Hi im new to this, hoping for some answers

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Glad you're having the opportunity to meet someone locally. Best wishes to you. I am sure that having a number of lonely nights is never fun. I've had times where just doing something with a friend would be nice.


I think that's something a lot of people would like..it's all about making adjustments within a relationship and be willing to "go with the flow."


Absolutely, it's important for the other person to know. I feel confident there will be people who have such a very high emotional quotient and will be very empathetic. Sorry to hear you abandoned dating the way you did. I am at the point now where I am not looking for anyone. I figure love finds people when they least expect it, and aren't looking for someone else. That's why I am determining what kind of relationship I want in the future. Why I am taking the time to learn about past behaviors, which resulted in the mistakes I kept repeating. No doubt, I will be much better off for it in the long run. And like you mentioned earlier to me, my positive attitude will carry me a long way. I am not even worried about anything, or concerned about it.

I will have enough as it is. I was on the Mars/Venus relationship forum earlier today. One of my online buds over there wrote the following: "Jazz, my advice is to be open to whatever presents itself. It wouldn't be good if the Universe dropped Mrs. Jazz into your life, but you were too busy trying to "just have fun" to see it, now wouldn't it? Likewise, if you are going to be casual, it would be a good thing to let the women you know that you are only interested in having fun for the time being - it wouldn't be fair to let them think you're looking for the soulmate and they find out much later they never had a chance. "They say" (would love to know who "they" are some day) that your soulmate shows up when you're not looking..." Then, she said, "Dude, Mrs. Jazz may not give a flip about your sax playing! Gotta be open to anything!" By "having fun," I mean dating for fun and not being serious about possibly being exclusive with anyone. I think one of the challenges that people with AS face is the limited amount of successful experiences they have had while dating. That's where I am in my life right now, and why I am in no hurry to be exclusive with anyone. I know the odds will be better for me, as time goes along. As the saying goes, I'm just "playing out the string."

Good for you to not have stayed in that relationship. From what I sense, many women are in your situation. They would all like to meet a really great guy. That may be a part of growing up, but don't ever give up having those warm, trusting, and innocent feelings, even if you might think otherwise. I found that women were attracted to me initially in the past because of those qualities.

Or as I heard one time.. "What will be, will be." People should be focused on their needs, and determine what they want in a future relationship. From what I have been reading, unless a person has done enough "inner work" to determine what he/she wants, that person will repeat the pattern of behavior by attracting the same kinds of people in his/her life.

I so do not like living in the Bible Belt either, and I don't quite see myself as one of the "Good Ole Boys". I don't speak "Southernese" (a personal joke of mine). After moving from one Bible Belt around the Indianapolis metro area to here in Chattanooga in mid-2007, I thought I was good. Wrong. I found out I was in the midst of another Bible Belt. Nice, eh? One joke about the South - you can find a Baptist and Methodist church on every street corner. Human ignorance? You'll get my vote on that. I found my niche with various groups in the greater Chattanooga area. Where a person sets his/her intention is often what that person will attract and manifest. Doesn't matter if it is something negative or positive.

I'm very sorry that you endured what you did as a teenager. That's just about as bad as having a father who chose to brainwash me to believe a certain way for many years (as was my case). And thirty years after my parents were divorced, my father believes those very same things. Wants people to feel sorry for him, because he doesn't understand why people in the South don't understand why the Civil War is over with and such. This would be a conversation in itself, trust me (which I am not gonna go into). In other words, if my brother and I were left with my father, I wouldn't be here typing this response to you. Took me many years to undo the layers of brainwashing. Fortunately, I did that, and move forward in my life. Also, the doctors could not figure what was wrong with me. Was told I was "mentally slow," had cerebral palsy, all kinds of stuff. It's no small miracle I am here today.

Yikes.. an autistic boy was suffocated to death by a preacher? Makes one wonder. You and my brother would have gotten along very well with the type of music you both listened to and such. Sorry to hear about your Dad's situation with the fellowship. Sad to see what happens when control is forced over someone. You wrote, "He was a workaholic and didn't have much of a social life, beyond his technical interests (communications, electronics) he excelled at his career, and was a very quiet man, a sober man of few words, We didn't have a close relationship, so we never set down and discussed what was going on in my life."

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if your Dad was AS. Medical studies have shown conclusively that it's very likely that AS can move from one generation to another generation within the same family. I feel that women often tend to marry someone who reflects what their fathers were like. After all, it's what a female knows growing up in a household. Although.. you can't miss what you have never had, you can continue to believe that you will be involved with someone who will desire to work with you in having good communication. I'm aware from another thread, in which you and I have discussed about Atheists and Christians about the evils which come with religion (and yeah, we have only talked about the iceberg on that). You're right.. religion can destroy lives. I saw it in my former marriage.

Sorry that everyone in your family seems to be gossiping behind your back. Nothing like feeling stabbed, time and time again. If it was me, I'd ignore them as much as they're considered family. Lastly you wrote, "I suppose we could move from here. That might could make things better... just move, and start over with a new life." Sure, it could make things better, but do you really want to do that? When I read about the passion from your posts about paleontology and such, I thought, "This woman's discovered her passion in life. She is very content where she is with her passion. She seems very connected to the ocean and to nature." I don't know why, but my gut feeling's like "Where would you move to be in touch with your passion?" Definitely don't want to let your passion die. Reading you talk about your passion is what caught my eye about your posts. You captured my interest with your posts. I have been intrigued to read every post you have written so far.

because he doesn't understand why people in the South don't understand why the Civil War is over with and such

Make that.. because he doesn't understand why some people in the South feel the way they do towards Northerners, long after the Civil War ended. sorry....

