The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I'm pretty sure what I now about non-verbal communication comes from the author describing how the character looks(biting their lip,furrowing brow)then they would tell what the person was pondering(oh,they are confused and working it out),or sometimes the author plays God and comes out and says...Bob was confused(Thank you author)My pscy and drama classes in school helped realize that there was such a thing but I thought nobody could read these odd "signs" unless they had a class....I never would have believed that people actually understand this stuff inately.

What makes it twice as hard is that people appear to be able to fake this stuff...they can make their brows furrowed to look like the are actually considering something when they have actually already decided it is a "no go" but they dont want to rush into saying that...so they furrow.....People are really confusing.

Yes Blessed...it has been difficult for me to come to terms with the idea that most of my "loves" were just eye candy and lonliness.....They were good people and very confused when I would just leave a relationship that they thought was going great.I have always felt bad about it(not understanding why myself)but tried to comfort myself with the idea that they would eventually find someone much better looking and "saner" .

Aside from my immediate family - men are certainly a curiosity to me. But so are women. And they just get curiouser and curiouser the older I get. I think my relationship with most people starts out being I & it, same as it is with anything else. I and the tree. I and the orange. I and the porch swing. But with people, there is always the opportunity for the relationship to grow and become I and you, a reciprocal relationship instead of subject vs object - subject ><subject.

I'm off to face week 2 of a hundred dogs a night....spring break sucks.Wishing you all a good week,may lurk tomorrow.

I sometimes wonder if it is possible for me, as an Aspie to make and keep a friend. Reading through Krex and Cosmiccat's posts, I feel relief that you have put into words how I feel about people. Like when out walking, perhaps I will admire a passing stranger's outfit, (silently.) And then, when this person speaks, engaging in the social rites of nodding a greeting, or even speaking, it's as if a mannequin came to life, startling me. I am drawn into friendships because aspects of that person appeal to me (eye candy). And I put them under my microscope, studying them, storing away info for my NT database. And then, I get bored. Its' a shame. Or, the NT in question decides I am just too weird to tolerate any longer, and they dump me, with no warning or explanation. Now I have gotten used to it, but can't help but think that it would be nice to actually get past this "honeymoon phase" in friendships.

And what Krex said about people being able to fake expressions was right on the button. This only adds to the confusion, where if you successfully interpret a given expression, you then have to determine if it's real. One of my favorite authors, Anne Perry, is excellent at describing expressions, as the suspect is being questioned by the police. Also, most of her stories are set in Victorian England, which is one of my obsessions.

At least on this board, there are lots who are interested in people, they just aren't so good at understanding them.

Before studying and then working ate up my time, I read about three books a week, plus other stuff, about evenly divided between fiction and science/technical things. You are not alone in liking fiction. But it took me until age 22 before I understood a story that focused on how people think and feel.

A really good writer can give you characters that feel real to some extent, you often get the privilege of witnessing what they think and feel, which you don't get with the people you meet, and the characters in a story won't lie to you or screw you over in some other way. They may do that to each other, but not to you, because you're only an observer, even if you are an observer who cares (if the writer is good enough that you can care about the characters).


A familiar experience. I think I just feel wrong to most people. They don't get the little signals they expect, a little alarm bell goes off in their heads (they may not even know why) and off they go.


I know it's not a cheerful thought, but the "this is just too weird" reaction can happen after up to five years. You'd think that would be long enough to be past the honeymoon period, but it's not. If both people gain more than they lose, that's fair enough, but when the other party just disappears, it's a bit hard to tell how they feel about it, and whether it would be kinder to the next nice person you meet to stay away from them. That sort of consideration makes this cartoon extra funny to me: Help

And another Dilbert cartoon describes something that has come up here in the cafe: Laughing

Thanks for the Dilbert cartoons! They explain it all so perfectly!

If both people gain more than they lose, that's fair enough, but when the other party just disappears, it's a bit hard to tell how they feel about it, and whether it would be kinder to the next nice person you meet to stay away from them. That sort of consideration makes this cartoon extra funny to me. (Gromit)

I have faith in nice people. The problem is that they do not see the real you and you have trouble communicating who you really are. Could a piece of writing help?

It is so sad that your insights and decency are lost to others because of miscommunication. You miss out on genuine friendships and they miss out just as much and don't know it.

Last edited by nannarob on 29 Mar 2008, 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Old friends, book ENDS topic

Re what hartsofspace wrote about being too weird: I have the same problem with employment, as well as with friends.

I tried to write fiction because I wanted to create a friend but I still do not know enough about people to do this. All my characters are like me.

Is Dilbert aspie? Maybe your fiction character could be like him?

Write a story as seen through the eyes of the protagonist... the world through your eyes.

I havn't upset anyone here have I? I pop in and post youtube music now and then, butn it's not in my heart to be nasty

Lurking...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAkfHShATKY

I kind of get the feeling that we're all pretty much past being upset by people. Why? Have you done something to make you think we're upset with you?

'Cause if you have, it sailed right past me...

nope don't think so'

that's good to know DeaconBlue. By the way I Seen Deacon Blue at the Glasgow Art Scchool, terrific gig, round about, mid 1980s?

I'm always happy to see you, Mescalero. (And this is from the B!tch Queen of Über-Nastiness herself! )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiVvA9YQpiI&NR=1