"Hi, I'm new!" (EDIT: Includes Questions )

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Hi there I'm new myself just thought I'd say hello, I'm still learning how to get angry myself in a way that's normal it's so difficult to know how and when

Orangebanana: Thank you. I have spoken to them and, strangely enough, they more or less have the same goal for me as I do. I feel somewhat guilty, as I have just found out they were not necessarily trying to confine me to the house as I had originally thought. However, I still fear the thought of going out on my own for the first time... My parents have suggested speaking to the "Special Needs" department at the school so I guess that shall be my next course of action. Thank you. Any more advice that may help would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome, Etular. The only advice I have for you is don't give up. Don't stop trying to get over your fears, and don't stop trying to find some more genuine friends. Teenagers are total s**ts to each other, and if you are rejected at school and don't find some friends either in school or elsewhere, it can really mess with your self-esteem, and it's really important to build your self-esteem back up. I know, I am 42 and I was ostracized in 4th grade and it was devastating, then we moved again and starting in 5th grade I managed to make friends but a couple of years later they turned on me, for no reason ... it was tough, but I did learn social skills and even though I still prefer being alone, it makes a huge difference to be able to get along with people.

Be gentle with yourself, but don't give up. You've done a very good thing joining Wrong Planet, you will meet lots of people here who you will be able to relate to, and maybe some good friends.

Welcome.

Thank you.



I'll try not to. Although Morale for me is low, I do somehow manage to keep going without feeling too down. I think it's more-or-less my assumed key interest (as well as, no doubt, the "special needs" department at my school) that keep me motivated. As for what my key interest is, I can only assume it is either The Computer, The Internet or Video Games - As that is what I spend most time on. Not to mention, I am planning to learn C# - which further supports the theory. On the otherhand, it could be the Three Kingdoms Period of China, British Etiquette or overall anything to do with acting "Gentlemanly" (Including the rather obscure Gentleman's Martial Art of Bartitsu) - as I do spend a fair bit of time researching those, and consider them minor subjects.



We are honest and honourable, they are not - that's the way I see things. I quote one of my minor interests, The Three Kingdoms Period, where Cao Cao stated "I'd rather betray the world than let the world betray me". My mindset is to trust no-one, fear everyone - for anyone could be a friend or foe under the right circumstances.



Once again, thank you.

I'm glad things went well with your parents! That's a fantastic start! I have to say, I really think you should taking antidepressants or anxiety meds of some sort. It seems to me that most Aspies need to be on them as a result of either depression or anxiety stemming from life with AS. Personally I used to feel a lot of paranoia, with regards to always thinking people were talking about me, every time I heard someone laugh or whisper I thought it was at me, whenever I was alone I thought someone was watching me, but being on antidepressants completely dissolved that paranoia, and that was the biggest plus for me. I never thought I needed them but once I started taking them and saw what a huge difference it made I couldn't believe I used to suffer through life the way I was. I encourage you to think about talking to someone about medication. It's great that you taking steps. Have you seen the Special Needs department yet?

This. Anxiety is a very common problem for Aspies, but it's one that can be dealt with with meds.

With lots of support from fellow Aspies and family members, too.

Quite ironically, that sounds similar to what I am experiencing at the moment, but I consider myself to be experiencing it in a minor form.



This is, quite honestly, what I'm incredibly wary of. They say antidepressants and anxiety meds alter behaviour - but in what way? What if something goes wrong? Are they safe? This is probably one of the many things that makes me very wary of taking such medication - and I haven't been asked to take some yet, anyway. In my opinion, I'd rather suffer this paranoia than take medication to make me more "normal". In a way, you could consider that acceptance of the paranoia.



Not yet, I do so on Monday.

They are quite safe, and the effect is subtle. You don't feel drugged or anything, just not depressed or anxious. You can always try for a while and if you decide you don't like it, quit. I was severely depressed from age 9 on, first tried an anti-depressant in my mid-20s. It was such a revelation! I don't mean to push drugs or anything, they're not right for everyone. Just to encourage you to at least bring up the topic with your parents, doctor, and/or special needs dept.

And like ruennsheng said, support from fellow Aspies and understanding family makes a big difference, too, with or without meds.

I really hope that no matter what happens, Etular, you can keep update us. You have our support.

I will think about it, but it may take up to a few years before I finally decide to try them. As for mentioning them, I would have no idea how to bring them up - "Hello, Miss/Sir, I've been reading up a bit on an Aspergers Syndrome forums and have been suggested to take antidepressants"? Would that not raise a few eyebrows or confuse those that somewhat wrongly assume me to be the calm, peaceful, happy person I am (In which case, I am calm, peaceful and somewhat happy - just suffering a hard time friendship-wise and somewhat paranoid at the moment)? It is somewhat less shocking now that I know the effect is rather subtle, but my wariness still remains.



I will keep everyone updated with progress. Thanks.

You're welcome. Stay happy. Have a good day!

orangebanana - you a psychology student?

hmmm

agoraphobia big words..

yeah...

etular I like it how you posted if its too long to read.. read paragraph 3 and things.. because yeah.. I occaisonally skip posts if too long..



