Hi everyone
I’ve been diagnosed as autistic last year at nearly 29 years old. My psychiatrists wants me to meet other aspies and I quite liked the idea. however with the lockdowns it was impossible for months to do so I decided to try online on this forum. I live in France near Paris an the meeting there are always on Saturday morning when I’m grocery shopping which is unfortunate.
I’ve always found that life seemed easier for everyone else but I didn’t think much about it. It was only in summer 2019 when I did the Aspie Quiz for fun that the idea of possibly being autistic really became serious. Someone launched a thread about this quiz saying it would be fun to do and people were posting their score. I knew I had a few autistic traits but the result (“you’re very likely an aspie” or something like that) really surprised me and lead me to do more tests like the RAADS, if I recall correctly, that ended up positive. Finally, after reading a bit about autism and the Asperger’s syndrome, I decided to write down all the reasons I might be autistic (16 pages), as advised by some people and asked my mother to know if she ever questioned something about me when I was little. But being an only child growing up in a village in the countryside it’s hard to compare to other kids and she never thought about me being different. Eventually, I booked an appointment with a psychiatrists specialized in autism whose name was given to me by the local autism resource centre.
I went to the psychiatrist with all the tests results and my writing about my supposed autism. After talking for about an hour she told me that I am indeed probably autistic. It was again a big surprise because while I thought it could be possible, I wouldn’t dare to even suggest it could be obvious, let alone right. In fact, because France is way behind in everything related to autism, I thought that this sentence wouldn’t have been pronounced before months of work with a professional. A lot of french autistic people wait years to get an official diagnosis, and I received mine in the mail a few weeks later after returning some more tests as required by the psychiatrist.
It was too fast to be true. When you read blogs the authors are always writing about the process, like you spend a day in an evaluation centre, have your IQ tested and everything (mine was determined at age 7 or 8 which can explain a few things), and then you wait for so long you’re wondering if they forgot to send you the results. I needed a new appointment with the psychiatrist who confirmed the diagnosis and encouraged me to discuss with other aspies to get a better idea of what it is and how my own struggles are indeed signs of autism. This is why I’m here. Funnily, I’ve read somewhere that doubting like this is an autistic trait.
This result actually confirms a few things. Firstly, other kids in middle school were right when they told me I was autistic, and I was too when I agreed with them thinking bullying would stop. Obviously they couldn’t know, it was just an insult like the R-word, but they sure as hell noticed something was different. Secondly, I was also right the time I thought I was autistic at age 24 when reading about someone who found out at 30-something after experiencing an event I forgot but quite similar to the one I experienced a few months before which lead to my highest level of anxiety ever, exactly like her. I went to a psychiatric who sent me to a psychiatrist but I haven’t talked about autism, just anxiety, and ended up with a Xanax prescription which I let expire without buying a single pill.
This has been long enough already. To sum up, I want to discuss with people like me and maybe feeling more legitimate as an autistic person.