The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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thanks for the pie richie!
It was definitely tasty and expeditious, or was it the powdermilk biscuits?

Anyway, lately my get and go has got up and went...too much to do, not enough time to get it all done anyway...been offline and probably will be off again soon - so if I'm not posting, it's probably not about anything someone else posted - I'm just out of sync.

Hi everyone.

Happy to have found WP and glad I've read BornThisWay post and Rifter's reply (both from 12 Jan 2013).

I'm looking for a place where I can be myself. I'm 43 and I have not been fully diagnosed as I refused to get referred to a psyquiatrist by my pshychologist last year, as BornThisWay put it "what's the point anyway?", there is nothing to be gained by getting an official diagnosis for me right now.

I took the Simon Baron-Cohen test and scored 43 too, thought I was being too harsh with myself then got my partner to sit next to me to see if I could lower the score, then got 41. I also had a very low EQ score, so I won't post it here because I don't want to give a bad impression as I try to relate to like minded same age group people for the first time.

I was a manager of a group of people last year, but handled my notice, before I had any idea about my AS and why I saw things the way I did. I don't regret it, but life has been hard lately, but it's not the first time I stumble, so I'll be up and running again eventually.

Knowing that I had AS explained a lot in my life, for better or worse, at least now I know how to deal with the meltdowns and all, and how to at least try to avoid the problems before it's too late.

BornThisWay wrote:

Hi...I think this might be the thread or corner of the wrong planet I'm supposed to be in...maybe.

I'm 61, and I'm pretty sure I'm on the AS someplace. I took the Simon Baron-Cohen test as a lark last year and got rather a shock...43! Ive done it a few more times and coming up in the low 40's and I took one of the other self tests and it was rather blunt in saying that I'm autistic. I guess I flunked the eye recognition test with a score of 19 - I found the thing very strange in that most of the choices seemed wrong altogether and it seems my best guesses were too (tho someone said I could practice on it and get better).

I've been lurking on WP for a while and I keep seeing so many posts (especially of the younger members, that read like awful versions of my own early years...) - but frankly, like this thread says - There were no Aspies in the 50's or 60's ... no high functioning autism diagnoses - just odd children who never fit in, who didn't get it socially, melted down when overwhelmed, got into arguments with teachers about the origin of the development of paper (the woman WAS wrong - I just could not figure out why I had to go to the principal's office -AGAIN) who made few friends, who had unique and intense interests. I could talk alright...but didn't know when to shut up or when it was 'their' turn!

Idon't give a &*^$% whether I ever get a dx now - what's the point anyway? I'm just enjoying finding a place online where I'm finally part of group that feels pretty normal to me. Things have gotten so much better as I've gotten older - I've finally begun to realize that it's okay to be like myself. the only other reason to hang out on the site is that I realize, I'm a survivor and I've learned how to survive in a world that is sometimes not so kind.

I learned that it is definitely OK to say I do not like certain things that everyone else says is normal (like being in loud crowds) and also how to handle it when I get in those situations and how to prepare myself for upcoming 'events'. (like my daughter's wedding - where there will be about 200+ people) good thing there is that I highly suspect my new SIL is more deeply on the spectrum than I am... and we're all preparing to make it an AS friendly event (like putting earplugs on all the tables) and scheduling some time out spaces where one can grab a breath!

And besides - i like the name dino-cafe; anyplace with a chocolate hot tub sounds and an aspidastra in the corner sounds homey and heavenly at the same time!

Great Post.

I am 43, found out I was an aspie in my late 30s. Explained a whole hell of a lot.

I, too, have learned how to 'fake it' as I call it - my time, my real time at home is when I'm myself - I manage a lot of people at work and I find most of them petty and ridiculous. I'm in no way feeling superior, just I wonder sometimes what it's like being so wrapped up in the minutiae of life and thriving on drama and excess and pettiness. I'm happy I'm not normal, because my experience with normal is that it's heartless and cruel and, oft times, vacuous and stupid.

I'm hoping my posts here will just be an extension of my non-work persona and I'll meet some people like me.

