shy and "party pooper" of the group.

I have had extreme melt downs all my life. They would become quite violent especially as a toddler and young child. My mom has scars from when I would freak out and hit, bite and scratch her. When I got a little older it turned into more yelling, biting and hitting myself, breaking things, throwing stuff. Honestly my melt downs scare me because I feel like I have no control over what's going on it just happens.

I hate any surprise or change in life. I am comfortable doing the same things day in and day out, I even eat pretty much the same foods every day. I have been eating the same thing for lunch for over three months now. I listen to the same songs I've listened to since i was a kid. When I do find new songs I will listen to them over and over for weeks on end. I do not like going out of my comfort zone to try anything new. It scares me and makes me very anxious.

I hate being touched. The only person I tolerate touching me is my husband. And even then I can only handle so much. I hate hugs, back pats, shoulder pats. I just hate people touching me it makes me angry and causes anxiety.

When I find a new hobby or something I like I get so obsessed with it that it's all I can do our think about for weeks or months depending on if I find a new or recycle a old hobby or something I like. Recently I became obsessed with my bearded dragon. All I do is talk about him and watch him and read about his care and honestly I know about years worth of information and I've only owned him for a month. This isn't a bizarre thing for me to do. My mother used to complain about how I get too obsessed with things and it's not healthy.

When I stumbled across Asperger's syndrome I instantly felt I understood myself finally. But because I didn't want to just be seeing what I wanted I showed my only friend, my brother, and my husband and all of them replied with "this explains a lot."
Anyway there is a lot more but I think I said enough.

So hello everyone.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!