Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ]
20 Jul 2020, 10:43 pm
21 Jul 2020, 12:13 am
21 Jul 2020, 3:32 am
CeauxCeaux wrote:
OK, so I’ve been in denial probably....
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSD from my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not.
My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it.
When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny, when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music.
I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSD from my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not.
My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it.
When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny, when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music.
I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
Hi Ceaux
Welcome to WP, I hope you will find support here, lots of us slipped through the cracks, you may find it to be quite common amongst the older ASDrs, there wasnt an awareness of Autism that there is now.
To share a little in the hope you will feel less unusual, or as I used to say in someone elses words... odd!
I figured that I was different due to a less than ideal childhood, to put it mildly
There was something more though, something unexplained, eventually I came to the realisation that I was on the autism spectrum, then I dealt with the CPTSD. These are things many of the older adults here have in common.
To add, I quoted and split up your post so that I could read it more comfortably, it just helps me as I can struggle with chunks of text
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,306
Location: Portland, Oregon
21 Jul 2020, 1:31 pm
Welcome to Wrong Planet! 
21 Jul 2020, 1:41 pm
21 Jul 2020, 6:04 pm
CeauxCeaux wrote:
OK, so I’ve been in denial probably....
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSDfrom my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not. My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it. When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny,when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music. I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSDfrom my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not. My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it. When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny,when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music. I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
Does anyone, on th spectrum, not have PTSD? Welcome to the club.
You are talking to the choir.
Not that uncommon, here on the spectrum, unfortunately.
Welcome, fellow weirdo!
Last edited by Pepe on 21 Jul 2020, 6:22 pm, edited 4 times in total.
21 Jul 2020, 6:07 pm
21 Jul 2020, 6:14 pm
Amity wrote:
CeauxCeaux wrote:
OK, so I’ve been in denial probably....
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSD from my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not.
My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it.
When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny, when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music.
I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
I say that, because I put a diagnosis on hold for 10 years dealing with PTSD from my childhood trauma that I started remembering in my mid-30s. I finally got that out of my way, but I realized I’m the same oddball that I ever thought I was PTSD or not.
My mom used to tell me that I was prone to tantrums as a toddler, and that the only way she could calm me down was to put me in a rocking chair and make me rock it out. My twin sister always did the talking. I repeated thIngs. I think she really resented that, but nobody asked her to do it.
When my parents divorced my father remarried, and three stepsisters were in tow. I never realized how much my aspie behavior was an issue until then. I would get in trouble for looking at them funny, when I was just over expressive with my face. I got in trouble for repeating things, playing their songs on the piano, trying to fit in, and failing miserably. My stepmother told me that she thought I had some kind of mental delay. For years I thought they hated me and I just shut down and would hide in my room listening to music.
I saw things so black-and-white, that I just assumed they didn’t care about me. It’s still a struggle. It took years of learning that other people don’t see things in black in white. It also took a Conversation with a fellow aspie to realize I had the same struggles. So I’m back to here. Right now I’m just reaching out, I guess. So many questions I still have
Hi Ceaux
Welcome to WP, I hope you will find support here, lots of us slipped through the cracks, you may find it to be quite common amongst the older ASDrs, there wasnt an awareness of Autism that there is now.
To share a little in the hope you will feel less unusual, or as I used to say in someone elses words... odd!
I figured that I was different due to a less than ideal childhood, to put it mildly
There was something more though, something unexplained, eventually I came to the realisation that I was on the autism spectrum, then I dealt with the CPTSD. These are things many of the older adults here have in common.
To add, I quoted and split up your post so that I could read it more comfortably, it just helps me as I can struggle with chunks of text
Yup. I find massive blocks of text intimidating, mostly due to me being semi-dyslexic.
I often just skip the post altogether, when I see it.
I try to space separate/non-directly-connected thoughts apart from one another in different paragraphs.
21 Jul 2020, 6:16 pm
CeauxCeaux wrote:
OK, so I’ve been in denial probably....
BTW, are you pink, blue or some other colour?
21 Jul 2020, 6:20 pm
"ceauxceaux".
Odd name for an aspie, I would have thought.
Are you a commune of one member? 
22 Jul 2020, 4:06 pm
22 Jul 2020, 4:35 pm
Your experience reminds me of my mom's. Asides from the fact that ASD wasn't recognized in women hardly at all during her life, she was a foster child until she emancipated - a complicated childhood. In her 30s she had traumatic memories surface along with debilitating migraines. Now in her mid 70s it's become apparent she's most likely ASD (what with two grandchildren and myself expressing the genetic legacy alongside her) - and now she loves to put in her earphones and dance!
When I first suggested it to her last year, she was like: it doesn't matter, I'm just who I am. Now she's like: yeah, I see that. And she still is just who she is. 
Welcome to WP.
22 Jul 2020, 5:04 pm
CeauxCeaux wrote:
My original handle is Dawndeleon, but i am unable to access that name. just an odd spelling of the word "coco" My nickname, from my nieces and nephews is such. My real name is Cora. I am unsure of what you mean by pink or blue? male or female? I'm female. My apologies for my block paragraphs, I tend to forget some of us have a little trouble. Mine happens to be with numbers.
nice to meet everyone
nice to meet everyone
Bingo!
Yes, I was referring to gender.
You passed "The Test".
23 Jul 2020, 8:04 am
