The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Well, that explains a lot of my Thursday dreams lately. And I like how that money transference thing works. I'm gonna see if I can figure out how to finagle that with the tax man. (Strictly a science experiment, of course).

Let me tell you how it will be;
There's one for you, nineteen for me.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don't take it all.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

(if you drive a car, car;) - I'll tax the street;
(if you try to sit, sit;) - I'll tax your seat;
(if you get too cold, cold;) - I'll tax the heat;
(if you take a walk, walk;) - I'll tax your feet.

Taxman!
(and then one of the best solo riffs in guitar history!)

'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Don't ask me what I want it for, (ah-ah, mister Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more. (ah-ah, mister heath)
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Now my advice for those who die, (taxman)
Declare the pennies on your eyes. (taxman)
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

And you're working for no one but me.

Taxman!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQqtvl2Ibzo[/youtube]

I love the fact they use their highschool!

Merle

I had a dream, not, I have dream. I'm not asleep, at the moment.

This was a very real dream, I am not making this up.

I dreamt I needed an a$$ h*le transplant. I don't remember all of the details except a donor was found and he was very much alive. I never stopped to consider what he would do for one, but I thought him wonderful to donate. It didn't matter to me that he was of a different color, a Black man. I awoke, in fits of glee, which turned into laughter very shortly. My wife was in the same room wondering what the hell was going on, as muffled chuckles turned into open fits of giggling. I told her my dream and proceeded to do some one and two liners that aren't fit for print, let alone spoken. Which as politically incorrect as they were, were rather good or at least we thought so, despite our disgusting laughter at them. One was, I wonder if I can dance now. I mean, I was now technically a mix and in most paper forms you might have to fill out, you have to say you are a person of color, no matter how slight. Of course there were more of this type of, should I say, s**t?, coming out of me then the one I have mentioned.

I did test it, it was a dream. I still can't dance with any of the grace that I once could. I can do one hell of a good jig though, but I don't think that counts. The grand kids like it anyway.

I did figure out why it had to be male donor, as everybody knows ladies don't fart. I do and with a ladies a$$ h*le I would have certainly perished in a burst of green house combustion that would most likely would set the earth on a much faster pace towards global warming. Like tomorrow. I do worry about such things you know and after having written this, I suppose some people would be willing to pay to see that happen.

So, I will lay it all out, and I have, and open myself up (bottoms up, so to speak) and ask for dream interpretations. Let it rip, oh wise people of the ex' Cafe.

Once an a$$ h*le, always an a$$ h*le, doesn't count. Although most likely true in my case.

My butt-bouncing powers were tide driven -
I drew my Chi powers from the water,
or wawa as I called it then.
Some have said that I achieved High Chi levels
in concentrated form from the water.
Hence the term,
"High Chi Wawa!", a term that is often
mistakenly attributed to hispanics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74N0mj1zMUw

One thing is certain, levitation techniques would sure come in handy
post-bootybutton transplant surgery.

One really cool device necessitated by Postie's
surgery/ natural gas expansion is
the WingsuitTM and Glide and Parachute TechniqueTM
he developed and now teaches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttz5oPpF ... re=related
(see? he can dance now!)
More of Postie in action (caution - turn down your sound. He's loud in this one):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHlOvhlKPvs&NR=1

i'm gonna write this down and sell it to hollywood. they'll make a movie out of it. i'll get rich.

I thought the name Hiroyuki Nishigaki was familiar. After reading his words, I can see that Nishigaki taught my microbiology class many moons ago. When I tried to understand his lectures in an effort to "attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration", my life looked "like a hell". What I didn't comprehend was that there was a whole (hole?) lot going on that I couldn't see and wasn't participating in. Thank Mighty Isis! No wonder I was the only one complaining and borning a grudge.

"...I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger."

Isn't this the same as saying that once he started practicing the technique he ceased to age? Or in Nishigaki speak:
"I have known 70-year-old man who is 50-year-old-man. Figure THAT one out, grasshopper."

