Hello from another new member

Post Reply New Topic

iam what you say about alarm bells rining is a good way to describe my insight. into aspergers.....i used to be annoyed with a group of peple standing aroiund me and would act erracticlly in this situation, now at leats i understand why this annoys me and i avoid this situation....self awareness is the next step past alarm bells rininging. you have only been aspie aware a month, it will take time to sink in.

Thanks. It's great to know there are so many friendly people out there to talk with.

Krex, I want to think hard about your question and give a good response. Unfortuately I must go to work now, and also I'm a bit hungover from drinking too much last night. I promise to reply more fully this evening or on Saturday. The impression I get from your message is that you come across as having low self esteem and you lack confidence, on top of the depression. The childhood you describe must have been frightening for you. I'm no expert and not really qualified to give you advice, except that as a person who has also suffered from low self esteem and depression, I could tell you what has helped me become a more positive and more confident person (even without achieving my goals in life).

Bye for now

Steve

Hi Ian,

We do seem to share much in common in our situation and around stress at work. I also worry about things I've said and done at work. I'm a perfectionist, so I'm always thinking I've done a poor job or made someone annoyed with something I've done or said. Have you disclosed your AS to anyone at work? I've told my boss and one other colleague. They were already giving me support (e.g. checking any sensitive emails, or helping me make difficult decisions). I think I did the right thing in telling them.

My dream is to semi-retire at 55 and live a more relaxed life-style. I so want a lower stress job and more time to spend doing things that I really enjoy. Do you have a similar goal? What strategies do you have for de-stressing after a difficult day at work? It's good that your AS diagnosis has helped you become more aware of when things are getting too much for you. I hope you manage to find good ways to not let worry about work affect your relationships.

Regards
Steve

Krex, I promised to give a more thoughful response. I've read your message again (sorry for truncating your message above).

You write that you did not feel loved as a child and this made you depressed, and you continue to suffer from depression. You don't find your current job rewarding, and you'd like to find a more satisfying job. One idea you have had is as an eBay purchaser, but you worry that your memory and lack of IT skills may affect your ability to do this job, even though it would involve searching for items to buy/sell, and that is something you'd enjoy. Is this a correct interpretation of your situation?

I think it's a good thing that you try not to dwell on the bad experiences from the past. You mention that you see a counsellor. I saw a counsellor for over a year and I found that it helped me with my depression and to think more positively. What benefits do you get from seeing your counsellor?

I've hated my jobs in the past, and I've tried psychometric tests and profession career guidance. I thought that getting a more rewarding job that more closely matched my skills and personality would solve my depression, but it didn't for the same reason you give. It did not address the cause. It was only after the AS diagnosis and acceptance that I do have AS that the depression has become more manageable.

You do seem to lack confidence in your own abilities when you write, "anything I think of I can think of a social,ethical,sensory,financial reason why it would not work" Has your counsellor asked you to think about all your strengths that could help with getting a more rewarding job? You love animals. Have you thought of all the possible jobs that involve working with animals? You could try the eBay purchaser idea in a small way and see how you get on. There are all sorts of strategies for overcoming memory difficulties, such as making notes.

One thing I did a few years ago was start doing some voluntary work. I'm a helper at a local club for people with learning difficulties. I found it pretty stressful at first, but now it helps to lift me out of a self-absorbed state. It's really helped increase my self esteem and confidence.

Good luck with finding a more rewarding job.

Steve

Hi Steve...thanks for your thoughtful reply....


I guess I should clear up some misconceptions,my writting is not always that clear(seems to get more difficult as I get older and have more "history" to recount)....I am not depressed...I dont think,certainly not the level I was most of my life(suicidal and self destructive)...I am very lucky to have met someone 4 years ago who has shown me that I am Loveable...whold of thunk it....Other then preferring that I not shave all my hair off(I have been tempted at times)He never tries to change me,has a very level temperment and gives me all the "alone time" I require,doesnt force me to socialize,etc...I am pretty happy(as much as I think I am capable of...

I am seeing a counseler right now to get a DX about AS....I then plan on going to him or someone else who knows about AS to get some practicle advice about going for further education (have a BA in Psyc),or career change....I have been to several psycs in the past for depression and CD issues and I think that I have made some positive growth(take what fits and leave the rest for the buzzards)...
I just really feel that the AS is the missing piece of the puzzle...I would like to find a counseler who doesnt "patholigize" my thought process....I think I experience life/information differently NOT wrongly.
I dont want to be fixed...I want to have my reality confirmed as valid and then work with in the perameters of that reality(not an NT reality)...hope that makes sense...

