HHHHeeeyyyyy everybody!! !! !

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In USA in order to get into any particular university I have to apply to that university specifically. But, of course, there are some requirenments, such as my average grade has to be B or above, and also there is a nation-wide exam (I can choose between SAT and ACT) which is ranked on 1000 point system and there is some minimal score below which none of the universities will take me. But, on the other hand, if my average grade is above B and my score on that test is above minimal score it is NOT an automatic guarantee I would get into any particular school. There is always a competition, which is why it is important I get as high grade as I possibly can. Are you saying in Lithuania it is different? Do you still have to apply to specific universities or are you saying they all automatically take you in as long as you pass that exam?

I also heard it a lot from my parents that I have done too much studying and I had to take a break. In my case I always took it as a compliment. So the more they criticize me for studying too much (with statemetns such as "you will overload yourself") the better I felt. In fact, I make it a point to fight them even if they suggest that I do something I want to do, just to maintain the image of someone who insists on wanting to study.

The downside of it is that back in USA I was hiding all of my girlfriends form my parents since it would contradict the image of someone wanting to study. When two of my girlfriends forced me to tell my parents about them (first one deliberately called when my mom was visitting me, and the second one threatened to break up unless I tell my mom about her), in both cases I told my family how much I hate them and how horrible they are, just to make myself look as close as possible to someone who doesn't care about things that are not academic, so to be consistant I had to present them as "horrible" for "forcing" me to do other stuff.

In case of my second girlfriend my mom actually hated her on her own, and I absolutely didn't know how to defend her since in order to "think" of something in her defense I have to not be totally into physics which would again contradict the image I want to maintain. Anyway, this whole thing started probably three quorters of a year into a relatioship and we suffered thourhg it for another slightly-over-a-year until she finally broke up with me a couple of months ago.

But still I think it is very ironic that I actually ENJOY if they criticize me for studying too much and I would ENJOY fighting for it; just as long as they don't fight with me over anything opposite to studying, so that I cna be consistent.

So what are the "steps" in the sports routine that you did which others missed?

Roman,

It sounds like you are enjoying your parents' criticism of you, out of a feeling of wanting to be in control of your own life. Since you want to study physics, it's convenient that your parents are trying to get you to take a break, so the more you will do what you want to do.

But the question I have to pose to you is: at what cost? You admit that your social skills may not be as good as you once thought, after reading posts here on WP. And your social skills won't get any better if you don't interact much with other people, and interacting with people would require "taking a break" from physics or at least being less focused on it. I am not trying to dissuade you from studying physics; personally I think it's great that you want to make such a contribution to the world. However, you are kinda stuck with a very tough decision, with no easy way out: you can choose to do what you love (study physics), but your social skills will continue to suck... or you can break from doing what you love, so that you can improve your social skills. Either way, you will have to sacrifice something: social skills or physics. Or is there a way to try to balance both?

I have no opinion on this matter, so you can't say that I'm trying to push you away from studying. It's a personal decision that you yourself will have to make, as it has some very significant consequences that will affect primarily you.

I never said I want to study physics and avoid other things. The only thing I said was that if I do other things I would keep it from my parents. This has been easy thing to do ever since I lived few states away starting from 2001, not to mention 2009 when I moved all the way from USA to India. I am so used to lying to my parents that even if they ask me where I am, my automatic answer will be a lie even though there is no logical reason to lie. It is like a board game. It never occurs to you that board game has anything to do with reality. In the same way, it never occurs to me that what I tell to my parents has anything to do with what I am doing. So the topic of whether or not I should do things other than physics, and whether or not I should tell my parents I do these things are completely different, and totally unrelated to each other.

But you said that you don't interact with the students in India, or at least don't want to. What social things are you doing while being a postdoc in Bangalore?


But that's not the link that I'm asking about. It's whether or not you should do things other than physics, and whether or not you should be more social to get more social skills. I did not ask any further about your parents. Whether your parents know the truth or not about your social life is irrelevant.

Oh, as far as India, I guess it is probably a psychological thing that makes me feel that nothing is availabe. Probably it comes from the fact that no one outside the institute speak English, some streets don't have a sidewalk and there are A LOT of cars and motorcycles that makes it hard to cross a street or walk along the street. Also there are a lot of street dogs and I am afraid of dogs ever since a dog bit me when I was 6. So all these things put together just make me not want to get out.

