The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Well, there's work. And Commuting. And working out/walking. And housework. And scanning 30 years' worth of single-sided, typewritten genealogy files onto flash drives. And doing service work at the cat shelter (next year is a huge anniversary for the inception of the shelter and we want to do it up right). And I promised someone on another chat line here that I'd help 'em plan for a week's worth of frugal meals based on their local grocery store advertisements. Without realizing they are in Austrialia. OOPS! So I am having to convert recipes, figure out quantities in an unfamiliar measurement scheme, and find out what's "normally eaten" at given meals, plus converting Aussie dollars to US dollars, to ..... I'll be working on that on Saturday. If it was in the USA I would whup something out in an evening.

Just looked at the kid's application record here at my work. She applied for 78 jobs here in the last six months - got shut out immediately for about half of them ("others more qualified"). Got "Future Interest" on half of the remaining (meaning there were people already working here who got first shot at them), and either interviewed for or is under consideration for the remaining half (some depts take a LONG time to actually get around to interviewing people). As of today, the computer system lists her as "accepted job" at the one that they offered to her, so it's now just a matter of signing all the forms and giving the temp service 2 weeks' notice.


Ahhh, thanks, Nana! You're sending us fresh meat! ... I mean, a new friend to play with! How fun!

The following are statements supporting the need to move military age to a minimum of 60 years old. No self-respecting farmer would risk losing his seed corn: we must not continue to lose ours. The author restricted it to males, but we know that our present service personnel are composed of both male and female. The author said that we’ve got the whole thing “a@# backwards” now. As it stands now, you can’t be older than 42 to join the military when 60 should be the very minimum age for entering military service. Here are some reasons why we should raise the minimum age to 60:

1) An 18-year old has the whole world ahead of them. The young man hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. The young woman still hasn’t figured out how to eyebrow pluck and cagily ward off aggressive males most effectively.

2) Captured old folks couldn’t spill the beans because they’ve forgotten where they put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number will be a real brainteaser.

3) An 18-year-old doesn’t like to get up before 10 a.m. Old folks have already been up more than once to pee. Since they are already up and impatient, they’ll go get the young terrorists before they’re out of their sleeping bags.

4) Young folks haven’t lived long enough to be cranky and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. Cranky soldiers are impatient. My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry. Just turn me loose; I’ll go get ‘em!

5) Researchers say that 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Older folks think about sex only a couple times a day so that leaves them 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

6) Folks over 60, especially those who have been married, have had to learn defensive and offensive tactics. It isn’t all good luck that they’ve survived so long. Most of the tricks they’ve learned are above board, but they’ve learned a few that wouldn’t pass the honor code. Enemies beware!

7) One of my male friends added this idea (I don’t want to get hurt). Older fellows who have been married are used to taking orders. The military officers won’t have any problems keeping them in order while giving instructions.

I’m sure that you’ll agree with me; let the old folks track down those dirty rotten terrorists. The very last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

Not by me. But I am

Merle

At 2:00am as I showered I watched water droplets coalesce until they made mad dashes down the wall. I often watch droplets on the car window as I drive. I started wondering if this was just going to be yet another moment in my life that I would forget entirely. As I toweled off I wondered if this was going to be just another day that I would forget entirely. Then I got to thinking about how my entire life will soon make a mad dash into oblivion.

I started thinking: ...not just another day... ...not just another day...

I gave the tuner on the radio a whirl away from what I always listen to and tuned into an ongoing opera. A harpsichord was playing, and although I love the harpsichord I hadn't heard one in years. I listened transfixed until the harpsichord faded into the background, and the singers took turns dramatically singing something in Italian. After I listened for some time it occurred to me that for all I knew they could be singing passionately about their golf scores:
"...could you hand me a FIVE iron?"
"...a FIVE iron?!"
"...A FIIIVE iron..."
"...a FIVE iron?!?!?!..."
"...FIVE iron... ....FIVE iron... ...FIVE iron..."

"DAAAAAAMN!! !! !! I've triple bogied once again!"
"You've triple bogied once again!"
"...triple bogied once again... ...triple bogied once again..."

Not that I play golf mind you. I played once about 25 years ago - scored in the low 230's (handicapped by a bit o' beer). Golf 'twas just the first thing that popped into mind. Anyhoo, I then read your all's posts to opera music, with added dramatic flair, which I found rather amusing. (Did I mention it was 2:00am?)

I then made the decision that this was not going to be just another day! I got on the phone, and in my best operatic voice sang to my boss that she could count on me NOT coming in to WOOOOORK this week, WOOOOORK this week, ...WOOOORK this week...

I was going to have a day that I would remember!