I will check into the ebay buyer possibility...I just have some reservations about the practicality of it...I would probably like working with animals the most ...just not sure about the options....I have been very poor most of my life,homeless for awhile and do seem to need a job with some financial security.
I have been leaning towards "sleep tech"..."pharmicist assistent"...I was just hoping the career counsler could give me some tests to make sure my cognitive function would be suited for these(given some memory and spelling issues)Up side...I am good at focus and researching,like to learn.

I dont think I have a low self-esteem...do I ...is something wrong with me...what did I do wrong...whats wrong with me to make you think that....hahahahaha...joking
Mostly I think I am ok...just think others think I am "strange,ugly,stupid,incompetent and crazy"
I dont think that about myself....well,maybe the ugly bit....

Hi Krex, thank you for clearing up my misconceptions. I'm pleased to learn that you're not depressed, and in a long term, loving relationship. That's something I've not achieved yet. I find it difficult to provide the full context in written communications (such as on this discussion forum), and it is dangerous to draw sweeping conclusions from a few paragraphs. I'm sorry if I've suggested low self-esteem. I guess it's a typical AS thing to assume someone else has something that you have (had). I thought you might have low self-esteem from the rather negative statements that you wrote about yourself in an earlier message "...dont think I would be very good at ...", "...would never be able to work in...", "...anything I think of I can think of a social,ethical,sensory,financial reason why it would not work...", But of course that just might have been how you felt at the time you wrote the message.

Your career counsellor should be able to give you psychometric and personality tests that would help tell you the kinds of jobs you would be good at and find rewarding. There is lots of information on the Internet (e.g. http://www.psychometrics.co.uk/, http://www.careerkey.org/asp/your_perso ... choice.asp).

All the best with your career change, and assert your rights to have those tests from your counsellor.

Steve

Hi Steve
As it happens I'm between jobs at the moment,my employer having 'downsized'
and I took a redundancy package.This was before I learned all about AS so
to some extent I'm able to take stock now.
In general I enjoyed the type of work I was doing (road exports) and maybe it was the
firm's circumstances but things had gone from 'I wonder what will happen today' to 'I
wonder what will GO WRONG today'.It was one of those jobs that even NT people find
stressfull anyway.I think it was sheer knowledge and experience in the business that
helped me with communication as well,because we're all more confident in things we
know about.In hindsight,if I'd been aware of AS at the time I'd probably have had to
flag it up to management or at least tried to compensate as I was a little too much of a
perfectionist for my own good ! I can also see ways I could probably have improved
interaction with colleagues,although I got on fine with most people.I did allow work to
dominate my life though instead of striking a better balance.
I'm thinking of changing from dealing with roadfreight to seafreight as in theory the
latter is a little more orderly and routine,but in any case I feel I know more about my
strengths and weaknesses now. Having to take time out has been a blessing in disguise
in some ways.I possibly wouldn't have stumbled upon the AS if I hadn't been browsing
the net and noticed a mention of it, then a whole book of revelation opened up as I
recognised all the symptoms.
Voluntary work is something else I've thought about and the idea of retiring at 55 also
appeals to me !

Regards Ian

You're welcome. There are many friendly users on here.

Hi Ian,

Thanks for sharing your current situation. It seems like some positive things have come from what must have been worrying and stressful at the time, namely all the change associated with taking redundancy. I think you're right that it's so much easier to address personal issues and learn more about yourself when you don't have a full-time job. It sounds like your previous job was stressful at times. I have also tended to let my work dominate my life. I want to be as prepared as possible for meetings, because that helps me to feel more confident in these difficult situations. Unfortunately, this can mean working at weekends.

Have you thought about getting a formal diagnosis of AS? Perhaps this would be difficult where you live in Scotland. My family seemed unwilling to accept I had AS until I got the formal diagnosis. I had incorrectly diagnosed myself before with alexithymia (http://www.alexithymia.info/), although there are similarities between alexithymia and AS. I have read lots of books related to AS recently. Two of these book cover working with AS, and have been helpful to me. "Managing with Asperger Syndrome", is written by Malcolm Johnson - who has AS. It contains some useful checklists for handling difficult situations at work (like meetings, and office politics). The other book, "Coming Out Asperger", edited by Dinah Murray has a chapter on disclosing at work and in other situations.

I wish you all the best in seeking a less stressful, satisfying job in seafreight distribution or whatever you decide.

Regards
Steve

Hi Steve

Thanks for the advice and a note of those books,they could certainly come in
handy.I started off by reading Tony Attwood's book 'Asperger's Syndrome'
and was glad to see other books on AS in the shops.At the moment I'm
satisfied with self-diagnosis as I can relate to all the symptoms in detail
but I'll keep an open mind about having a formal one at some stage

regards
Ian