The algorithm you need is simplicity itself - just take away the number you first thought of.

If that number happened to be novocaine (C13H20N2O2), you may wish to consider it a gas, man.

Ok, Nishigaki was nowhere to be found. So I had to consult the Tong Shu. (The trouble I have to go thru for Postie )
...harhmmmhummm:

"There is section of Tong Shu or Chinese Almanac on interpret of dream. It called “Zhou Gong’s Book of Auspicious and Inauspicious Dreams”.

Zhou Gong is believe same Duke of Zhou who repute to har assist significant development of Yi Qing, (Book of Changes), ancient divination text.

We not sure if he war responsible to dream interpretation. It quire common to associate piece of wok with authoritative figure for lend credibility.

Have seven category in Zhou Gong’s Book of Auspicious and Inauspicious Dreams. Each har the dream interpretation in poem-like text.

First - planet and weather. For example if dream of sun or moon rising, your family prosper, educated and will har good job. Or sun or moon is setting, then you cheated by friends of subordinates.

Second - home and surrounding. If dream of bamboo trees growing healthily in you, there comes good news. Or if dream about walking with wife, it mean you will be buying a property.

Third - god and spirit. For example if dream of visiting temple, seeing the status of Buddha means very good fortune. Dream dead person rising out of coffin? Do not worry. Means you har earning lot of money!

Four - person or body. Dream of other woman, it mean you lose money. Here come the interest part. Dream that wife pregnant, it har mean she will having an affair. Dream you and wife honoring each other, mean you har be divorce!

Five - music and disharmony. For example, dream some one blowing flute on hitting drum mean party imminent. Killing dream killing chicken duck sign of good fortune. Killing pig better. Killing goat make evil danger.

Six - living animal. Dream snake becoming dragon, you will do help from someone. Snake bites you, you get money. Dream dragon, phoenix and peacock is imply good fortune.

Seven - cloth and jewel. Dream golden hairpin, you son noble. Hream expensive hairpin knock together, you wife leave you. Dream you cloths dirty mean your wife pregnancy. Sign of god fortune at dream of picking money!"

Consulting a second Chinese dream interpretation source I found:

"8 Types of Dreams
Let explain what dreams mean.

Richness dreams
Dreamer in this dream will get some price and winnigs. It can be different form. From people became magnate or win some lottery. In some cases it´s about glory not for riches.

Despair dreams
In this dreams dreamer has problem to achieve very similar goals. For examle pack the luggage or find the car where he parked. In other situations dreamer needs money, but he doesn´t know how to get it or dreamer try to catch the train or plain.

Travelling dreams
This dreams can be concrete. About the travel to some place or abstract. Dreams about flying in the wind or people is flying in the space bar. This dreams are about freedom need or about something to own.

Downfall dreams
Dreamer is falling down from the skycraper, bridge, aeroplane. Dream experience is about downfall sense. People are waken soon as they fall down. Some people thinks that people which don´t wake up as they fall down died.. This dreams are about situations which dreamer afraid of.

Pursuit dreams
People, animal or natural element hunt the dreamer. For example flood or avalanche. It´s symbol of hidden scare.

Hanging in the snear dreams
Dreamer is stranded in cellar, cave or prison and can´t go out. In some similar dreams is dreamer in danger of explosion or crashing the building. Also this dreams are symbol of hidden scare.

Nude dreams
This dreams present that people has some frustration or has feeling of unvalued.

Violence dreams
In some case dreamer kill somebody. This dreams are about restraint the anger."


I highlighted the above section, because the "Hanging in the snear dreams" seems to apply, somewhat. And from the Tong Shu, we can see that Postie's dream pertains to 1. Planet and weather, 4. Person and body.

