The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Lurking........and stimming...

It is with deep sadness that I must pass on some terrible news. While endeavoring to fix Chucks "not enough hours in the day" conundrum, a dear friend has been rushed to the squirrel house for the damaged, four legged, three legged and two or one legged critters of any furry nature, shaved or other wise. We, my friends, the squirrels and I, came to the conclusion, erroneous, we fear, that it was the suns fault for the the hours in the day. We all met at high noon and proceeded to throw rocks and insults at it. It wasn't a good idea. It was a flesh wound, luckily, and a speedy recovery is the probable outcome for Lucky Six Toes and I'm very sorry I didn't throw the rock hard enough or far enough to make the sun mind it's manners and heed Chucks most dire predicament. I know I swore loud enough and it must have taken some of the umph out of my throw.

We have another plan. Fear not Chuck. (You can fear him him if you want, I heard he doesn't like clowns very much.) We will wait for Lucky Six Toes to heal, as he will be needed for the forth coming event. However, we are in dire need of a Nor-Easter, preferably hitting the tip of Cape Cod on or about the 28th of this month. So any weather witches we would appreciate any help in this most crucial element in fixing the earths revolutions, spinning, wobbling and hurtling through timespace at the speed of a lumbering caber truck or personage, please. Einstein said it's correct because a person carrying a caber of a size is bent, the curve you know. We will launch a kite and that should do the trick. Of course we will firmly Duck Tape(TM) our sandals to the beach, we're not stupid you know.

This theory is very sound in nature and we suspect the wind will howl too. We liken it to, when a butterfly flaps it's wings in the quiet of the deepest, darkest, and ill lit forest you can think of it, it creates a rippling affect that creates things like, George W's birth. Gruesome, yes, I know and I didn't really want to write it this way, but preferred to say it this way. Imagine a butterfly going down the wrong way on the Los Angles Freeway, only to run into an on coming caber, thrown from Scotland. Now, I think you can see the impact this winter kite flying will most certainly have. A world event to be sure. It's a pretty big kite.

All are invited. Please bring stop watches, we're not really sure if this will slow it down or speed it up. We're hoping for a bit of leverage in this direction, because Lucky will be standing on my head, commanding the second string. Told you it was a big kite and he keeps my head warm and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. The motel rates are good this time of year and if it slows it down you'll get to stay longer. If it speeds it up, you'll never know you spent any money nor that you even left your Lang May Yer Lum Reek, which I think is Welsh for, who closed the damn flue or why is it so smoky in here? The night life is very interesting, to say the least in this general area. I walked into one establishment, in years past, and nothing but ladies and into another and nothing but men. I didn't understand it, but it was fun, till I was asked to leave the one with all of the lovely ladies. I mean I hadn't even finished my beer, let alone gotten to be rude, yet. But a good time was had by all at the other establishment, a more friendly group of men I have never met. However any that can manage to bring cabers with them, please do. There is a real lack of trees on the Cape, at least in the area of the tip. The squirrels thank you and I do too. You see the establishments frown when the squirrels curl up in the pockets of the billiards table and motels, well, they're just down right rude to my friends. As a small aside, booze is always optional, but highly recommended for any that would venture out on the Cape in a Nor-Easter. Either that or we will have a snake charmer on call to help you to the beach. He's rather good as a matter of fact, a fellow from Hamlin.

This will not fix any leaky faucets, loose belts, frozen soap bubbles or broken coffee cups, maybe. When you screw around with timespace, you just never really know for sure, at least we don't know for sure, but think we do. If we screw it up well enough, we're pretty sure we'll never know. If the bison at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory become agitated, we suggest you run, we don't know where, but run. It's good for the heart anyway.

Yup, fly a kite and your sense of time will change, I guarantee it or I'll send my enforcer to make it so. As soon as he gets out of the hurt squirrel house. I really didn't mean to hit him, honest. It was that damn gravity's fault. We're going to fix that next. Won't need any wind to fly kites then. Moving the caber telephone service in Scotland will be easier too.

ya think it will cause the dryer to cough up all the sox that have gone missing in it?

Ah Ha!! One of the witch sisters. Where is your evil sister? Yes, we, the good witch hunters, me in my goat skin disguise and Chuck in his, err wait maybe he was the goat, never mind. You two have to drum up a Nor-Easter, a hurricane might work too, but they're harder to park where I need it. Oh my god, what if it does? Sox everywhere, the very streets could be flooded world wide, traffic to a complete stand still, for weeks. Farmers couldn't plant their crops, starvation on a level never seen before. Rivers flowing with, yes, sox. It could make the last great glacier look like a light dusting of snow in Florida. The Day The Earth Stood Still part 2? I shudder to think about it and I threw away the mate long ago. OMG another case of the one sox blues. But, it isn't the color that counts, it's the thickness. It 's like, of course they match, they're the same thickness. Whew, had me scared there for a minute. Just think of it as a fashion statement and it will be cool. They might even start a cult around you, but I think you and your witch sister already did that, didn't you.

Bring me a shrubbery!! And I will turn stray sox into kite tails. It's magic and don't ask. Trade secret, copyrighted, copy written and stolen from an ancient Chinese secret, 12 secret ingredients that are tightly sealed in a funk'n'wagners standard desk top dictionary, on the high plains of Tibet...covered in sox. Only the yeti's know, some of them, not all of them and they only wear one sox at a time and they like it because they play hope scotch, a lot. It's mystical and don't ask, oh, you didn't, well just don't.

I need sleep, but if I do, I'll miss my shrink appointment and I'm getting primed up for it right now. Honestly they just shake their heads in amazement and say, no one can be that f****d up and still walk. I aim to please. Nope the wife is coming with drugs in hand and she says I'm going to sleep, if i don't take the pill she uses a hammer, sometimes both and sometimes she does it with only one sox on. It's pretty mystical to me. Kinky too.

lurking and laughing

Merle

Aha. Fiddling with forces of nature. So YOU were responsible for this, then.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/art ... gD95FCJOO0

This just in: (AP wire photos, January 27, 2009)
Man with squirrels observed off Cape testing gigantic kite in Nor'easter.
An unidentified man wearing sandals duck taped to the beach and a live squirrel hat was observed testing kites of various sizes earlier in the day. First, he tested the following kite, while throwing rocks and cursing the sun:

...then tested the following sox tail:

...both of which were rejected for this larger version:

...and then this:

...as a predicted Nor'easter approached, much to his satisfaction. "Ah,"he was heard to say,"this is looking good.":

..."...even better...":

..."...Perfectomundo!! !! !"

At storm's peak, the man was observed unfurling what can only be described as the "Godzilla Kite of Doom":

Squirrel hat Lucky (who earlier was observed preparing for the event)...:

...was prepped to fly the kite...:

...as snake charmers chanted, and harpists played a harrowing tune.:

...and this woman was observed watching the event, but her role was unclear:

...and apparent safety measures were in place, so the police were not summoned.:

Inexplicably, this report was written three weeks from now on January 27th, 2009, yet we already have it, and clocks appear to be moving backward.

I love going where Chuck takes us. . .


Merle

why is it that when the car is making a hideous noise and you call the mechanic and he comes by and checks it that the hideous noise does not happen?
until he leaves and you try to drive the car again?
sigh.