Hi. Not sure if I'm welcome or not (sorry if not)

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I'm really sorry that this post is kind of long, and sometimes confusing to follow. I originally used a lot of brackets to structure it but I got an error message that this is non alphanumerical characters by new users and I wasn't sure whether it was refering to percentages or brackets; I saw other posts including “ and ' so I hope that's not it, because I wouldn't know how to write without them. I'm already afraid that now I just created nothing but a confusing mess that will just waste everybody's time. I'm honestly sorry about that! Also sorry if I misread the error message and it just meant that the post will be checked before it appears and this becomes an annoying double post thing.

I don't really like communities that much, because I always feel like I don't belong there unless I agree one hundred percent with all the things that defines them one hundred percent of the time, and it freaks me out a little. But I thought I should give it a shot, because I read it might help and I have the idea that my condition. It said I am not diagnosed with anything and I don't want to because of the stigma is really starting to freak me out lately.

I had the suspicion that I might fall on the spectrum ever since my mother told me that I had “speech problems” when I was really small and they thought I was a ret*d because I started speaking very “late” .We don't have a good relationship and fell out of touch so I can't ask her when exactly. and I started speaking very fast and in full sentences, but ever since then I tried to ignore the possibility of having anything on the spectrum because where I grew up, that'd basically make me a “freak”, and I was already unpopular because I had poor social skills (partially due to gender issues) and did very good on tests, which lead people to believe that I was just a teacher's pet. I'm not here to bore anyone with my whole life, though, but let's just say I tried my best to fit in and not “act up”. Fx I trained myself to do a little worse in school to avoid being noticed and stuff, and I was excited about growing up in hope I'd outgrow my “childish attitudes”. I stayed a quiet person, and I thought I was just the usual introvert, until last year when I made a new best friend, who is almost 10 years younger than me, and probably the first person I ever met to actively encourage me to “be myself” and “be honest if something bothers me”, which I took way more literal than intended to the point where I realized how I was outright weird about people. I have a lot of issues taking things too literal, I don't get hints, and if I could I'd make appointments with everyone on when they sign in and talk to me exactly. I usually don't go out a lot during the day because uncontrollable or spontaneous noise freaks me out. so most of my social life happens online. I usually suppress that because I don't want to be a narcissist bastard to people, but the more space he took in my life with spontaneous conversations, the more I started to feel discomfort and pressure when he didn't sign on the same day the next week or with equal days apart. I noticed how many of our conversations had points where I just talked about my confusion how I was never able to tell how people feel and how I can only try to relate it to my own experiences but it never really feels like I can actually connect, so I deal people by just saying what I think they expect without feeling it until I shut down and quit contact with them. Which made it surprisingly hard to “be myself”. “Being honest” is hard, too, because I offended people in the past by being too honest.

I don't really know if this qualifies me as AS or not. I really don't want to go to mental health professionals because the idea of weeding through all the addresses until I find the right specialist freaks me out. The idea of travelling around so much freaks me out. I read a lot about misdiagnosis and how it is common to people with these kinds of issues and how it ruins many lives, specially if you don't have the money for super insurance, and I have trouble finding a job, again, because the social part of work burned me out a while ago to the point where I couldn't leave my house any more for several weeks.

So, I don't know. Chances are I might not have AS at all, and in that case I worry I will offend some of you who struggle much harder than me. And in that case I do understand if I'm not welcome here. Feel free to comment that I should just search for other communities, because I do get it that it might be frustrating to have these people who just “claim to be AS out of self-diagnosis but have no real idea what its like” around if you really struggle way more and want to make progress, and I get if it's kind of offensive, so feel free to tell me off.

Hey, welcome to Wrong Planet! And yes, you are welcome, lol. You could seek a professional diagnosis to put your mind at rest.

A warm welcome - I was diagnosed at 59 after a life time of not knowing what was different about me, and I do not find your post offensive in the slightest.

No one can tell by internet if anyone is ASD or not though.

IF IF IF you want help, here's an idea, though it might be a stupid idea, so better wait and see what some other people say, - but you could gamble by printing off your post and giving it to your doctor, though plenty of doctors are no good.

Warm welcome again.

Welcome! Don't worry, you are welcome here whether you have ASD or not. (And it sounds like you do.)

Hi, welcome It does not matter to me whether or not you have ASD. I will not be offended.

Hey superbluevegetable welcome.

Thanks for all the replies!

I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to answer via PM or not. Is there anyone that would be interested in having a conversation with me? Or is that a creepy thing to ask and not the right time or place? I am very inexperienced at these things. My apologies.

About the diagnosis: I don't really think it would change that much for me to have it on paper. I don't really have much faith in the mental health industry, because I just read too much about how wrong diagnosis destroyed many precious years of people's life, and I heard too many stories of labels being held against people, especially if you live in a country where there is a lot of myths of people with AS or ASD being basically walking vegetables in disguise, that don't have real feelings besides creepy obsessions and things like that. I can't really introduce myself to a stranger with my condition even if I had a paper for it, because they'd either start treating me like a vegetable or argue that I am just acting up to get special attention. Also, as mentioned: It'd be a really frightening journey to get that piece of paper.

Greetings.

