I think my whole family has Asperger's...

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My mom, my dad's only sibling (a sister) and one of her daughters, and all three of my siblings are aspergers. I think my dad might have been. He died in 1967, but all I remember of him is coming home and emersing himself in one of his two hobies.

Myself and both my sons are on the spectrum and I suspect that my brother and dad are too, my dad being the worse effected by far

Hi,

I decided to join the forum after reading your entry as I immediately knew what you were talking about. I too feel I come form a family with a lot of autistic tendencies and I too always wondered growing up why was my family different. I didn't start off thinking my family were autistic, it started off with my friend (also a social worker, suggested that the problems I was having with a family member might be because this person appeared to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Narcissism or NPD as it is known). I looked up this personality disorder and thought yeah it definitely explains a lot of people in the family but as time went on I thought I have some of the characteristics of it too but NPD's don't have empathy for others and are incapable of seeing anyone else's point of view ever and are convinced they are superior to everyone else and are always absolutely right. This didn't explain some family members myself included but was bang on when it came to some others?

Then my child was diagnosed with autism and this led me on to finding out everything I could about it and I now believe that explains it all! I recently read that about 60% to 70% of autistic people probably have developed a personality disorder as well. That made perfect sense to me as to me I believe some family members (myself included) I believe also have got Asperger's Syndrome and some other family members have also got Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There seems to be more autism tendencies on one side of the family and more Narcissism on the other and in some cases an amalgamation of the two. To me that explains it all. Also because a lot of the characteristics of Narcissism and autism overlap people with either or both tend to meet, marry and have kids and so the disorders live on for another generation.

Best of luck with your family and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this

hello me new 2

Wow I thought my mum was one of a kind, not anymore. My sister recently suggested my mum has this disorder. We always knew she was a b***h but we thought there could be more to it. Mum had 4, three girls and a boy. Our childhood was a mixture between outright neglect and verbal and emotional abuse infact when she gave you attention it was always negative so you would prefer the neglect, too bad she didn't get the cleaning thing. I noticed most of our parents havent been formally diagnosed. This kind of bothers me coz mum has caused deep cuts and emotional pain in everyone around her including her own mum and this disorder seems almost like giving her a free pass to be the most selfish, cruel, unkind person on da planet. It also bugs me that its their loved ones that are still looking for reasons for their bad behaviour and trying to understand our childhoods, while they remain in their arrogance. IT SEEMS EVERYONE AROUND THESE PEOPLE SUFFER EXCEPT THE PATIENT, so they are disliked by people but they are so arrogant(high moral standards-not) that they don't care. While she seems almost a classic case of Aspergers, she could be NPD as they are known for projecting or acusing others of having bad characteristic or intentions because they themselves have them. mum's favourit one was we were manipulators. I have spent my whole life dedicated to being the exact opposite of my mum with friends and family and it is honestly tyering being so scarred. I have no idea what level of frustration and letting things go is normal as a mum. I have learnt by whatching friends with their kids. Coz if you asked me anthing less than perfect could damage them for life. everything my mum did and said hurt me I was "Sensitive" too. To be honest If I knew that I could have Aspergers or pass it to my kids years ago I would not have started a family myself. Thats how bad the damage was. And its very hard to accept that she can now continue with her astonishing lack of respect and empathy and I should now excuse her because of a disorder she will never even know she has. This woman wont even accept her grandson is allergic to her cats when his eyes are bulging the size of tomatoes "no" we just don't like animals." If aspergers was curable I guess I might feel different but I feel angry for some reason.

I believe that both my mom and dad are on the spectrum, but again they are undiagnosed. I grew up being "sensitive" and tried for a long time to figure out why my family was so different. I grew up in a house with no empathy, physical and verbal abuse and like many of you, any time i say ANYTHING that could be interpreted in a way that suggest my dad isn't "perfect" he is automatically defensive, rude and calls YOU out. No doubt he has developed NPD and a whole lot of other s**t. He was never at home, because the "home" is not his job. His job was being away earning money. My mother was then left with my and my brother, and since she's on the specturm she would never accept that we kids were not perfect. So i had every sign of autism and since her "focus" is health and nutrition she believed she was god with it and would try to fix each individual thing wrong (rashes, asthma, anger, aggression, all of it) without EVER once getting a professional opinion or seeing the whole picture. Since it was not my dad's business either, I have suffered for 20 years trying to figure out what is wrong MYSELF. I'm glad I have. But I also have a TON of grievances that have yet to be settled.