You have to change your attitude

just do small steps go someone close alone. Perhaps have a cellphone if you get in trouble you can ring..

perhaps do a sport

good for confidence.. and gets you outside.. and most parents let their kids play sport..

(ok I was clumsy too OK no EXCUSES .. you can play table tennis or chess if you dont want to play a sport.. theres drama (and yes I used to stutter so no excuses ) or join some computer groups. perhaps go to a internet cafe and play games/make friends there

they are mostly aspies there anyway

Hi Etular, welcome to WP! Well, at least you're able to get interaction online. But regarding wanting to go hang out, etc. It sounds like orangebanana gave you some very good advice, and I found the info on antidepressants and paranoia/anxiety very informative. I would say try to keep the conversation going with your parents, and maybe, if they let you, you could get involved with some activity outside of class, maybe something having to do with one of your interests that would help you get to know like-minded people.

And, like reginaterrae said, definitely, don't give up. It's terrible when kids are mean or even just vapid at school, but just keep on doing what you do, and those people who are less than friendly will eventually wander away, and the good ones will become more obvious. Kids being mean is a sign of immaturity and one day, they'll realize what little imbeciles they were being. When I was a kid my mom used to get hate mail, the kind with cut out newspaper letters, threatening her to take her half-breed, n-word kid out of "their" school. And plenty of the kids there were mean, along with a good number of the adults, and even though I'd cry so much then, it helped make me who I am, and offered some dimension I think others don't always have. I believe firmly in being the bigger person in those situations.

And regarding what you said about your looks, don't be so hard on yourself - every flower has nectar

Quite honestly, my neighbourhood isn't necessarily the safest area (it's a public estate)... As for sport, I'm terrible at it and am panting within the first 2 minutes... That aside, the school "Special Needs" department is now planning to work on this issue and similar issues with me within the next few weeks, thanks to me brining it to their attention. There are no internet cafés in the small area that I live, sadly, so that's not an option. As for Drama, I am said to be relatively good at it but have no idea where to find a club in my area. Chess is what my brother plays (he's a Giga-finalist)... So, no, I won't stand a chance at being able to beat him - and want to be able to beat him at whatever I may choose to do. As for table tennis, I would have no idea where to go to play it and my parents won't let me but a Table Tennis Table due to lack of room in the House.



Thank you for the welcome. Hopefully they would let me, but as for where to go or what to do I'd have no idea. I once tried doing Karate ages ago and was always putting myself down at how I was doing everything incorrectly etc.



One of the problems for me is that, in my eyes, I can tell the good students from the bad. However, the bad news is that I have no way of speaking to the good students because, either way, I am naturally a very timid person - even among friends. Then again, so are they. the student/s I am referring to never speak unless spoken to most of the time. Whenever I even try to speak to them I've made such a mockery of myself, saying the most inappropriate of things, until I've just gave up. I mean, really inappropriate things such as "I've always wondered why I can never talk to you nor look you in the eye...". What I was thinking when I said that, i have no idea, but because of that being one of the few things that comes out of my mouth when ever speaking to such people whom I don't know all that well I have decided to more-or-less give up.



Agreed, but the flower still needs to look and smell attractive to the bee to get the bee to come to it to take the nectar/honey. I may have inner beauty but, like the bee, people can be prejudice.

Etular, you sound a lot like me when I was in junior high and high school (except for the chubby part, and we can get to that). Here are my thoughts:

First, there is nothing wrong with being an aspie. Yes, neurotypicals think differently than we do, but they are not better. My personal view is that the neurotypical mindset works well in the dysfunctional social domain of high school, but is actually a disadvantage if one wants to lead a productive adult life. I don't think it's a good idea for you to try to become more neurotypical, with drugs or otherwise.

It doesn't sound like you have very good experiences with neurotypical "friends". That's not surprising. You've correctly identified the other quiet kids as the ones that might make better friends for you, but as you note, it's difficult for shy people to get together with each other.

Are there any academically oriented activities that you could join that might help? For example, for me, in high school, it was the debate team. You don't want to join the chess club, but are there other alternatives? Being in a small group of the best students can help a lot; having something in common helps "break the ice", so to speak.

If not, I will give you something else to aim for, though it will take a few years. Try to get into MIT or a similar school. MIT was great for me because probably a majority of the student body were undiagnosed aspies. It turns out that aspies can do fine socially with each other if there aren't too many neurotypicals mucking up the social dynamics. It is possible to be social based on mutual interests, rather than based on meaningless small talk.

Do concentrate on your basic courses, such as math and science and maybe english, as those provide the foundation for future studies. If you want to learn some computer programming for fun, that can be good too. I would recommend Java rather than C# because you can find a lot of free programming tools for Java, whereas you typically have to pay Microsoft for the C# tools.

Oh, and on the chubby thing - if you would prefer to lose a little weight and become a bit more fit, watch this video when you have an hour free. I guarantee it will be worthwhile, as it explains a lot about fat, from both a theoretical perspective and a practical one:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 661765149#

If you're happy with your body, you can ignore that last.