Wife of undiagnosed AS

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Hello, and best greetings to you all. I come to this site and community seeking insight and discussion regarding autism and asperger's mainly to aid my husband, who is currently undiagnosed but I have recently scheduled a visit for him with a specialist to find some answers.

We've been together for five years and we've been married for one, and so far it is becoming exceedingly difficult for us to cope with one another's disorders. We both have had extensive conversations about his behaviors and strongly believe it is linked to AS.

My previous boyfriend was also high functioning autistic, so I feel like I've at least dipped my toes in when it comes to this kind of territory.

I personally suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, chronic auto immune disease, insulin resistance and mild hashimoto's. And...I'm honestly a little unclear on the exact definition of 'neurotypical' after coming here, so I'm not sure where I stand.

It truly is a pleasure to be here. <3

Welcome.

Unfortunately, the best advice I can give you is to stay away from some of the sites/reddit communities that aim to focus on the significant other's of autistic people. They tend to be more about women (mostly) blaiming everything wrong in their relationship on their husband being "disordered." It's truly frightening to listen to these people talk amonst themselves. They have utter disdain for their partners and that's no way to be in a healthy relationship.

I'm really glad your sweetie is going in for assessment. That's a good first step. If you live in a major city, there is likely to be a support group for adult autistics. That would be a wonderful place to start. If you live in NJ or NYC, I can refer you.

I'd like to give you the name of a book or something, but I can't come up with anything right now. If you go on the general section, and ask, you might get some really good answers. My current favorite autism book is Neurotribes, but its not on the subject of healthy relationships. There's a video that's really good. It's called Autism in Love.

But honestly, it's probably best to wait for diagnosis, and for your sweetheart to come around to understanding what it means before trying to fix his yet-undiagnosed-autistic features, right?

hi, vethysnia. welcome. i have autistic traits and bipolar, while my husband has schizophrenia and is also an introvert like me. my bipolar disorder has been completely controlled by meds for a number of years. my husband's main objection to my autism is that i don't smile enough. my logic helps him when he worries about "conspiracies."

Welcome! Good luck with your relationship.

Don't put too much hope in getting a diagnosis - late diagnosis is hard to come by. I'm not saying he's not autistic, I don't know if he is or not, but if he truly thinks he is he should do some research on his own. Should he be diagnosed this will not mean that his behaviour will change. For me, once I was diagnosed with autism I stopped trying to be neurotypical and my autisticness became more apparent (and frustrating) to people.

Greetings and Welcome!

It's great that you are getting more information concerning your husband pre-diagnosis. My experience is that most significant others don't "fully believe" until their spouse gets the full diagnosis. My wife, a fully neuro-typical gal with anxiety disorder, struggled a bit pre-diagnosis. She did start seeing the traits after I repeatedly asked her to look it up.

As an Aspie, it is very relieving to know that there is a name that coincides to how you act and experience the world. I'm still learning quite a bit about it. I'm currently reading Temple Grandine's "The Autistic Brain" which gives quite a bit of insight. My wife has read some books, can't recall the names, concerning being married to an Aspie and she seems to be more understanding.

In short, continue the research and don't give up. We are a handful, but a glorious handful most of the time.

Hey vethysnia welcome.