The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I've had really bad experiences in therapy that have left me confused and even injured in some instances because of wrong diagnoses, etc. Because of trauma in my background and the whole controversy surrounding Dissociative Disorders, etc., I have had people look at me wierd or even suggest that therapists' may not even believe my history of abuse. That was my last attempt and don't know if after that I will try again.

Being autistic, it was hard for me to communicate which is why I think I got some of the weird looks, other times my communication was more fluid but still lacking with regard to importance or effective with regard to context. Trauma is a powerful thing and complicates everything anyway. I'm not sure I can find the courage to try again. My insurance has always been poor and think this has contributed detrimentally to the quality of treatment. It's hard enough with ASD without other complications as well.

I know what you mean about dissasociative stuff. It must be pretty weird to people that have so much invested in their one personality that they can't understand other's of us need to step out and be someone else for a change.
Shrink and I didn't get into this, yet. He was rather blunt in pointing out that he was the one with the degree in psychiatry and would like for me to consider this as we chatted about things and for me to keep my mind open to something I might not have considered before.
hey! I actually got that!

Merle

oh, I forgot. The insurance part of it. I was given 5 minutes with a psychiatrist at a county facility back in 2005. I wanted to know why I was never free from wanting to do myself in. Five minutes brings a bit of clarity to the situation and is wonderfully focusing so I just asked her 'why do I want to kill myself all the time?' and she says "what happens when you think this?" and I said 'something inside says 'you are being disrespected, DIE'. She said "well, I think that voice is giving you bad advice." and that was it. While in the office, though, I saw people being ushered into other rooms with other doctors, and smiles and nods and gentle hands on backs. I wanted that, so much and I knew they had something I did not.
Insurance. and damned good insurance, too.
I made some plans and when I heard the local call center (of which I have massive experience) for an old established member owned not for profit health insurance company was hiring I jumped through every hoop, called in every possible reference I had had for the last seven years and landed a training position. I devoted the last two and a half years to doing little more than getting up, suiting up and showing up and using every brain cell I have in making the job work, and I have. I now have the security of the job (got three raises and a promotion!) and now I am secure enough to get my evaluation and start my therapy. Whew. I surprise myself sometimes. Maybe I am going to go back to school and get my PhD. Two weeks ago, I just wanted to die before I got old and sick.
Merle

I have enough trouble with the one personality I do have. I more lack in the area of identity, if anything. I've never had that sort of problem but dissociative pertaining to trauma more where you leave when unbearable things are happening to your body. The mental health system is a joke. It's probably the cracked-pots running the joint that are the problem.

Yep, there is a difference. I'm glad that worked out. You worked hard and you deserve it too! When my financial situation changes, which I think will, maybe then I'll give it another try, but honestly I don't know. I might have better things I want to do with my time.

I also have a lot of trouble with being suicidal. It's hard so I know what you've been through.

I had too much trouble dealing with the outside world or I probably would have done the same. It's a coping mechanism and I probably would have had to utilize the same or similar mechanisms in order to function. My nervous system seems to be hard-wired in an overactive or over-sensitive mode so with any amount of stress, breakdown isn't too far away. We all have to find our own ways for making things work out alright. I wish I could have done much better than I have. I would feel proud if I were you, but of course not in a pretentious way.

Lurking.

Not even lurking because I haven't read any posts. But Merle what a quotable quote!

Hi, everyone.

Hi back, Rjaye.

Yeah, it's a crapshoot. The exact same behaviour, repeated in near-identical circumstances, will elicit respect some days, but will get you rotisseried on other days.

The good thing about adopting a persona and a script is that you can always say to yourself, "They are arguing with my fictional creation, therefore I need not take offence." The trouble then is that praise becomes hard to take seriously, as well.

oh, hello, Rjaye and Paul

Lurking....

^ Oh, it's a squirrel! Had to open it in a new window to see it.

Out of interest.... three other places that have the exact same file...

www.sherv.net
www.skype-emoticons.com
emoticonhq.com

They all seem kinder at allowing themselves to be embedded here.

Spike perched on a stick for the first time yesterday, and he flew to my shoulder today from his cage, a good two feet away! YEA! He's gonna make it!