The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

Post Reply New Topic

I wanted to post my 10,000th post in the Cafe I know and love. Here is a little excerpt from my autobiography for your perusal and edification.



What I have are my reminiscences; most of them are worn like ancient prayer beads strung on the steel wire of my memory. Old cares and worries clack and rattle on the thread as I tick them off: this memory . . . perhaps fifty years old . . . charges this other memory perhaps from last week with the residue emotions. And then that one, brown as a cacao bean, which resonates from thirty years ago, but it will sensitize any sort of feeling that feels even vaguely like what happened back then. Beads clacking. . .

I was born at the in the autumn of the first year of the last half of the twentieth century on the same day as Victoria Eugenie Mendenhall. In the post world war baby boom the maternity ward was forced into double duty and proximity dictated two children to be born in the semi private room- born seconds apart in the same hour.. moon in Aries, sun in Scorpio when the Virgo constellation was rising above the horizon of 37 N 97 W…

My family and her family were not in the same social circles and Vicki Jean became my mother’s template for what ever it was I lacked. I seemed to lack quite a bit for I heard of this paragon of the girlish virtues from my cradle. Goodness knows how she gathered the information of Vicki Jean’s progress, but mom thought it should be envied and even surpassed by none other than myself and was somewhat disappointed I had not risen to the challenge.

If I hadn't the characteristic 'round nose Rosie' of the Lundbergs and was the image of mother, I am certain Mom would have questioned the hospital about the children being switched. She was always of the opinion there must have been a mistake in the nursery , or a fairy spirited away her sweet baby and left an ugly charmless Changeling in its stead.

Vicki Jean and I met much later in high school where she was an accomplished pianist, the debate club president with high marks and wore her hair in a lovely bob. I was disheveled and needed a shower, shampoo and a good deodorant. As a favor to my mother, and only because of the accident of our birth, she played Chopin and though I recognized the Polonaise, when I had been given piano lessons the bigness of the music was too much for my immature emotions to handle and at the grandness of the moment I was helpless to do anything but grin uncontrollably, bridling and giggling and bobbing my head.

I was not like Vicky Jean at all. Few things got though to me, to my consciousness, but even that got through to me.

Grinning uncontrollably and bobbing my head was something I must have done a lot. Of course, that is not how I saw it at the time. At the time I was emotionally moved at her masterful handling of the instrument, I was hoping to show my familiarity with the music by vocalizing along with it, as to somehow join into the moment. Looking back with the eyes of being aware I am autistic I see how my appearance, my aroma, my vocalizations and my bobbing and grinning must have painted a truly different and disturbing picture than what I was hoping to project for both Vicki Jean and her mother. I must say I have noticed when people treated me with exaggerated kindness and phrases like “Well, we are really glad you came to see us, Robin, we won't keep you from the rest of your day” it was time to gather your things and walk out the door. After a while it became common place in social situations.

I have found my memories have several layers of understanding. Once for how I perceived life at the time of it happening, then again when my alcoholism had been effectively dealt with; and then again when I finally perceived my being Asperger’s Syndrome and looked back to write my memoirs from the perspective of being an autist.


Merle

C ngrats!! !

Congratulations on making 10,000 posts......
I am slowly chugging towards 15,000.

thanks, Richie. I am forever losing the "you are watching this thread" to the Dino ExCafe and forget in long streaches to come back.

Merle

congratulations Merle !
you're sentences are wonderful I can so see you, feel you, and feel myself
you should write a book !

ya' think?

(colloquialism for 'oh, really?')

Merle

Zombie snails. And there I was thinking about animated, flesh-eating skeletons, and how that works for snails. It would have to be just the shell, with a few scraps of rotting flesh attached. The only other hard parts in a snail are the teeth. I guess if there were disembodied teeth floating along in front of a slowly drifting snail shell, that would start to worry me if I were a snail.

yup.

Lurking from SE Queensland for a change.

I just finished up a beautiful application for this right here in Salem, Oregon. I mean, I live about 8 blocks from the Capitol building and State House! It's the Governor's Executive commission unpaid but with a travel stipend!

it was posted on another autism site I am on. I applied with a real nice resume and filled out their forums ( I can do that!) and faxed it off.

shoot for the stars!

Merle

Would you like references from us, to add to the application? Or you could ask Alex, if you haven't done that already.

Would be good to have someone as competent as you in the job.

Thank you Gromit, I very well may ask for references from you all. As for Alex, I had three words from him a month ago, and hadn't communicated with him for about 4 months before that. WP is not a priority in his life.

Merle

Good for you, Merle!

well amazing. we must be close to the end of the world. the state voc-rehab have classified the kid as "seriously disabled" in their highest priority for services classification. they will work with her for a year to get her "capable" of working. other than that, we, at present, have NO idea what they're going to offer her as services. she's to call to make an appointment to go visit them to start to work up a plan.

i do know that with this classification she is eligible to bid on federal jobs on their special hiring authority, which is a very interesting program - they'll hire you for two years, full benefits and expected to perform as a "normal" employee. after 2 years you rebid on your job, or any other, as a "normal" status federal employee. by then, hopefully, you have proved that you can manage yourself and the work, and you do get seniority, etc., all the way back to day 1 once you convert to "regular" status... so that's an option.

we should have done this several years ago, i think.

hello i'm new and looking around this place this looked like a cosy, non judgemental place to be and indeed it is comforting. I am to get a proper aspergergers diagnosis in a couple of weeks at the age of 56- is that a record? Will it be scary? I thought i had attachment disorder so i got a bit of a fright. Anything to worry about? Coffee anyone?

Not sure. I think there are a few other candidates for the title.


Weeeell... It is a Cafe tradition that new guests catch their first muffin on their own. And some of those muffins are a bit - how shall I put it - frisky? Lively? Not aggressive. Not very. You are allowed protective gear, and you may construct non-lethal traps, but projectile weapons are poor sportsmanship. You will have to face your muffin. We will make encouraging remarks. It's all we can do since the court ruled against the pyrotechnic pompoms, and we couldn't possibly cheer lead without those.


We understand. Velcro has made attachments obsolete, but aspieness is quite another matter.


Apart from the muffins? Noooo... We are all harmless here. And sane. Definitely sane. Not to mention perfectly rational.


Oh, thank you. The coffee is over there, behind the muffin lair.

ut oh! now comes Jillier goin' for the record! wooo hooo and it's a dead heat between Merle and Jillier. .. but even though Merle found out at 56 she didn't get DXed until she was 58! Well Jillier wins out in this heat by a technicality!
(mind the frosted muffins, you will have a hyper glycemic reaction!)
Merle