To tell or not to tell

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Well since ive been diagnosed AS
ive been running my own experiment i.e. Tell people i have Autism or not to mention it.

Lets face it i had it 39yrs and never knew about it and im the same person as i have always been?????

Though i will tell you that since i have been telling people, 6 people who i knew really well have turned their back on me,

For some reason all of them have been women so far!! !

The guys i have told dont seem arsed at all!! !

So already ive decided to keep it to myself untill the time is right, if ever there is such a time. I have been out with some stunning women and plenty of them, i had a really good time while it lasted. So maybe ill just crack on and except relatiionships will never last longer than a few years if not longer than a few days.

Has anyone else any stats on if telling people you have Autism makes any difference with the way people see/treat/deal with you?

last thing though, to be fair the women were not afraid to tell me the truth!!
But the men probably had been warned that, i love a fight and im pretty good at it too so maybe the figures are just showing women are more truthfull, im good with that as i love women.

cheers

It's great you can keep a positive attitude, rather than going all gloom-and-doom about the women dumping you. I'm sorry it's happening, though. It's kind of odd that they have been living with your AS all this time (however long that is), and suddenly they can't hack it just because it has a name. It's not like you grew horns and a tail one morning.

If it helps, having dated "stunning women, and plenty of them" does put you a leg up over most guys, AS or NT. No wonder you can have such equanimity!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WrongPlanet

If it helps, having dated "stunning women, and plenty of them" does put you a leg up over most guys, AS or NT. No wonder you can have such equanimity![/quote]

Well I am pleased to say that everything I have written is true, though the last girlfriend of two and a half years dumped me via text message right after I was diagnosed, about an hour after. I was disappointed that she hadn’t wished me good luck or anything before my appointment. Anyway this is what the message read,

“I was f*****g stupid going out with a madman for so long, you need help as you destroy everything around you”

Nice eh, basically I had admitted all the wrong I had done over my life, thinking back I was looking for redemption. Lesson learned what is in the past needs to stay in the past; I don’t understand half of it so why did I believe someone else would? Turns out they may just use it against you at times.

Lesson 1, you can look stunning but doesn’t mean its on the inside as well.

Wow ! Regarding the one who sent you that nasty message--you were able to put up with that selfish woman for 2.5 years?! ! For her to send you that message an hour after your Dx, when you're still processing the info...good riddance to bad rubbish.

You're right, stunning looks just means stunning looks, it doesn't say anything about the kind of person you are on the inside.

I still like your attitude, though.

Personally i've never had any qualms about admittng i have Asperger's syndrome. The relationshops that were ended all of them friends seeing as i've never even had a date, Ive never regretted losing they weren't real friends is soething like that bothered them too much.

As for the way that woman dumped you like KaliMa said good ridance. Keep up the positive attitude, and take it from me having a sense of humor about having autism helps alot.

The text message was unbelievable, cruel and a sad proof of ignorance...I hope that you recovered fast after her.

Recovered from the text message,
No to be truthful I have not recovered from it and she sent two more which were more hurtful than that.
I think she was trying to make herself feel better. She once admitted as she put it,
"for some reason she liked to put me down as it made her feel better"!
On top of the diagnoses then one hour later to be dumped like that has torn my heart and soul right from within me till this day.
I know I have to move on but this is the hardest blow to me yet.
I am working on it, but I can't tell if I am making any progress.
Only time will tell I suppose same as most things.

Hello

Something happened to me a few days ago (that's how I decided that I will come out of the closet with my autism, to get some advice from the brothers and sisters with Asperger, in an attempt to avoid so much suffering next time) and I am broken hearted, I know how you feel, only you probably feel much much worse, because you were with her for a long time.
I think I fell in love with a guy that has Asperger, too, after staying away from dating for a good few years and I could not cope with how direct he was with me, I know etiquette, because I read a lot and he crossed the line of decency in speaking with me. It will take me a while to recover, so good luck to us! I felt/feel so attracted to him, that it is not even funny/fuzzy...
Is she still contacting you? "My" guy was calling me like nothing happened after I freaked out openly with him, telling him to leave me alone and I chose to believe that he is innapropriate because he might be autistic, also. He was just asking for what he wanted in very direct sentences. He better be autistic... I let him know in my last text that he hurt me, I told him also then that I have autism and that's why he might perceive me "weird and moody", like I was called before by "normal" people... He did not answer yet, but by judging the pattern that we have, he will probably call soon like nothing happened. If he doesn't, I will suspect it will be because he did not dig me being autistic... ? Does it make any sense? Maybe I just met a jerk and I am getting drunk with my own lies here... I am totally-totally clueless!! !
I am sorry that you suffer, suffering from love is no fun, unless it ends with a big make up, I hope that I am using the right expressions here, English is my second language.

Let's hope for the best!! !

Hi there

I have decided to reply via private message first as its private and openly to you on the forum.

My ex partner always used to ignore me when I asked a direct question if it involved me telling her that she had upset me, even when I put it in writing.
I would be more than surprised if your partner has Autism to say the least though I know exactly why you would think that. It's just the same for my ex partner but the truth is these people are just selfish and up there own arses and they are takers in this life and not givers.

Mark

I think that you are right, Mark and they don't know that they missed out on something good/pure/BS free. But I am asking myself, why the hell do I have to go thru this? I am a professional and I can't go into detail here, because I don't want whoever I work with to know my secrets, but it is rough trying to figure out this pure garbage. I know one thing, I am honest (maybe not to myself...you think?), I am respectful (until I get cornered and I can go into a rage, without hurting anyone but myself), I am kind regardless of how badly I get abused, I am hard working etc. so all I can hope for is that someday I will find a bigger nerd than myself that would really just let me breath in peace, without making me have a meltdown every other day. I think that you are right, maybe the guy is not even selfish, maybe he is just stupid...anything is possible. The fact is that he scared the living hell out of me, I thought always that I was blunt, but I just met my Master in him. Sad...and it is going to be more sad when I will not care anymore for him. It happens always, they come back, the abusers and liers. I made peace with my highschool boyfriend. We were suppose to have a baby together in 1988 and our families made me lose it, I almost lost my life, it was Communist times and I escaped alive thru the grace of God, whoever God is. So this year, I called him and I told him all I could make sense of from my life, how I was raped when I was a child, raped of my baby, raped later as a young woman in Romania etc all I could think of that it would help him understand me. I was very calm and I forgave him long time ago. He shed a lot of tears. I felt sorry for him. He told me that he has an employee that is the same age as our son would have been and that he thinks EVERY TIME he sees him that that could have been OUR son. How sad!! ! I don't have any more comments. Thank you for laying it down for me, I think that you are right on the money!! !

thank you for being so honest and upfront its something that many people can not do.
I have sent you another PM in the hope we can continue and discuss things (anything) in general as it makes a change to find someone who thinks the same as me.
Mark

if men weren't so damn superficial and actually bothered to get to know a woman as a person before dating her, things like this wouldn't be happening to them. I am sorry that you had to go through all that--she was very cruel to you. But it still pisses me off that all men care about is looks. While I hate the way she treated you, I think you were superficial too because you dated her simply because she looked stunning. I think that instead of focusing on look, you should try to find a kind and intelligent woman, even if she doesn't look like a movie star. I think you'll be happier then.