New and Alone...

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My name is Julia; 18 years old and attending community college to earn an associates degree in American Sign Language. This is very unlike me to put as much of myself out there as I'm about to do. I haven't been specifically diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome; I'm in the lower end of the autistic sprectrum though. Forgive me if my typing seems like I'm really talking to myself in my head, I tend to write this way. I decided to join this website because...I feel more alone than I ever have in my life, and I don't know what else to do but try to reach out to perfect strangers in the hopes they will be able empathize with me. I have no friends outside of my family; no exageraration there is no one. While I love my family they can hardly relate to this black sheep; especially my father who is in absolute denial of my ASD. My Mom is very supportive; but come next year she's being deployed to Afganistan and then I'll really will be alone.
Is anyone out there reading this? Please...I don't want to be alone anymore...

I know how you feel, and you are not alone. On WP you will find many people in similar situations to you.

Feel free to pm me

Hello Julia:
I know it can be very difficult to make friends at a community college because people usually don't stick around campus and there usually aren't many student groups. I am curious, say you were in a group of people generally about your age doing an activity you all enjoyed, would you attempt to have a conversation with any of the people, unsolicited or would you wait for someone to approach you?

Ooh awesome, ASL. I love languages.

Welcome to the forum!

I know what you mean about family, I tend to not hate mine, but they're all stupid and NTs, so aren't supportive of helpful at all.

Thank you guys, I've been in a bad place this last month. I try to part take. My biggest problem is not feeling I'm being heard. I find it most often that if what I said isn't acknowledged I repeat it, but then when I feel ignored I shut up. Then anymore conversations with the group I wait to be given a chance to speak, which is usually never, or worse I get a chance someone interupts me and then attention is on them. I get this even with my family sometimes. Christmas was a lot of fun this year with them, but Thanksgiving was awful. One of my cousins completely excluded from the conversation (she was angry with me), I felt unwanted so I wondered off into the wooded area behind my great-uncles house and pet his cat. I use to isolate myself during family gatherings all the time and it's nerve racking somtimes now that I'm trying to partake. This has been the case for years.
In many ways I think it's my ASD and also I feel like I was conditioned young to be isolated this way. I was bullied when I was a little girl in daycare; eventually I stopeped interacting with the other kids and hid under the playground junglegym and inside under tables. The supervisors blamed me for interacting with the bullies, because I wasn't "ignoring" them.

Hey Julia. I don't have solutions, but I do have empathy. I'm 28 years old, married thankfully, and have three kids. They do bring me joy; but I still feel lacking when I think about a social life. I feel very alone, too. I am in the middle of having my oldest son (4 years old) tested for aspergers. At our next meeting, I'm going to ask them about how to get an adult tested for AS. I'm fairly certain I have AS. It's like when I started reading the symptoms and behavioral tendencies of people and children with AS, all the dots in my life finally connected. I wish it made it all easier; but here I am, understanding myself better than I ever have, and still alone, y'know? I'm a Christian by the way. I only bring that up because it's the biggest part of my life. If you're a Christian, too; then there's a whole lot of other things to talk about. If you're not a Christian, then don't worry about addressing this part of my reply. I'm not here to "witness"; I'm here to empathize. I hope my empathy helps even though I haven't been tested and diagnosed yet Anyways, it's almost 2am here and I think I'm finally coming down from my caffeine high. Hope you feel better soon.

From my observations of those who seem to have difficulty being heard in a group, I've concluded they generally share a few traits.

1. They tend to be passive speakers who express little confidence in what they say.
2. When they do speak, it tends to be quickly, as if they are trying to get what they want to say in before they lose the attention of those they are speaking to.
3. They don't assert themselves when interrupted.

Other traits they frequently, but not always have is, they may frequently be off base in a group conversation, either with respect to topic, or timing. Rather than add their own input on the subject at hand, they may go off on a tangent on a contribution someone else made.

I think these individuals would be more effective at being heard, if they spoke a little louder, spoke with more confidence, spoke slower, asserted themselves when interrupted and presented main points on the topic at hand, rather than sub-categories on a main point someone else presented.

Welcome!

Glad to meet you, Julia - and welcome greetings to the WP community.

I want to become a Sign Language Interpreter because besides loving the language and deaf culture; it's an opportunity to become more social. Isolating myself as much as I have over the years has kept me away from opportunities in life. Sometimes I'm really great for a few weeks(healthier socially and physically; academically great), but than slip back into bad habits that make me feel like I can't change for the better. Like I'll always be alone, puggy, eating gluteness food when I know I shouldn't, and allowing computer games/tv to consume my daily life. I don't know if I'm afraid of being rejected so I don't treat myself well or I'm programed this way.

Is there a way to move this forum into The Haven? I think it'd be more appropiate to discuss these issues about myself there now that I've introduced myself to the community here.

To WrongPlanet!! !

It sounds to me like you have low self esteem. I assure you, there is nothing about being chubby, or even very overweight that prevents one from having friends. I've known some morbidly obese people who had quite outgoing personalities and a lot of friends who appreciated their friendship.

I don't think one should take it upon themselves to attempt to make themselves fit some perception of perfect, or at least certainly not at once. Whatever changes you make to your life style has to be compatible with your personality.

For example, you might very well play video games for 12 hours a day, but sometime in that 24 hour period you might resolve to go for a 40 minute walk, and you do this like clockwork without affording yourself time to think of how much you don't want to get up and go on a walk. The video game will be there when you get back. You might not even bother to change into walking clothes.

Maybe later on you decide to increase your walk to 1 hour. Or maybe you decide to go to the gym instead of go on a walk.

Maybe, at some point, instead of having an entire packet of alfredo noodles, or a box of Rice A Roni, you decide to have a serving of Rice A Roni, and a serving of broccoli or something green that's not too horrible, and some baked or grilled chicken breast.

The key is small, sustainable changes which ultimately better the quality of your life, not overnight transformations with the goal of obtaining your idea of perfection.

Chronos, you misunderstand. My weight is only a small part of my insecurities; it is one piece to the whole picture. I don't want to be perfect either, or normal for that matter. I want to find enough care for myself for long term commitment to treating myself better; a more active lifestyle academically, socially, and yes physically too. All to be healthier in all those categories.

What I most desire and most lack is being accepted by descent good people that can relate to me. But lately...I'm having a hard time beliving I deserve any of it. Like I'm meant to be alone forever and not have anyone.

Why would you not deserve any of it?

I'm not really sure that the universe has paths that are meant to be. I think that is a human perceptual concept.

Welcome to WP!