So: the dream involves a hidden scare, then different things from #1, depending on if his moon was setting or rising, and #4 pertains, but no specific example of Postie's dream is listed in #4, so we reach for Lau's Algorithm:

Greatly appreciated, now that I can appreciate all of the major and mostly minor incidents, accidents and profound insecurities and extreme bravery of all involved in this contrary quandary and basic history that I thought I knew but now know better. But for all of the kind thoughts, considerations, both good and evil, even if neither exist, and the most excellent research sent my way, screw ya, since it is my ass and not yours. But, I did know, from the very start, even before this past dream, that I can always count on the wiseassist of the wise to wade through it for me here. In other words I understand it all now and did before, but must humble myself before most mere mortals, and it feels wonderful to to come here and unveil my true self. In other words lift the gas mask from my face. Boo.

I really should know better then to put such things up, but that won't stop me. I laughed so hard I almost had an accident in the follow ups. (BRAVO!! !) But, luckily, and a little known fact, the true strength of the sphincter muscle can chop off the handle of a mop handle. (I think it's a lost martial art.) They're freakin snapper's, run I tell ya, run. If they ever grow legs the world is going to be in deep s**t. Might be too late, come to think of it. Now why you would want such a thing near your bottom button, such as a mop handle, is beyond me. A plunger handle I can understand, I was just using the wrong end.

Leonardo DiCaprio was doing a diatribe in my last dream. Boring as hell and I'm not all that fond of his acting, with a few notable exceptions. Ok, caught me, I'm just not attracted to him, others yes, but not he. I suppose he's "cute", but that don't turn me on. Anyhoo, boring, boring, boring and why politics. I awoke and as with most of my waking dreams, I was really listening to the TV and still partly in REM. Hilary Clinton doing an interview on the news, in this case. Why she wanted to talk like Leonardo, I don't know, but I won't ask here. No, I will not so. I wonder if Leonardo likes cigars and if Hilary is fond of muffins or maybe that's the other way around, doesn't matter, I like them both.

I think the stars are telling me something, they send me coded dream messages and I believe them. My friends, the squirrels, (Lucky Six Toes is feeling very fit and sends his best.) told me to always listen to your dreams and I asked if there was a choice. There isn't. But if they're silent, you can shot the piano player.

It was a Hepatitis C dream I had. (TV on in the background and I have no idea what they were saying but whatever it was it YIKESed!! it's way into the dream.) I really don't think of it consciously, very often, but sometimes triggers happen unknown and what's a poor dream to do? Join a rock'n'roll band. Jumpin Jack Flash, it's a gas. Lau's algorithm at play, just don't try to work it by candle light. That I woke up laughing at it, I still marvel at. I ain't that damn brave, ya know. But I can procrastinate with the best of you. It's something I come by naturally, as I was raised by feral ostriches. You just think they're hiding their heads in the sand. Those worms know better, no matter how early they got up, it wasn't early enough.

The 28th is coming up, how we lookin for a Nor-Easter? Think we're only going to get a bit higher on the Blustery Scale, for about 3 days, could be a weak Nor-Easter, dunno yet. Depends on how much support we got from our weather witches. And speaking of support, don't confuse the Blustary Scale with the Bustary Scale, it can get you into real trouble in the wrong bar on the Cape of Cods. Trust me, I get signals from space and a 2 by 4 up the side of my head. I need an antenna sometimes and a 2x4 works just fine.

You can blame all of the above on the Foo (That is an F and not a P for any with reading troubles.) Fighters, in repeat mode for about, ummm 16 days. You see I'm always in the period between REM (No, not R.E.M., the band, they were stuck in my head for a long time, but a while ago.) and awake (in my case, awake, is a much misused term) and what's going on in the background or forefront, I never can tell and wouldn't if I could, it's just there. Or not. And my internal wiring isn't shielded, it leaks and I'm contagious. Or not. But don't send me hate mail, send it to them and tell em I sent ya. And I still want to know why god needed to take Sunday off. Maybe too many hours in the week and he couldn't fix it? She should have gone kite flying and maybe they did. If you see someone flying a kite on Sunday, you might be seeing god. (I don't think I would walk over and ask them though, I'm shy like that.) Think about it or blame the Foo Fighters. But not me, I have my ass covered. What is a Foo any ol way and why are they fighting them? (Don't even go there Nan, I'll make you regret it.)