I am 40 and just learned I am high-functioning two years ago. I had no idea why I always felt so "different" from everyone but my own family, so I am thrilled autism is getting the attention it deserves. It sure would have made my life a bit easier over the years had I known why I struggled in crowds, at school, in social situations, with sleeping, with digesting, with words or emotions, wearing scratchy clothes, fixating on odd things, getting injured repeatedly... well, you get the picture. I had several professionals growing up try to tell my parents that I was extremely smart, but I was also kind of missing the mark. My parents saw themselves only a generation before and shrugged off any advice that there was something different about me. They felt they turned out okay so there wasn't any reason to overreact. They saw me as a unique, smiley and pretty girl. Since I was an only child, I had one good (and popular) friend while growing up who led the way by -often painfully- teaching me how to act or react in various situations.

Just a few years before my dad died, he was told he had autism. He scoffed at the diagnosis because he felt he was very empathetic and had numerous friends. Well, both were true, but there were also about 100 other signs which clearly point to autism. My mother went to a neurologist after suspecting she has Aspergers, and as a 62 year old, she's finally gotten some answers about herself too. Without either of my grandfathers' being "diagnosed," it is very clear both had autism. You can kind of see why my parents got together; they understood one another. Well, at least for a time they did. They divorced when I was a teen.

My dad's mother also thought her two autistic sons were "just fine," and fought any special attention directed to either one. She admits her husband's father (my great-grandfather) was a very quirky and socially awkward individual. My grandfather's two sisters were also emotionless individuals with many autistic characteristics. My grandfather, his siblings and his father all eventually died of neurological problems. My 59-year old uncle is in a nursing home and his occupational therapist called me to ask if he also has autism. She had no idea of any family history.

And guess what... Without any intention or knowledge, I married one 6 years ago. My husband, whom I affectionately call, "Rocketman," has Aspergers. I married him because he was one person whom I shared several obsessions with (bicycling, hiking, skiing, etc) and I am attracted to his many positive characteristics. We have a gorgeous 4 year old boy who finally shed some light about the many generations of our families when he went to Children's Hospital two years ago. Cody has autism. He will be the first generation of many who will get help along the way. I'm very thankful he spoke at 2 1/2 with a speech therapist's help. I was 4.

I cried, and I still cry, about the uncertainty and the knowledge of what Cody will face, but I will be his champion and mentor. While he gets help, I learn too. Unlike my grandparents, and probably many other generations, I have learned to be expressive, loving, empathetic and understanding to my child. I've learned to be a better wife too (and also thanks to a divorce...). My grandmother is just like WiseFool's and langer's moms, and her rigidness harmed her boys badly. My grandfathers' were also emotionless and very difficult people too, so I greatly admire my parents for their survival.

Thanks to current research, and the internet(!), we have a better understanding than we did even 10 years ago. Some of the best information I learn is from blogs from websites like this one where those with autism or living with someone who has it, describe it from their own perspectives. I hate to see you all suffer, so the good news is you've identified it and will hopefully put a stop to hurtful behavior for the future generation.

I am new to WP also. I too grew up in an ASD household, knowing that my family and I were different but never knowing why until I discovered AS at age 30. After talking to my mom about it, we quickly figured out that my dad has it too and also my aunt (though we would never dare suggest such a thing to her, as she is similar to PRB's sister). Some of my grandparents probably were aspies too.

At first, we didn't think my mom had it, as her ability to interpret body language and read minds appears very NT. However, she has the classic sensory processing issues associated with AS (aversion to certain lights, low noise tolerance, aversion to many smells, etc.) Digging a little deeper, we found that her ability to mimic and to read social cues was learned in a way not uncommon for aspie women, and she identified with Liane Holliday Willey's Pretending to be Normal. We now believe she is on what is sometimes called the "invisible end of the spectrum". She actually gets very stressed about changes in household routines and had meltdowns during a recent remodel. She also finds NT "girl talk" boring. She fits a description Dr. Attwood gives of those who use imitation as a coping strategy. (Mine is escape into imagination.)

Interestingly, my sister, who does not appear to have AS, says that growing up in our family she thought something was wrong with her because she couldn't do things like memorize the reigns of kings and other aspie things.

When I was growing up, my dad had a lot of sudden outbursts of rage, and to this day there are gaps in his ability to truly know us, as he tends to develop his own version of reality. Overall, though, he did his best to give us a good upbringing. Mom is very perceptive and seemed to understand that I needed certain things explained to me explicitly that I suppose NT kids usually pick up by osmosis. I think that helped me to be as high functioning as I am.

On good days, my husband is more high functioning Asperger's, with his quirky outbursts, inappropriate wit, happy hermitness, and endless ability to read computer code... But then something can happen to his mood for some unknown reason and he can become angry, loud, threatening, paranoid, frantic, and scary. He'll say hate-filled things that are completely unrelated to what is going on, like a sudden rant that has no reasoning.
Even though we've been married for 23 years, I've only recently discovered what Asperger's is. Those of you that have lived with both, is there a dark side of Asperger's or is this something else? As I read your comments, there are definite NPD traits I see in him, like no ability to empathize, conspiracy theorist, paranoia...this is frightening.
-What to do...?

hi welcome