Hi...I'm new

Post Reply New Topic

I found this site via a search engine and it brought me to a post on the general board, where I posted, but I think that post may have been more appropriate for this board. My apologies if that post is in the wrong place! Anyways, I'll just repost here.

I believe I have very, very mild Aspergers. I don't know whether to get it diagnosed - as someone said, why do I want the label? For me, I think I'd like the diagnosis as an excuse as to why I have some social problems. I'm sure my mom suspects it by now, but she's very strict, and I don't think she wants to believe it. She questioned me about some behavior and I finally admitted I thought I had autistic tendencies, but we've kind of dismissed it since. Someone we are close to has autism, and so my family is very familiar with all aspects of autism, and have seen numerous news programs and read many articles about it. I've diagnosed myself.

As a child, I used to get really 'worked up' when I was reading, or making up stories in a fictional universe I had in my head (that sounds weirder than it is..I know it's not real or anything, but I like to write and I play around with characters in my mind)...and I'd have stimming behaviors. I'd move my fingers really fast in front of my nose - I dont know how to describe it. I also had poor coordination/muscle tone. My parents brought me to a specialist, and they showed me pictures and asked questions, but I had no problems with that kind of thing, as I have a normal or above average (2190 SAT) IQ. They said I had no problems. I got teased at elementary school a lot for this thing we called "doing my face." I've retained the behavior, but have learned how to hide it by hiding my fists as I cross my arms, so that i's barely noticable. In high school, I was no longer made fun of, as I'd pretty much hidden any behaviors I used to do by the 5th grade. In a boring class, I revert to my fantasy world, and this happens. If I get really excited (usually about a TV show...I get fixated on TV shows)...I pace and kind of jump around if no one is watching. I definiately have stimming behaviors, but hide them well. I also do that blank stare thing. I drive well, but I have serious issues judging how much space is around my car - I always think I'm going to hit something even if I'm 6 feet away because my spatial awareness is that bad. My speech is not odd, and I don't have trouble seeing visual clues. Most people would not at all suspect I have asperger's. I'd say my mom is the only one with any idea. I've managed to have a few very close friends, but not many, which is fine with me.

I just went to college, and I'm having trouble adjusting. The reason is, I'm fine socially for hours or even days. But I need to retreat at times, and the constant socialization of college is a lot for me. I need to go back to my computer and read fanfiction or check message boards, or i get agitated. If my computer crashes, I get near tears, but I havent told anyone how much it bothers me. Schedule changes such can at times also really make me upset - but once again, I've always been really good at hiding it. Certain words used to bother me a lot, but I've managed to get past that. I've noticed I'm able to put a lot of my quirks behind me, but I develop new ones.

If I could, I'd talk about TV all the time to people. Specifically my favorite show, House. But I know that's inappropriate, so I don't. But I know tons of useless facts relating to TV and music, so I'm really good at trivia. My poor coordination is still there, and I just feel very awkward socially. I seem very normal in general, but I don't feel like I fit in with other people my age. I get along very well with adults. Most people would probably just describe me as shy, or maybe a little uptight. However, eye contact doesnt bother me, and neither does hugging, although I'm not real comfortable with contact except with small children. I've also always walked on my toes and I can't break that.

I know this post is rambling, but this is the first time I've shared this with anyone. I don't know whether to get it diagnosed, or who to see about it. I feel that I've devoted so much of my life to appearing 'typical', and I've mostly succeeded. However, I'm not sure I could be normal enough to maintain a marriage, and in some ways I feel that with the diagnosis, I'll use it as an excuse to withdraw socially and not pursue a cool career. I am also worried about disappointing my parents, even though I know they'd be supportive. I'm just sick of my mom criticizing the way I appear unfriendly in new social situations, and of being at college and just not feeling like I fit in. I wish I had more understanding, but I also feel it would freak out the new friends I'm making, and make me stand out more. From this description, would you agree I have Asperger's? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Thank you so much. I think this is a great place to come to for advice. And just to let everyone know, despite all this, I am a secure person overall. I don't necessarily want to 'fix' myself, or at least not all of my quirks. I like the fact that I am an analytical, intelligent person, who isn't phony or trying desperately to be what society wants me to be. And I get a lot of enjoyment out of my obsessions, which I'm sure people here can relate to.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WrongPlanet

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Welcome quirky,

It does sound like that you may have some form of AS. Maybe you should do and speak to your GP about it and ask if it would be worth getting a recommendation to see a specialist.

welcome aboard, mate.