Cheers -

Allen

Hi Allen,
Thank you for your kind reply to my post. I agree that there are many out there in the world whose main occupation seems to consist of vacuous and petty sniping - or an endless attempt to raise themselves up in some imaginary game of 'king of the mountain' type status seeking. I once had to get through that world - it hurt and was hard...I did not like it, and I did everything I could to get through and out of it in a way that permits some freedom and independence. I'm fortunate now that I'm able to retire from it all - my husband I slogged long and hard for the pension that permits me to stay at home most days - spending my time on the things I consider important, and trying to be of service to those in my small sphere of influence. I can only offer the scant comfort of words and thoughts to those who feel like frauds and fakes as they struggle to cope in a frenetic world of dominance seekers. Hold your own, find those few who can be true friends...nurture your strengths.

I'm coming to think that the AS path of human development is not just one of fundamental disability, but one that can hold out the promise of profound developmental depth. Like a tortoise in relation to a hare, many of us do eventually create lives of accomplishment. Some of those who have risen to great fame and fortune, who displayed uncommon talent and who in fact, became or have become leaders - are spectrumites. We all know their names, for they acquired fame as well. However, I must ask, did it happen 'in spite' of their being on the autistic spectrum, or perhaps because their autistic phenotype engendered their gifts?

In any event, few people have a career that leads to great wealth or public renown-NT or atypical. But many of us on the spectrum do find things to do that leave us satisfied and independent. Those of us, whose lives and deeds are less spectacular should both take comfort in having a sense of doing what is right for ourselves in the long run, and learn to measure ourselves by our own values. It is my firm belief that being a spectrumite is to live a life that must be carefully developed over many decades. Like a rare plant, we sometimes need a sheltered environment in our tender years. We don't grow or peak in a neurotypical fashion; sometimes we never blossom, and to the outside world, it may look as though we never grow up. When we bloom, it is usually much later than the majority, but when we do - it is often complex, remarkable and sometimes very sweet .

Society needs to understand that people 'on the spectrum' are a precious minority, who do indeed march to the different drumbeat of their own hearts and minds. We need to reconsider the scope and nature of some of the so called 'disabilities' that we possess. Basic abilities and character traits are neither superior or inferior - they are simply the raw material of a life. What some label a lack of capacity to maneuver in the socially nuanced world of office politics (it's the same one that began developing in middle school) - I call it a core of spiritual honesty - a fundamental lack of desire to play a game of lies and power manipulation - a horror of taking a path that leads to inner dissolution. Some of us agonize over our social interactions, not because we are emotionally dull, but quite the opposite - we are hypersensitive and want only to do the right thing...that takes a strength that is not desired by those who would be king of their little molehills. Perhaps it should be called a strength, instead of foolishness, to speak truth to power. Also, unlike an NT, we can develop talents of concentration and focus that they can only dream of acquiring - of course, these skills need more than a 45 minute class period offered in the public schools - and so it becomes drummed into us early on that our capacity for deep investigation is in fact a failure...I agree with Temple Grandin that the middle and high school years should be handled differently for those on the spectrum.

It may take time, but the real benefit I see in AS diagnostic work for children and young people is to help create a school system that will empower and develop these so called 'disabilities' into powerful strengths - and to help teach the coping skills and development of insight to know when one's limit of personal tolerance is approaching (this helps to prevent meltdowns) - and to know how to pace ourselves or withdraw gracefully before we go over an emotional cliff. Society as a whole would benefit and those on the spectrum would be able to take their rightful place in the world, rather than being labeled and shunted into a nether-space of 'failure' to adapt. One does not grow an orchid in the tundra, or a cactus in a swamp.

Any way, I could go on and on ( perhaps I am perseverating ) but it's nice to that you have found the WP...here we make ourselves a majority of sparking singularities.

LAU! And Hi Deacon Blues, Born This Way, Postie, Merle, etc etc. Sorry to have been gone so long.
Worked all day in the garden and am now slowly stiffening in front of the computer. Love our Chinook time and am mad I have spent most of it coughing out my lungs in bed. Hope to get a few more things done before the frigid rain returns.
Herbal tea please, Red Zinger, and bacon. No. Changed my mind. Now I want lots and lots of dark chocolate. And raspberries.

How about some dark-chocolate-covered bacon, and raspberry tea? Cover all your bases!

My husband actually bought me two chocolate bars. Will wonders never cease? And of course we are still eating our way through a freezer full of raspberries from our garden. We should run out just as the new raspberries ripen.