As far as inside the insitute, that is a good question. Somehow even in USA when I tought of socializing I was always thinking of people outside school. In my mind people in school and people outside are two different kids of ppl, and ppl in school are just wired to do physics and nothing else.

Right now I don't have that feeling since all these barriers made it harder for me to walk around so I was forced to be around ppl at my school more and I saw that they do talk about non-physics things. But I guess my mind was already programmed not to think of ppl at school as the ones to socialize with, so it never occured to reconsider it.

But good suggestion! One place I can start is this: I almost finished the paper that I am about to publish and I already asked one of my fellow post docs to proof read it. So may be I can use this as a starting point to socialize more.

Yea, you can try this. Remember it's not the only one place where you can start socialising. I agree to Stinkypuppy that you must develope your communication skills. It's EQ. The only way to improve it is practise.

Where is the line how much you should comunicate to others, that you wouldn't be left alone?

Besides, congradulation about your writing finished . Maybe it's not the first for you, but still...




Start to change your routine a bit. Maybe you will feel some benefit from that. Life is always moving and you can always try new things. Maybe you won't enjoy it, but, at least you'll try.
But again, most people who don't care about causal set theory don't know ANYTHING about it, so they wont know who is famous there, either. In this case, again, I would have to do something else in order to increase likelihood of getting in somewhere. [/quote]

Can you choose? I think that would be difficult for you, because you're used to do everything till the end. Sure that's important to get place, but to find out everyone were wrong, that sounds great. You have to think over it and decide what is more important. Maybe if you do causal sets they'd be amazed with your job. You understand this situation better than me. I belive you'll make the best decission.




Nobody knows, you just have to try. More trying, more possibilities to find a person similar to you. More trying, more EQ skills are developed. It's useful, I think.



Isn't it the same when you talk? I think no, you must put words in suitable order, you have follow persons ideas, tell smth funny, react to his mood, predict what they wanna to hear about.... That's like all science....

All life is a science and you never stop studying it:)
Thanks for your letter

P.S. I hope you won't get angry because my respond is not very long...

As far as research you are right it is nice to say everyone else is wrong, thats what drives me. I guess I probably won't see how the factors of being famous and of working in the field that most ppl don't know about would balance each other, probably I should just wait and see what happens.

Now that I think about it, I guess when it comes to socializing in this insitute I kind of feel guilty that I haven't before, so I guess I imagine that ppl probably look down on me for that, which is why I am avoiding them as much as possible. But of course I might be wrong since I don't have any evidence for that; I just don't see why they wouldn't.

As far as approaching ppl in general (whether it be institute or otherwise) you are right that the more I do that the more experience I get. But then it means that I have to approach them both at the right times and at the wrong times, and then, by experience, learn to distinguish between the two. But I really don't want to feel all the awkwardness of the approaching them in the wrong times. That is probably one of the main reasons why it is easier online since doing something wrong online won't make me nearly as awkward as face to face.

And no I am not mad at you that your response wasn't long, don't worry

I sometimes feel so tired of all that trying to communicate with ppl, I wish everything to be simple. I think I won't try to change anything yet. I will fallow my life however it goes, I'll try to pariticipate in events that I like and I won't force myself to do things that I don't like. At least, I won't change anything untill I feel quite happy.

I don't know if you're not satisfied with your situation. If not, then you must try make friendships. You shouldn't be afraid of ppl backwards. They meet many ppl and they don't mind you that much as you think

What changes in your life are you referring to?



I am not satisfied with my situation so I will try as you suggest.

I talked to my sister yesterday evening... She is absolutely different from me. She has a lot of friends, is popular and she hates studying.
I was interested in her opinion, why I don't have friends.
Her conclusion was same as my thoughts: I don't have many similar topics with other ppl, I don't participate in their parties and so on, my talk is boring for them. She told that I usually say things which sounds if I were 10 years old. My jokes are stupid and ppl can't laugh from it. That's why I start feel uncomfortable while socialising.

At the end. she said that I can change this situation if I comunicate more. I would learn their talking style if I spend more time with them. But then I should refuse some of my studies, and I undertsand I don't want to do this.

Nothing new she told but it was interesting to hear her opinion...

That would be changes I talked before.

How is your project going on? Did anyone look over it already?
Is there anything you like in India? Because I think it's sweet country and you told only bad things about it.

bye