Hello I am new

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Joined: 24 Sep 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Location: London

24 Sep 2020, 7:32 am

Hey, I am new to this forum. I am 35, female and from London. I am not officially diagnosed with Autism but I am in the process to finding out what it is I am going through. I always felt different and was unable to explain why. Social interactions have always felt exhausting to me but I put this down to social anxiety all my life.

Ten years ago, when I was working in a hospital, things were going on that was causing a lot of anxiety. I was trying so hard to make friends there but it just backfired and I ended up going to occupational health when my manager said I needed to see someone.

I was told to go home as I was suffering from psychosis, later diagnosed as schizophrenia. So I was on antispsychotics for 10 years. No psychosis happened. But I have a long history of quitting jobs. Way too many to even count. The work itself has never been the problem but the enviroment and people itself. I know that I often misunderstand people and their intentions and often feel misunderstood. I have been trying but it just never feels enough as people just assume I am lazy and don't want to work.

I am now told I don't have schizophrenia or even bipolar.

I don't know if I have enough skills to find a job where I can work from home. Also, I do want to interact with people but I find it so much work.

Anyway, I am seeing my clinical psychologist and psychiatrist tomorrow so will see what happens.

Romofan
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24 Sep 2020, 7:38 am

Hi!
While I have no idea what your doctor will say, your story sounds a lot like many I've heard on this site.
The exhaustion while trying to socialize, the inability to hold a job, the feeling like an outsider...

No matter what the authorities tell you, you can become a part of this, um, vibrant community

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PlanetR
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Joined: 24 Sep 2020
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Location: London

24 Sep 2020, 8:02 am

Romofan wrote:

Thank you so much. I do feel I have many of the traits. We will see what happens tomorrow. I really hope it means I can get more help to enable me to work.

Tim_Tex
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24 Sep 2020, 8:17 am

Welcome to WP!

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Steve1963
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24 Sep 2020, 8:17 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I hope you get some answers today!

Pepe
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24 Sep 2020, 8:30 am

PlanetR wrote:

Social interactions have always felt exhausting to me but I put this down to social anxiety all my life.

Sounds like you are in the right place.
Almost all my life I felt that way.
These days I just don't care anymore.

PlanetR wrote:

Ten years ago, when I was working in a hospital, things were going on that was causing a lot of anxiety. I was trying so hard to make friends there but it just backfired and I ended up going to occupational health when my manager said I needed to see someone.

Been there.

PlanetR wrote:

I am now told I don't have schizophrenia or even bipolar.

Same thing happened to me.
There are a lot of quacks out there throwing meds at people who don't need it.

PlanetR wrote:

I don't know if I have enough skills to find a job where I can work from home. Also, I do want to interact with people but I find it so much work.

I have been saying, for years, that forums like this one are better for those on the spectrum.
Plenty of time to think, and we don't have to worry about body-language, tonal inflections, etc.

There is plenty to learn here.

Welcome.

Mountain Goat
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24 Sep 2020, 9:20 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am not assessed yet. The waiting list in my area came down quite a bit to about two years and then covid hit... So I am in a funny situation as I can't work (Things came crashing down on me since the last few burnouts)... Fortunately after the last burnout I had help, so I am now on a benefit instead of not having an income like I had been in the past, and if it wasn't for the support of the local benefits people and the autism team I would have had no hope.

I never knew in the past anything about autism, and for me it was a chance discovery which came just in time.
Yes, I have not been assessed, but at least things make sense. I asked someone I know from this site who has worked with autistic people if I had any traits. I only could think of one or two. She started listing traits she had noticed and I started writing them down and when she ran out of traits she had noticed I counted them. There were 30 of them and only two I did not see myself as having. (I can only remember one because I am not sure if I have or not... A monotone voice. I don't think I have as my voice can work in many tones. I can sing etc. If I do it varies, as sometimes I will and other times I don't according to my mood. If I am in thought while talking then yes. But if I am excited then no!)

Sorry. Is not supposed to be about me. (My Mum tells me off for talking about myself or things I like). Welcome. It is now a learning curve for you? Enjoy the journey. Any questions? Feel free to ask!

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