Some excitement here on my part in helping a 40 woman cooperative in Rwanda succeed in starting a mushroom growing business that increased their incomes from 30/mo to 45$USD/mo. Woohoo. When husband was there last month Pastor David Nahayo thanked him for the books and spore I had given him on a previous visit. So, David did all the work, but I provided some resources. And I am so happy with the result. The golden grain amaranth was another success. But I think I never did persuade Rwandese to eat purslane.

An aspie is STILL working on the edits of the trilogy I sold to her publishing company. I know I shouldn't care about the slow publishing when I am such a slow writer. But I do. I want to sell a copy of the first book to everybody here, you know, set up a little sale stand next to that funny plant, and then have everybody here tell me how much they love my book. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. As if. Maybe if a free chocolate bar came with every book.

I saw some chocolate covered bacon somewhere on the internet.

I think I mentioned before that one reason I enjoy visiting Rwanda so much is that because I'm American and so far outside their behaviour and appearance matrices of interpretation, they have no idea I'm weird.

[youtube]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sIMJBDj_JkE&feature=related[/youtube]

Alpineglow: I couldn't make your link take me anywhere.
Feeling creaky today after a few hours of pruning. Unexpectedly pretty day today. I wonder how the snow-bound in Colorado are doing.

Lelia, Are you pruning trees or shrubs? here (Montana) the willows are beginning to turn subtle colors - they are thinking about spring. Sorry about that bad link; I wanted to share a bit of sweet nostalgic music. Thank you Deacon Blues for posting the video.

I am pruning everything, mostly trees. I like helping trees become the best they can be.

Hi Guyz. Hey, guess what? I'm officially an Aspie now. And that means... nothing, really. I already knew.

Does anyone know how to interpret WAIS-IV tests and stuff? I need to know what this means. I got handed a sheaf of papers, was asked to read them and let him know if I had any questions. Like I cannot read something right there and then do questions with some stranger I don't even know. I have to take them home and think about stuff for a while, and THEN I'll have questions. But even after a few re-reads I don't know what the big picture is here. I can't sort it out well enough to know what to phone back to ask. Does this tell me what parts of my brain are functioning best or least well? Do the ranges in the scoring mean anything? (If I was truly "smart", like the guy kept saying, I would assume the ranges would be smaller.) After all those tests, it's gotta say something more than numbers So, vas is das?!?

Verbal comprehension – percentile 99.9 with an IQ rating of 147
subtests all 99% or better, except comprehension which was 98%

Perceptual reasoning – percentile 87, with an IQ rating of 117
block design 91
matrix reasoning 75
visual puzzles 84

Working memory – percentile 93, with an IQ rating of 122
digit span 91
arithmatic 91

Processing speed – percentile 91, with an IQ rating of 120
symbol search 84
coding 91

CPT II non-clinical score of 55.39 (supposedly I've got better than a 50/50 chance of NOT being ADD?)

So I understand about the percentiles, and they don't matter much to me. What I don't get is how these various scores interplay. What does it actually MEAN, overall, to my functioning? (Please don't say "oh, it mean's your pretty smart". That was not helpful from the guy. I need to know how these things interpret what my brain is doing to me. If I'm "so smart", why the hell am I a secretary and not doing some sort of advanced research?)

and then there's the GADS:

social interaction 91st percentile
restricted patterns 84th percentile
cognitive 91st percentile
pragmatic skills 63rd percentile (Report identifies this as a strength. Does that mean the scale is a reverse - the higher the worse performing? or is it a typo?)


Vineland II

Communication 50 percentile (apparently in the expressive sub-domain my age equivalent is 12 years 3 months and everywhere else I'm an adult?)
Daily living skills 68 percentile
Socialization 14 percentile
Composite 27 (how do you get a composite of 27 from 50+68+14?)


Thanks for any insight you can provide.

I want to do some guerrilla gardening here and plant some chestnut trees in public places. Need to knock on some doors.

UNDER a spreading chestnut tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.

His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can,
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.

Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.

And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming forge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And watch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing-floor.

He goes on Sunday to the church,
And sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach,
He hears his daughter's voice,
Singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.

It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his hard, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.

Toiling,—rejoicing,—sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.

Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought!