hello.

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hello.
i'm an autistic trans/nb teen from poland and i thought this would be a good place to meet like-minded people. been occasionally lurking for some time.

i'm trying to write about... everything, since i haven't communicated much the past few years; it's quite difficult as you might imagine
so i'm making this short post containing random thoughts because i've been feeling awful recently and i need to put something out there

sometimes i concern myself greatly with the suffering of others while not understanding their decisions or how they think
sometimes the world they live in is alien to me.
willingness to participate in normal society is something especially alien to me, and at this point i'd consider it a criterion for me to not care about someone (presumably because feeling the pain of others is worse)
i don't go outside because there's nothing there for me
i want to live in a society that's geared toward folks like me and relatively isolated/self-sustainable (and my sadness about everything has recently partially transformed into determination to create it; the first step is meeting people); otherwise i'm staying in my "cave" (room)
i'm lonely
i think i have a very negative perspective of the world becuase despite not having experienced many negative things in life except general pointlessness(?) and knowledge of everything bad happening in the world and of the toxicity(?) of society i still spiraled into a pretty deep depression
i'd really like to meet someone who thinks the same way and has the same goals.

anyway it's easier to talk about myself when someone asks questions and it's hard to write everything important when there's so much of it so feel free to ask
cheers

Welcome to WP! From what you said I expect you will like it here.

I suggest that if you find you don't like it here then just switch to a different thread.

And, definitely, welcome!

Hello.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi.

I'm a lot older than you and maybe it doesn't seem like we'd have a lot to say to each other, but I can ask a question. What do you do in your cave? What interests or pastimes?

Do you know the song "I Am A Rock" performed by Simon and Garfunkel? It's an oldie--like me. I was about your age when it was performed. If you know it, how much does it describe you? I think it doesn't totally.

--Another mostly solitary person

it's hard to tell, more and more things feel unimportant and pointless. i stopped playing video games a few months back, for example.
i do like music though. mostly avant-garde/hardcore/harsh/abstract electronic. seems like i can always find something that soothes me. i'd like to explore more but i can't emotionally handle anything non-abstract.
i don't listen to anything from before the 21st century except Merzbow, so i haven't heard of the song you mentioned, but i checked it out.
i don't feel it describes me at all. it's just that i never met anyone with whom i would truly resonate. mostly because i didn't know where to look for them. i don't want to be alone. i don't even [know what to write here. can't put my thoughts into words]

my mind is completely devoid of words that could describe what i'm feeling right now

hello.
Welcome here, I am from UK 54 female. Pleased to meet you.

I also find communication difficult.
I hope this post has helped you feel better.

Concerning yourself greatly with the suffering of others sounds empathic.
Not understanding their decisions or how they think can be common in autism.
The world we live in also feels alien to me.

I feel meh about a willingness to participate in normal society, and it is also something alien to me, apart from certain groups and clubs that like minded people visit, online or off.
I couldn't feel people's pain, I have done unwittingly, when they take their moods out on me, its like a heavy stale pi$$ed off energy.

i didn't go outside, lost weight and hibernated, some days I still do, I gained the weight again, thankfully, and found a positive place where I can drop in. I used to see "nothing" but was pointed towards places by support workers.

Relatively isolated/self-sustainable sounds good.

It's an accolade on your part that you have transmuted your sadness about everything into determination to create a place you want.

I joined support groups off-line and on, I meet interesting people online and off.
I fell down by not believing this was possible, but it apparently is because now I have a hub that I can go and visit and talk to interesting people. I reconnected with a small group of friends I lost touch with, I met them through one lady who was part of a mental health support group, they were her friends, the little group has grown. They are NT, I don't get on with all, but the few I do get on with I appreciate.

I even met one who can relate to me.
I was lonely too.

Facebook is your friend, clubhouse app is your friend if you are on iPhone, I think android might do it now too.
If not, other apps are available. I am not talking about dating apps, I am talking about apps that have lots of subject matter and you can join any group within the app that has subjects you share.

Unless you can do some activism against the evil in the world, getting depressed about it will hurt you.
I am glad you have not had personal negativity.

Plenty people have no goals, you do, that is a massive PLUS. The internet is your friend, you can even connect with local people to you online and off if you get on.

I live in a small town in England but it has its own Facebook pages and I went for a coffee with one member of the group and hope to meet up again with her as she was nice.

What things do you like?
What things are you good at?
Are you open to meeting and enjoying the company of prospective future trans non binary friends, or any sexual orientation for that matter?

Hi. vhrt, Sorry you're having trouble. I think what diagnosedafter50 said makes sense. And on this particular site, a lot of people don't read the introduction threads, so posting on one of the others might get you more results. You seem like someone that people would be interested in.

I appreciate your going to the trouble of looking up that song. I didn't think it applied much to you, but it was a place to start. It applies to me somewhat; I've had some very painful experiences with people. But also, like you, I don't feel that I belong with most people. It seems like a waste of time to hang around them a lot when they're interested in entirely different things and look at the world in entirely different ways. Usually no real conversation develops. So I keep my connections at acquaintance level. I'll talk to just about anybody, when I encounter them outside, for maybe 5 minutes. My house is my "cave" and the noise of other people doesn't invade it.

You, being young, should of course get out there and look if you can. Many people have better luck and/or success with people than I've had. If you can't, there are people like me and other people on the internet who will think you're worth a few minutes of time, and that's more than nothing.

Is there a song that better describes your experience? All I could think of was Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but I don't see that it actually says much except that he's alone and regrets it somewhat.

thanks for letting me know. i'm not sure where to start though.
o
and i'm pretty sure it's just a subconcious defense mechanism
i think i'm just overwhelmed with how much of everything there is on the internet. used to be worse - i knew there was everything i was looking for, but i was too anxious(?) to do it conciously. bit of a regret. i'm slowly working on it
extreme mood swings in reaction to the smallest things nowadays don't help either
see my second post. almost everything feels like a distraction from what's important (finding/having a community) since it's something that is painfully missing from my life.
nothing yet
i prefer using my own words

i'm writing more (structured things) to post on this forum than i ever did probably anywhere
i wish i had more words to describe everything still

Personally, I was never too good at most purely social activities. I usually felt more of a connection with those around me if we were working together to accomplish something.

I also enjoy noise.

Do you know Atari Teenage Riot or any other digital hardcore?
Do you know any grindcore? If not I'd suggest Insect Warfare or Pig Destroyer. Pig Destroyer have some electronic elements in their newer music.

Hi and a warm welcome vhrt . Sorry to hear how low you’ve been feeling and I hope that connecting with others here, over time, will change that.

thanks everyone

seems like for me the goal is the community (well, more like "society") itself, [still no words]

no
and apparently i'm not in the mood for anything but noise right now.

welcome