Mid-Life Diagnosis -- Help

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A lot of people see autistics as self-centred 'slobs' as you (the OP) say. I get called lazy and even feel lazy myself. The psychiatric equivalent word is 'anhedonic' and it basically means the brain of an autistic is by turns over-stimulated by inappropriate things and under-stimulated by other things which would stimulate normal persons, such as socializing and communication.

Dmiller, Welcome to WP! Your intro was very moving. I had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with adhd, ocd and dissociation - I wondered where the "I" was in all of this. It can be unsettling, for sure. I don't know how to deal with that, really. I think my obsessive interests just overshadowed that worry and after a while I didn't think about it like that anymore. I do think though, that that which is unique to me is my reaction and how I choose to deal with the symptoms and just life in general. I think it's all interdependent and I actually like the idea that there are others out there who are like me.

I haven't been diagnosed with AS yet, though I'm certain I have it because it all makes so much sense. Just, so you know, I guess. I hope you're able to hang out here for a long time, too, and get to know people and find some comfort. I think this is a really nice place.

Also, for all the posters on this thread, even though they weren't for me, I really admire everyone's advice and insight. I have benefited, too.

Hello Donna, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

If we could all just find our niche, what a beautiful world this would be.

Hi Donna

I was also dxd in mid life and at first was depressed, because I had wanted a solution to my social skills problem. However, I have since joined some AS groups and found support and friends there. I find it much easier to get along with AS people than NTs. Just as NTs understand each other better, I find that AS people are more tolerant and understanding of one another.

About your concern regarding your individuality - everybody is strongly influenced (even, to some extent, determined?) by their neurology! The concept of neurology or 'wiring' does not apply only to AS people; but to everyone! It may be some NTs think their innate chattiness or other traits are 'just them' - it's not! Many, many people out there have no knowledge this concept; yet it does not influence them any the less and they are poorer for being unaware of it! I suppose, the way you could view it is, the descisions you make, and what you do in your life, are you!

Hope this is of some help!

Carmel

How about if I blame the stupid mistakes and bad decisions and disorganization on the AS, and credit the loveable quirkiness to my personality?

Yes! You're fortunate to have 'lovable quirks' - don't think I'm like that! I made bad decisions too, perhaps because I didn't really know myself, which was hardly surprising, considering that, pre-dx, ppl refused to believe my often fairly accurate self-apraisals. I always knew I was different; but others refused to accept it. Needless to say, this got me very confused. I think if we'd all known earlier we might have made better-informed choices about career, relationships etc. Here's hoping younger ppl who are getting dxd earlier, nowadays, will be allowed to do that.

OMG, this sounds like me! I have not been diagnosed yet, but am looking for a doctor to evalute my situation. It's pretty difficult. Most have no clue what AS is and those who have heard of it have some serious misunderstandings. Many in the health care industry just want to give you a bunch of dangerous meds to "cure" you.

My husband also has AS (probably on of the reasons we understand each other so well, IMO) and he wasn't diagnosed until 30 (right around the time we met). He had a similar reaction you did. But after researching it and meeting others his attitude has mostly changed to one of pride in who he is. Your quirks ARE your own. Your little obsessions make you interesting and make you you The way my husband puts it is no 2 Aspies are alike, they are people too. He likes to think of his "quirks" as "super powers" Instead of focusin on the fact that you are unorganized in general, realize that when you put your mind to it you can focus like no other.

I recently had a melt down due to the fact that we recently became 1st time parents. My routines and "unorganized" organization techiniques we're thrown out the window and I have NOT been dealing well. When I told my husband he told me Aspies are not good at multi tasking with most things. He suggested I figure out a system to implement routine again and that that would not only help get more done but it would comfort me as well. The way he does it is to write himself notes about how to streamline things in his day (how to get bills payed for instance? Or in my case how to get dishes done faster or something). You write it down in a note (he has a complicated E-note system set up that I don't quite understand. I decided to use a white board and post-it's. It's a long process trying to get routines back n order but every little bit makes me feel more relaxed.

I have suspected I have AS for at least 5 years now, but hadn't told my parents for fear of a similar reaction like your dad gave you. Growing up I was told I was "lazy and uncaring" by my mother, even though se would sing my praises to others about how "smart" I was. She would tell me she "loved but didn't like me" becasue she felt I was not a participating member of the family. My dad didn't exactly agree (since me and him are so alike, I'm pretty sure he has AS. He's a pretty textbook example) but he loves her and wants to be supportive so he'd just tell me to listen to her o.0

I told my mother the other finally. She said the same thing (but was a little more diplomatic about it). she said I "lacked motivation" and needed to try harder to be "normal". *eye roll* she tried to blame it on depression from being a Stay at home mom. When I mentioned that I have been this way ALL MY LIFE she kind of just repeated herself and ignored me. I work really hard to try to keep my life in order and try to be "normal" (whatever THAT means). It just ends up causing me serious anxiety and stress. So I don't talk to her anymore about it. It's hard, but I've been there and said what I could say. Why say it again? Luckily my husband is like me and very helpful. But it would be helpful if he were just a friend I had met somewhere like this site as well. I think anyone you can talk to that is going through the same thing can be very helpful

So I hope you understand you are not "weird" , you are your own person, and yet you are not alone I hope this helps.

Willard's post says just about everything I would have said, and says it better.

AS is contradictory, and varies from individual to individual. This means that AS diagnosis often 'proves' very little, other than giving your feelings of otherness a name.

Try to celebrate the positive aspects of AS, and use the help and information you now know to be available to cope with the more negative aspects. It's not a question of changing who you are, but of adjusting to it properly, and managing any excesses which make life difficult.

It will be all right, don't worry.

PS- Just read Willard's reply and have to say BIG ditto!

Especially the "alternate design not flaw" part. I find thinking of it that way not only makes me feel better but is more productive.

Hello Donna,

I'm Taupey 47 yrs, woman with AS, I realized I was on the spectrum when I first came here seeking info on someone else. My reaction has been opposite of how you have been feeling. I'm relieved to finally understand why I am different. Maybe because I do not see AS or HFA as a disability but just different. I had a harsh abusive childhood and always felt so alone. When I came here to this website WrongPlanet.net, I realized I was no longer alone. And neither are you. I have a son who I believe has AS as well. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to send me a PM.

PS - I understand how hurt you felt and still feel after your Father said that to you. Don't listen to that, that's not right. Take Care Donna and I hope I will see you later in the forum.

Taupey