I had been putting off cleaning out my gutters, because the red wasps sting me every time I go up on the roof. It occurred to me that it being nighttime the wasps would be asleep, and having called out of work, and having decided to make today one that I wouldn't forget, this would be a good time to clean the gutters naked in the dark. Hadn't done that before! I opened the window and stepped out onto the roof.

The moon was nearly full and bright orange! (...erm, not mine). As I cleaned out the gutters eastern red bats flew in close to see (echolocate?) what I was doing.

If you want your senses to come fully alive, walk naked on your roof in the dark cleaning out gutters by the sense of touch alone, surrounded by bats in the orange glow of the moon, knowing that one misstep could kill you, and that angry red wasps could awaken at any moment. Ha! A moment to remember!

The gutters were clean in an hour, and I put on some shorts and headed for Mansker's creek. I waded into the middle of the creek, and waited for the sun to rise. As the sun rose I watched a young buck come down from the woods to get a drink. I watched three red-winged black birds settle into a mimosa tree. I watched two raccoons descend from a tree. Dragonflies alighted my head and shoulders, then flew in figure eights over the water. As the fog burned off I realized that a group of bluegill were curiously checking me out. I watched a kingfisher dive in for breakfast. Cardinals don't just eat seeds - I watched two snatching up grasshoppers. I waded slowly for about a mile just watching and listening. It looked like a Monet painting, so I tried to remember as many French words from high school French class as I could. Grenouille popped in. Oiseau. Arbre. Couldn't recall the words for timeless river,
or perfect memory-etched morning.

Anyhoo, if you find yourself staring at water droplets in the shower, don't be surprised if in the next moment you find yourself naked on the roof cleaning out gutters in the moonlight surrounded by bats.

but no wasps!! !

Merle

Ahh.....Chuck, I once tried golf, that game is called golf because all the other four-letter words that apply to what used to be food
are already taken....

What beautiful writing, Chuck! ...sigh

But I would like to have seen you on the roof!

NANNAROB! you are a married woman!

Merle

blasts from the past:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSAJPQ08OSk
montage by Aspiegirl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWwxAfNrxI

...put on your wigs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uPNaa3e7wA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL_9zdu4iVw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1pqLRXmiGc

...and now: early Christmas gift ideas:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC7fOh68bJw
That one seems like something you'd use to make young kids behave. "You kids better behave! Don't you make me get ...the MONKEY!! !":twisted:
"NOooo!! !! We'll be good. DON'T get the monkey! Please! We'll be good! We'll be goooood.... *SOB* "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3W8dm5JxFc
That one creeps me out. Plus - it disturbs me that they are abusing this pushmepullyou. Perhaps a good gift for one's boss?

...hook this into the doorbell ringer to play Christmas Carols??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAIeTm4lO5Q

.....and now: the Barf Inducer 2000!! !! ! . (Richie made this one):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yln_IGDuOCo&NR=1

I like these. For a Christmas theme they just need to make them look like snowmen and women. Oriental ones. With sleds and stuff. With Santa beards. And blinking lights. And, and, ...and...:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vwZ5FQEUFg

hell, hon, she's married. not dead.

where are the wasps now? they have to be somewhere....

they're lurking, waiting their chance.

now, the next time you open your medicine cabinet........

lurking and laughing at Chucks story again!

I have sent the links to several people that are complaining their lives are hopelessly humdrum.

and read it several times, again, myself.

Merle

So I am watching old reruns of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and there was a townhouse in the 50's on New York City's East Side, just a flash of the front. I was intrigued because I had lived in NYC in 1995 and worked in a 5 story town house (as a live in laundress and pantry girl.) I was a two part story, presented back to back, and there were several interior shots as the story unfolded. I thought, wow, those pier glass mirrors in the front office looked awful familiar, as I had cleaned the ones in the place I had worked, and there was the beautiful staircase to the ballroom and formal dining room above that the characters were standing on. Then there was the same place I helped decorate the Christmas Tree (and cleaned up after wards!) I was laughing, thinking that I had no idea the inside of the posh townhouse was so cookie cutter for NYC, and if they show the third floor library it would have that beautiful hour-glass paneling (that used to be on the furniture of "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. )I noticed it because I had had to unpack box after box of them when the carpenters came to panel and cabinet the library at the town house.

Imagine my amazement (and laughter) when the investigation went up to the hour-glass pattern paneled library! What a goof! Now, I had been a walk on (or a 'walk BY' is a better way to put it) in several "Law and Order" filming's in NYC when I lived there, but try as I might I have never recognized me on the show. It is not so rare if you live in NYC as almost half of NYC has been, as they are ubiquitous, there.
And I could definitely see those people I worked for hire out the house for the shoot. Heck, later on in the show, Vincent D'Onofrio was sitting in the same leather chair I used to sneak breaks in! My life is so serendipitous!

Merle

Last edited by sinsboldly on 21 Jul 2008, 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.