I think you misunderstood what I mean.
I am not placing people on the scale of 1-10. Only my interests. dreams... fantasies.
In my fantasies, I think "How wonderful... how beautiful to be loved... what it must feel like..." hopeless romantic, and I think romance/love is an 11 or 12 on the scale, when I was young and dreaming.
But then I meet the real people, and the interest (no fantasies, no dreams... but real life) dwindles down to a modest 3.5 or 5 ....



Maybe you really need a girlfriend with your same interests. that also enjoys less social activity and more intimate time, one on one. Not everyone must go to parties and mingling scenes, which are boring to me also.



You're correct in that observation. Many people cannot understand the Bible, because it is labeled "Holy" ... and they set on their butt, waiting for some man to tell them what to do, to think, to say, to act like. (You are Aspergers and think you have a hard time... not half as hard as a fundamentalist who has their brain frozen on religious dogma).

The whole book, when read in proper context, it begins with the story of God giving ten laws... and the only other person who actually taught those ten laws, to worship God, and (love) respect your fellow man, was Jesus, and the religious establishment murdered him for teaching the true law.

The Bible is summed up, just that simple.
God (O.T.) and Jesus (N.T.) and so many stories of idolators, adulterers, murderers, pedophiles, absurdities... and men adding / changing the laws to suit their customs, in the pages in-between. All of it manmade chaos, murder and mayhem. Men wrote the Bible, and it testifies to their ignorance.

As I say, the only man in the entire book who taught the actual law of God, was murdered by the religious establishment (guys like Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts, Jim Bakker...) -- Jesus condemned (them... the men... remember the woman they dragged before Jesus, and the law of Moses.. created by men dictated to "stone to death" anyone committing adultery, and that's what those men wanted that day too. They wanted to see her get her brains stoned out. Ah, where was the man she was committing adultery with? Why was he alleved of his guilt/crime... and what of his punishment? Why only the woman??

Jesus said "He who has not sinned, cast the first stone." The hypocrites scattered. Those men knew the Law of Moses very good. But they did not know the commandments of God, namely, "Thou shall not commit adultery." And there was no exempt clause for the men, although Jesus scorns them in scripture for doing that very thing, re-writing the law to accomodate their "hard hearts" in putting their wives away... amending for divorce, but Jesus said, "It was not so from the beginning". Instead of bashing out the woman's brains, because a man lead her into adultery, Jesus taught repentance and forgiveness. Moses and men, did teach "stone that woman's brains out."

It's written even in the Bible itself, how they could not discern in the simplest of things such as these. The whole book is loaded with how they committed fornication, idolatry, polygamy (Solomon "the wisest man of all") plundered several hundred women, along with his father David. His son Absalom had a public orgy :

2 Samuel 16:22
"So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel."

...and David did he pity those women who had been raped and exploited? Oh no, those women were punished to live in isolation and loneliness and never to feel the warmth of a man's touch till the day they died.

2Sm:20:3: And David came to his house at Jerusalem; and the king took the ten women his concubines, whom he had left to keep the house, and put them in ward, and fed them, but went not in unto them. So they were shut up unto the day of their death, living in widowhood.

So how did David die?

1Kgs:1:1: Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.
1Kgs:1:2: Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
1Kgs:1:3: So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.
1Kgs:1:4: And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not

Disgusting. Am I the only person in the world that can discern that King David was a dirty, wretched old pedophile.. laying next to a young virgin child -- while dozens of women his own age, are locked away in isolation and imprisoned -- for what crime??

It was shortly after all these "whoredoms" (the biblical prophets' own words) -- whoredoms, that God destroyed Israel. Between David's adultery and murder, and Solomons idolatry and polygamy and mass-plunder of women -- that Israel was destroyed and scattered to the winds by the Assyrian Empire. Soon after, the destruction of Judah came, by the Babylonian empire. All I can say is "good ridance". They were an evil bunch.

Was it not commanded "Thou shall not commit adultery"? David and Solomon certainly cared nothing about obedience to the commandments, especially the 7th one against Adultery. I think most women, around the world (and most men for that matter) are revolted by Adultery. That commandment is a common sense law, out of respect for neighbor.

So what you say, "If we can not help ourselves and rely on someone else is that being bone idle and weak when we should find solutions our selves." The characters in the Bible were given laws, and yet could not abide by them... they could not find morality in their own souls. Without doing what is right, good, moral, all laws and teachings of wise men, amount to nothing. Most Christians don't even read their bibles... so what can they possibly know anyway??? They let a preacher, or an organized religious cult lead them, and think for them.

So you see why (because of the men who inspired it) it is better called, the Unholy Bible.
The only thing sacred in the whole book, are the 10 Commandments, and the teachings of Jesus, which remained true to the actual laws of God.



You should be patient until you find a person of similar interests, that enjoys doing things at your pace, and take it a day at a time.

The most important thing of all I think that makes a relationship work, is 1) Be Happy 2) Smile

At least that's what the nicer, better adjusted guys on dating sites have often told me.