Hi, and welcome to WP!!

Don't worry about posts been long if people want to read it they will (I did )

If a diagnosis won't improve your life as it stands don't worry about it but reading your post maybe at least see your doctor to see if there is any general help they can give. It sounds to me you are very anxious and it's effecting your life, so they might be able to give you something to help with that. I personally take medication for neuropathic pain but it also is used to treat anxiety and I didn't realise I was anxious till I started taking it .

If you want to reply to people privately it's considered polite to wait for an invite but that isn't a requirement of course. (Feel free to PM btw I don't mind)

I suggest having a general read of the active threads and join in if something sparks your interest

Hi ZD

I'm sorry if I sound too anxious. I'm just really not used to forum things, especially not those that are based on 'common traits' rather than 'common interests', and in general I don't really know when, how and how much I should talk about me, so I avoid it and prefer talking about things. I do have anxiety issues in phases and new situations, but usually they get better on their own once things become more familiar, so I never really went for medication, and if they don't I just 'give up' after a while because if I can only deal it while drugged then it just feels wrong to me. If that makes any sense. I'm in an optimistic mood today and say it does, and it's not just my paranoid stubbornness to do things my way.

I really like your display picture.

You do not need to apologise! I am sure alot of us on here have anxiety issues especially with new situations.



Well this forum isn't just common traits we have sections for different interests on here as well. If you need to talk about things the Haven is a good place for that (if another forum in Coping with life don't fit). Have a general look around though may be there is a forum that matches your general interests?



Yeah wasn't suggesting be drugged all the time! It's hard to judge over text how someone is feeling. I have no option in my medication though as I take it for pain it just has a handy side effect.

And you are right if you needed to take meds all the time to deal with a situation then your best just avoiding it that's a far better approach. But I see no harm if it's not common thing you have to do for instance a job interview. (I personally don't get nervous about job interviews as it's talking about my interests)



Thanks! it's Vivi from Final Fantasy 9

http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Vivi_Ornitier

I didn't have a lot of jobs in my life (I'm currently unemployed) but I didn't find the interviews troublesome because they follow a predictable pattern and it's all about information that feels objective. Since I usually only went for jobs that I found interesting in one way or the other, it was never really that bad.

And I know it's Vivi. I played that game a LOT of times as a kid. I still remember every hidden loot on the maps and all the chocobo treasures. ^ ^

Yeah that's the best way go for things that interest you



Not every one would know so though I best say

I need to play it again I loved that game. Don't think I will remember where everything was though!! ! It's actually the first game I ever played completely I lose interest when the story finishes most of the time.

Yeah, it used to be much easier when I was younger, though. Now people just search 16 year olds for everything or people that have years of qualifications. I can't blame them though, as per law you only have to pay half as much to a 16 year old, and the economy is a good excuse for pushing everyone else off the market. I thought about doing something like writing, because I can do it at home, and I really like to be at home where I can have some control over my environment and do things at my own pace. I often wonder if I give in too much into those socially undiserable quirks and habits ever since I quit working outside, but on the other hand I also develop a certain peace with just being myself that I never had before.


You should play it again. I still owe a copy but I have a hard time getting into it now because the combat just feels so dragged out and long and I can almost play the whole game in my head in that sense. I tried playing it in French to mix it up a little, but even though my French is very flawed I get easily annoyed by what I consider shameless translation errors or editing.

Having a job where you can work at home is good. But you need to ensure you do have social interactions else you risk becoming a hermit I would love to work from home but I have a feeling I would lose focus to easily. Wish I could just work for my self tbh but I can't afford not to work and getting time to create my own stuff to sell I simply have no time, chicken and egg situation :S

Not sure where my discs are now for it either probably in a box somewhere with all my other PS1 stuff, I need to sort my stuff out lol. I know what you mean by it been slow with the combat but I like getting into the story

I think they will release a PC version on steam pretty soon. The loading times will most likely be a bit better than on PS and who knows, maybe they shortened the battle animations a little. Then again, I wonder if it'd really feel the same without the right controller?

I think the hardest thing about self-employement is the reduced sense of security. I wouldn't advice it unless you are married or have another good back-up plan. For a while I was pretty much a workoholic because the idea of not earning way more than I need made me nervous. xD When it comes to the hermit thing, I think everyone is different. I do think staying home is really good for my marriage because the 'hermit time' helps me to recover from social stress, and I can be much more agreeable in the evening than I used to be while I worked. Tbh I was quite a terrible spouse and friend during the last weeks of my last occupation, which required countless meetings.

Yes I remember reading a PC version is coming and you are dead right not having the controller will be weird but it will come out on steam so the steam controller should work with it or Logitech Gamepad F710 (looked on the steam link hardware page), doubt the animations will be shortened though.

Yes self employment is hard but my case it's more setting up my own company selling software so once I have the software I can work until it provides a decent income. But as I am single with full time job and 2 kids to look after it's getting the time to create the software :S

Yeah been a hermit suits some, I was meaning if you get no social interaction at all it could be bad but been married that ain't a problem for you . I totally get not been a good partner due to work, I am terrible when I have things on my mind, I forgot everything else going on which I should be paying attention to and can get agitated if people try and distract me (part of why I am now single).