The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Nan
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17 Sep 2008, 6:32 am

nannarob wrote:

My mother has been released from hospital after having a near fatal heart attack. She is 96 and a tough old bird. She is stayig with me. I am an hour north of her. I really don't know what to do at the moment. She has been here for 24 hours and she is very weak, She is supposed to be on a high energy, high protein diet - 6 small meals a day. I give her a few teaspoons of yoghurt as one meal, a sliver of cheese for another, and a quarter of a glass of broth from a stew I made for another. She can hardly talk. So there you go. There are all sorts of other worries. I know she would have moved in with me at any stage but it is a matter of survival for me. She always said she would not move into a nursing home. As far as I am concerned if she needs constant nursing, that's where she goes. So I have to be patient and hope her appetite improves, and then her energy. I just do't know how long to wait before I make the moves to have her assessed for nursing home placement. It could take months.

Robyn

Oh, Robyn, that's a tough one.

You cannot care for your mother indefinitely if she remains in the state she is in or if she weakens. You, at least, need reinforcements. Is there no way to get a part-time carer in to help out with her? That will give you some rest and time to think. If she's not better in a few weeks, you might have the assessment made - when you're able to clearly see there's no progress or she's slipping downhill and needs more care than you can reasonably provide.

Good luck, hon.

sinsboldly
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17 Sep 2008, 10:42 pm

nannarob wrote:

My mother has been released from hospital after having a near fatal heart attack. She is 96 and a tough old bird.

She is stayig with me. I am an hour north of her.

I really don't know what to do at the moment. She has been here for 24 hours and she is very weak, She is supposed to be on a high energy, high protein diet - 6 small meals a day. I give her a few teaspoons of yoghurt as one meal, a sliver of cheese for another, and a quarter of a glass of broth from a stew I made for another.

She can hardly talk.

So there you go. There are all sorts of other worries. I know she would have moved in with me at any stage but it is a matter of survival for me. She always said she would not move into a nursing home. As far as I am concerned if she needs constant nursing, that's where she goes.

So I have to be patient and hope her appetite improves, and then her energy. I just do't know how long to wait before I make the moves to have her assessed for nursing home placement. It could take months.

Robyn

I remember my father, 96 and tottering around in the kitchen making scrambled eggs for my mother, 87 and bedridden, barely there, on a morphine drip she could press for more. He would querulously feed her like a little bird, nagging at her, throughout his irritation. He was told to let her go, by the visiting nurse, just let her go and my father. . my father turned to me and said 'how can I stop feeding her?' How indeed?
Both of them refused to go into a nursing home.

Merle

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nannarob
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18 Sep 2008, 4:40 am

Hey there!

Your story is sad, Merle, but brave too.

My mother has used us all up over the years, and spat us out again. That's probably a harsh and extreme judgment but it is based on truth. She doesn't mean to, I'm sure, but it is how she is. While my sisters can be racked by guilt I can see what forces are at play. I also have to support my sisters.

I am very irritable tonight. I need time alone. (sigh). I am a good daughter and look after her well. But I will protect myself.

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I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex

SleepyDragon
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18 Sep 2008, 4:43 am

nannarob wrote:

But I will protect myself.

Glad to hear that. That was my biggest worry about the situation you are in.

sinsboldly
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18 Sep 2008, 9:04 am

nannarob wrote:

Hey there!

Your story is sad, Merle, but brave too.

My mother has used us all up over the years, and spat us out again. .

as did my father, and I would say stubborn obstinacy rather than brave.

it was literally 'his way or the highway'

take care of you, Robyn.

Merle

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nannarob
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18 Sep 2008, 10:02 pm

Mum has told me her fears that she is dying, and I share her fears. So all resentment that I felt of being used is gone and we get on to the business at hand

Thank you for letting me emote!

Robyn

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I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex

lemon
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19 Sep 2008, 2:47 pm

it must be cool to have a daughter next to you when you need to talk such moment

hartzofspace
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19 Sep 2008, 10:46 pm

nannarob wrote:

My mother has used us all up over the years, and spat us out again. That's probably a harsh and extreme judgment but it is based on truth. She doesn't mean to, I'm sure, but it is how she is. While my sisters can be racked by guilt I can see what forces are at play.
But I will protect myself.

I applaud you for being honest with yourself at this time, Robyn. Your description of your mother sounds a lot like mine. She has recently come to live with my brother, here Florida, and I am so glad that she is not in with me. My private name for her, is The Bottomless Pit. No matter how much you throw in there, it's never enough.

I hope this has a peaceful resolution for you both.

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Rjaye
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20 Sep 2008, 1:57 am

Thinking of you today, Nanarob.

Karuna, Rjaye.

nannarob
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20 Sep 2008, 8:54 am

Hartzofspace: I applaud you for being honest with yourself at this time, Robyn. Your description of your mother sounds a lot like mine. She has recently come to live with my brother, here Florida, and I am so glad that she is not in with me. My private name for her, is The Bottomless Pit. No matter how much you throw in there, it's never enough
That's exactly it Hartzie!

Today I knew I had to get Mum to hospital because she was in terrible pain. At first I did not state that it was life threateing when I called the ambulance although I told them she was dying. To my amazement I wanted her to die at home. I called the ambulance again as she was getting distressed, then again as she found it difficult to breathe. They came with sirens screaming and got there just in time to save her.

I was sorry that they did save her because she was ready to die.

The next part of my story happens again and again with her. Once a few years earlier we were called urgently to emergency as she had broken her hip. Some hours later she comes limping out - she had only bruised it. Quite a few times she has been rescued from the brink of death and bounced back.

So it wasn't a heart attack ...it was the drugs she was on, which had been assessed by a leading heart specialist a few days earlier! Her heart was going slower and slower and sloooower until she almost died. When we left her this afternoon even her lips were pink!! ! It is the recurring story of my mother.

It is only on this forum that I can be so honest and tell it like it is. Thanks everyone.

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NEVER EVER GIVE UP

I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex

hartzofspace
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20 Sep 2008, 12:32 pm

nannarob wrote:

I just went through similar stuff, with my Dad, who passed away in July. I heard it second hand from my brother, who was having to deal with hospital staff, nursing home staff, red tape, and meanwhile watch my father have one medical crisis after another. Several times we thought that he was a goner, and then he'd bounce back. It was sort of like watching a candle that is burning down. A brief flare of brilliance, then guttering down, and then flickering into light again...

I felt guilty wishing it was over, but it was taking a toll on him, as well as his loved ones. And it was the end of an era, for me, when he passed on.

Here's a rare Hartzofspace hug for you! (( ))

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Nan
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21 Sep 2008, 11:52 am

Thinking of you, Nanarob.

~~~~~~~~

Spike is still alive. He can now fly around a room, though his navigation systems are still a little off and landings don't always go as he planned. He can more or less preen himself, although he quite often falls over while trying to do so. He's quite adept at sitting on a perch and hopping round as he sees fit. He sleeps through the night now (Thank All The Bird Gods!! !!). He can bathe himself, is starting to eat seeds, and has developed an attitude - if we try to do something he doesn't like, he'll peck at us rather than just letting us do it as before. Our little birdy is growing up! :wink: :wink:

Video to follow. :lol:

hartzofspace
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21 Sep 2008, 3:01 pm

So cool, about the baby bird, Nan!

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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
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richie
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21 Sep 2008, 6:37 pm

Lurking...

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Botti
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21 Sep 2008, 9:58 pm

Just coming in to announce I am the right age so this must be my place. Hello. :viking:

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lau
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21 Sep 2008, 10:10 pm

Welcome, Botti. We don't bite (often).

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