Welcome to WP

_________________
www.spectrumforums.com - We are back! Needs more members come and take a look

Nice to meet you, quirky.

if you can function in a work/school environment and get by in everyday life, then i don't think there is anything a doctor can "help" or "fix." and you say you don't exactly want that anyway.

so, if you think you have it, your opinion is all that really matters. if it helps you to learn more about it, then it looks like you are already doing that, so keep it up. if you really want to take some kind of test, then do it, but it sounds like you are doing ok without having a score on a test to "prove" it.

as for worring about marriage/relationships, i worry about that too, but that is not really something that most doctors or therapists will be able to affect, except to tell you to that you should work on your interpersonal skills, so if you already suspect that... then just try to work on it, and talk about it with the people you date, and hope to find someone who is understanding.

it sounds like you are still in school? so i would say just make sure you get enough time alone to be weird. i have had too many well meaning people (therapists) tell me to try to tough out social situations that i knew were past my limits... so don't push yourself-- if you want to cry over the computer or whatever, just GO DO IT, or do a little dance or talk out loud finger tap or whatever helps. don't force yourself to stay when you are stressed would be my advice. i don't think you need to go into too much detail for roomates or the people around you, but you can tell people you just need a minute to be alone in most situations and then go and rehash the last house episode with yourself or whatever.

Welcome,

Not fitting in has a good side.

Hi,
I just found this site last week, of course I couldn't figure out for years why my life was the way it was, so my one friend. (i have 1) started to mistreat me and call me a loser, and told me they didn't want to be around me anymore because I could not communicate, that I was a selfish b***h, and I acted like a 16 year old. Of course their perfect, and their life is sitting in front of the tv and watching movies all day. They get supported and don't have to work, their . So they think they are better than me and perfect. Anyway, I've had about 85 jobs in the last 17 years, homeless a few times, and have no one as a friend but this one person. For years I just hung out in my little space afraid to go out in public cause i got sick of being ignored like i don't exist, and then when I'd start a job, I'd show up everyday on time, do my work well, after about a week or two the boss will come up and say -"you have to leave now, just leave" so after so many of those I figure there was something wrong with my life. My father tried to kill me over this when I was 18 by trying to strangle me, he hated me all my life so figure if he'd kill me it would rid him of his problem, after he tried that I left and drove across the US with 50 bucks in my pocket and my live just started to get worse. I couldn't survive job wise, and couldn't figure out why people didn't want to associate with me, what was wrong with me..why didn't I fit in, then I thought, s**t, there must be another planet out there I could cause this one sucks.
so after being in CA for the last 18 years, my father has never kept in contact with me but my mother is close, a woman who I worked with saw aspergers on 60 mintues and told me about it. I realized that it really made sense all the symptoms, and with my life. I goggled it and came across this forum. I hate doctors and I guess there's no cure for this syndrome, but how in the hell do you keep yourself off the street, i still struggle today. though i've been living off a accident settlement, thank the universe for that, I've been still job hunting and it sucks. cause my coin runs low. So I asked a question about disability and some said people on here try to work and not use the system. well I thing thats great I wouldn't want to use the system either, but when your told to leave a job all the time, it kind of depresses ya.and makes feel like a loser. like my one friend calls me cause I can't hold a job down. the last job I had was with a mafia guy taking care of cars which was great, but he went to jail. then I saw jobs for people like us like pet care, game programmers. cool that's great, but what if your not a I box game creator and have not these skills. i'll stop rambling here, I'm curious if anyone here would be friends with me cause i live alone in this big city in a dumpy room by myself with animals who are the only ones who get me. I'm a real easy to get a long with person and a happy camper considering what I've been through in the last 6 years. And I won't go on about that bad experience maybe another time.. anyway thanks for listening if anyone out there is reading or listening I appreciate it.

peace
ledz