Finally Meeting Myself

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Hi, I'm new here. New to all of this. In the last few months, I began to suspect that maybe I'm Autistic. Looked at the DSM criteria, took online tests, and have done a huge amount of reading here and other places. I'm no longer in any doubt, and the two previous "intro posts" I have deleted and restarted because I was stretching into thousands of words are yet another instance of why I don't doubt it. As is the construction etc. of this post, if I ever even post it. Realistically, I may go back and forth here for another hour and run out of time. At least I successfully registered, maybe I can hammer out a post in the several hours I'll have tomorrow night, lol...
I'm 43, and it took this long for the pieces to fall into place. I didn't even understand that maybe something wasn't right for most of my life, until I looked back at things and, finally now, can see more clearly. I tested incredibly high on the Camouflaging/Masking one, like 1.5x the average for even diagnosed females (the group that normally tests high in that one, I know we all know but I HAVE to type it, we all get why I'm sure...) Nobody ever bought the mask but me.
I was the "Little Professor" of the textbooks, hyperverbal with a very high ability to focus. Tested as "gifted" in language at least, possibly math too but I don't know and don't feel like talking about it with my parents. I was the "smart kid" who nobody worried about, who everyone just accepted was "a little weird", and I guess I believed that too. But I've never been able to understand the world I find myself in. I've never been able to make and keep a friend. I've been taken advantage of by "friends" since elementary school, like the ones who were my friend in Chemistry/English/Algebra/Physics/… I can't remember any more at the moment, but I had "friends" in all those, sometimes several. Friends that would ignore me in the halls, friends that would "get mad at me" on the last day of school until the next year, friends that never wanted anything but the answers to Tuesday's quiz.
Actually, I do have one friend, my wife. We met in '04 and have been friends and more since. We are still together (and not having the same old arguments anymore, woohoo!) and have an almost-6-year-old daughter. She loves me, as I do her. In both those cases. She seems to conform to the criteria for ADHD-I. It probably helps. What really helps is that we both know these things now. As I said earlier, we're not having the same old arguments anymore.
My daughter is definitely on the spectrum. She was watching her Mr. Rogers and handflapping away yesterday. Her eye contact isn't any better than mine. She wants to have friends, but doesn't seem to know how to interact, except with teachers, which was also my story. I've never flapped, in memory, but I think I might have as a very small child. Likely one of the things that convinced my brain to not allow any "spectrum behavior", as it was "not safe." I have a recently-recalled memory (which I know makes it possible that it's manufactured, but what I've got is what I've got) that is mostly auditory of my mother saying, "LOOK at me when I TALK to YOU!", probably following being hit. Which is probably what tripped my memory, if it's real. I remember pain and confusion, and that auditory snippet. Flapping would have been met with much the same. Probably rocking too.
Anyway...
I've decided that I will post this. If anyone is going to understand why I couldn't seem to make it shorter, the people here will. Sorry it's long and rambly. I'm doing my best.
I don't know how often I'll post. I've had very "meh" experiences with forums over the years. I know I'll be reading, and I know that I identify with, and even like, many of you here. Just like when I was in school, I want to interact, but I'm not sure how, and I'm kinda real bad at it. But I think my chances of being understood may be better here.
If you actually read all this rambly drivel, thank you. And I'm sorry. And thank you.
One last thing, I was attracted to this forum in my original search because I've felt I was on the "wrong planet" for years, even used that wording a few times. When I saw this, I teared up a little because it felt like maybe someone somewhere understood. Thank you, Wrong Planet.

Hello and welcome. I hope you enjoy browsing here, and if you get to feeling comfortable enough to post, I hope you enjoy that as well. I think a lot of us here can relate to not being sure how to interact, and/or not being so good at it. I know Im not so good at it, anyhow. Again, welcome.

Hello!
Your story is very relatable to mine, including even the year of relationship start
The feeling of all the pieces from memory finally starting to make sense and forming a bigger picture of who you are - it's priceless!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello and welcome. I mask as well. I have said that I mask in triplicate!

Welcome to WP. The locals seem nice.

And you seem to be doing well. It took me until age 64 to guess that I might be on the spectrum and that discovery did help me understand so much. Though I think that, as a child, I was more of a little absent-minded professor.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

"Spectrum" Neat
I will have to use it sometime.
Wrong Planet

Apologies. I'm an Aspie and cannot resist. How about:

Wrong Planet

Oh, and greetings, jimmy m!

Welcome to this here. Wrong Planet !

Thank you to everyone for the welcomes. I'm already noticing that I feel more comfortable here, as I'm typing more like the way I speak (instead of spending sometimes literal hours trying to edit it to "normal", or the closest I can come to that, which is still apparently too long and etc.) I didn't even think about that until several hours after posting. Also, I'm less worried about my posts being misunderstood, which has also been an issue on forums before. I sometimes worry about my posts after getting home, like "Is that gonna come off weird? Was that an overshare? Did I embarrass myself?" And I never really know, because people don't tell you until they're just kinda done with you.
Wow, I'm just realizing how much anxiety I get over EVEN ONLINE interaction... I hadn't really thought about it.
I also have to say, I LOVE that I'm not the only person on here who uses an occasional ellipsis, or all caps for emphasis, or long complex sentences with multiple clauses that seem (to me) to be the only way to convey the information sometimes. NTs don't seem to like that sort of thing much. Maybe we have our own "typing dialect"?
Anyway, thank you for the welcomes. I'm glad to be here.

Welcome

Welcome. Just like with some of y'all i didn't start to realize my autistic traits until my mid 30's and was diagnosed last year. Being on here has helped me understand a lot of things. Hope it's a good experience for you too..

And how did y'all make the colors!? I'm kinda an idiot when it comes to computer stuff I want to make my text colored too! I feel so deprived! Its a sad world.

Changing the color of your text is relatively easy. See: https://orcaforum.kofo.mpg.de/app.php/help/bbcode (under "Text Formatting"). Or hit the "quote" button and see some examples of how I got this: RED, BLUE, PURPLE, and PINK.

The easiest way to pick a color is to identify the color by name. It would have to be a recognized BBCode color name and I have not found a list of them that I would be comfortable giving a link to. (I'm not saying I think the sites have problems. I'm saying they don't look "official" enough.) But you can easily do a search for BBCode colors and find a list.

If you mean how did I do this… Sorry. That is a bit more complicated.
(1) I'm an Aspie,
(2) I've been playing with computers since 1971, and
(3) I think Microsoft Excel is a fun toy.
But here is something that you can, if you choose, use: Spunge42

Aww.You'reAWESOME! !! !!

I'm really bad with technology. I'm one of those people that electronics mysteriously die or go bonkers around. I used to work in a lab and 2 pieces of equipment would go on the fritz if used them for more than 10 minutes. My boss watched me one time and was like " I dont think the machines like you, maybe they instinctively know you can do them harm. Lol, like if the machines rise up and become our overlords you could be their kryptonite."

the only electronic I'm good with is my sewing and embroidery machine.

I have this effect, too. I call it "theoretician effect", after some great theoretical physicist who allegedly had it, too.