The Foo is a rare bird whose gastric juices are so toxic when combined with oxygen that if any of it should manage to touch your skin (say, in the form of liquid accompanying an excretion), the first exposure of that area to the air would kill you instantly. Expert advice is to retain the coating of excrement until it can be removed by professionals, in a nitrogen atmosphere.

Thus the origin of the famous phrase, "If the Foo s**ts, wear it."

(The Foo is also famous for flying backwards, because apparently it has no interest in where it is going, but desperately wishes to see where it's been. Some believe that there is a degree of Foo ancestry present in the modern Politician.)

I popped awake excited - I had figured out a way to locate Nishigaki, starting with the assumption that he may still be teaching microbiology, then coordinating that with the number of microbiology students who committed harakari (harikari? how the heck am I supposed to know how its spelled? Only an idiot would learn Italian, what with their goofy 'gootentog' this, and 'doss-vee-dahn-ya' that) last term (selecting, of course, the highest number of students from the list of universities)...
...but now I see that Postie has reached enlightenment on his own and won't be needing Nishigaki's divination, devotion, or demolition.

...so, congratulations!

All this self-disclosure makes me want to divulge something myself, but owing to the stiflingly oppressive climate of political correctness that permeates this cafe', I have decided it may be less wise to "self-disclose" than it would be to
"someone else-disclose". I was going to use Lau's algorithm to decide who to disclose on, but chose Foosian logic instead, looked behind and found Jon. Hence, the following disclosure concerns Jon (denial, of course, renders him all the more culpable):

Years ago when stationed in California, I was trying to learn Spanish using audiotapes. Only the tapes weren't high fidelity, and my tape recorder was on the fritz, so the words came out strange, and ignorance of the language prevented me from knowing that. I listened for hours to the alternating sonorous/ chipmunk sounds of this mesmerizing romance language. One day I felt confident enough in my new found skill to give it a test drive. I headed for the beach, and walked up to people who looked like they might speak Spanish, offering phrases such as: "KoooonnneeeeeechEEEEEEEwwaaaaa!", and "DOEmmmooo OOOrrrEEEEEEgaaatttOOOE!"

Imagine my disappointment when all I got back were blank stares and looks of confusion. People stared at me as if I were speaking through water!! ! And if I was reading their faces correctly, they seemed uncomfortable... ...it was sort of as if they wanted to get away, or maybe like they wished that I would. That kind of thing. I felt like a bad magician - all of my tricks spilling from hat and sleeves.

Anyway, I eventually descended upon, erm, tried my new language on this guy who had been off by himself reading. He put down his book, looked at me over his sunglasses, listened for a bit, then said, "Sayonara." Then he went right back to reading! I walked away scratching my head, thinking, "Sigh-yun-arah... sigh-yun-arah..." what the heck did that mean?! It sounded vaguely similar to a word I'd heard on my tapes: SSSiiiiiEEEEEYYYYoonnnnnnnaRRRRRRRRRaaaaaaaa.

Anyhoo, after that encounter, I gave up Spanish. And now, looking back, I'm almost certain that that person on the beach was JON, and it is because of him that - to this day - I still can't speak Spanish. And who knows? What might have lead to a promising career was forever ruined. The door to whole new vistas slammed shut. Sealed off. Bud nipped. And its all Jon's fault.
----------------------------------------------
This seems like a good time to introduce some Modern English:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG-3XqcXbbE

Can anyone tell me why, when I woke up from my dream of having a choice of a huge range of left-over desserts, all of which would spoil rapidly, I had chosen the mincemeat pie, with lashings of double cream?