I'm Litzah, I'm new on here. :.)

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Hi I tried to PM you there but don't know if it worked. My Internet is WEIRD today, so I'll reply when it fully comes back!

Not only did I receive your PM, I responded to it.

Welkome to WP

Mick

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hey, I'M BACK! (Jesus, she's back, God help us! ).

I don't know, last time I was in Belfast was 2005 and I was VERY impressed at buses there. There seemed to be LOADS of them, they seemed to be on time too. They also had a system at the time where they provided yellow phone booths to pedestrians who could phone a taxi for free from there. No need to give the address you were at when you phoned from one of those booths, the taxi would come directly to the booth! I thought it was brilliant! I felt the PSNI was very conscious of possible dangers on the streets of Belfast, even in 2005. Once I was waiting for a bus in the evening and it was really dark. This policeman came out of the police station, expressed concern at seeing me on my own and asked me if I needed a lift. Bus arrived at exactly the same time though, but I thought it was nice and polite of him.



This sounds very true. I normally cannot stand NT type online forums for more than like a week. There is always someone on them to tell me I'm "weird", and not feeling, or reacting, as I should or something.



Another thing I do is time myself. If I am talking to this person for more than 3 minutes in a row, no matter how interesting I believe I am myself , it is time to let the other person speak. I started going on online dating websites recently, and met a few girls in real life from them. Yeah I know, I know, it sounds terrifying, but in fairness, a lot of non AS people seem totally terrified at the idea of dating also, and I have mostly met very lovely, VERY nervous girls through dating websites. I find that in the presence of a NT who is petrified with nerves, I relax and am at my most functional ever. Those experiences have therefore been rather OK most of the time, and even enjoyable on one occasion. Still don't have a girlfriend, but sure. During those dates, I time how long I am talking for by casually having my arm in a way that I can discreetly glance at my watch. After 3 minutes of talking, I stop. That's also because since I do loads of things with my life, I don't want to start talking about my fantabulous artistic career either, as a date is not a job interview!



The one thing I HATE is to sound patronising! But I guess I do when I go on and on and on. Problem is, if I am talking about my special interests, I obviously know EVERYTHING about them so THEN I may sound like I'm patronizing you about language learning and such like. My dad sounds VERY patronising too, and really irraitates people. I guess he gets away with it because he is clearly a nice guy who is also very generous.



YAY! Oh, no, actually, he's colour blind... He loses his stuff all the time. You'd see my father running around going "where is my purple folder?" You'd start looking everywhere, never knowing the YELLOW folder that is in the living room IS the one he is referring to. Swear to God.



Eye contact used to be AWFUL for me in those years where I had loads of noise fits, teenagehood. Now it is good, I can look most people even straight in the eyes. Problem is, if I don't know you too well or I have issues trusting you (I have issues trusting quite a lot of people, mostly the ones who look like they are mentally strong and would shun me if they knew I suspected I had AS). If I don't know whether you are trustworthy, I will start gazing into your eyes and I will absolutely lose touch with what you are saying or the general social situation. I can't try and decipher your facial expression AND listen to you all at once, it's too hard. You know the colleague from the soap I felt I was boastful with? He would make me really uncomfortable, I could not figure out even whether I liked him or not. At first when we were in the soap together, if him and me had to work together I would gaze at him but next thing I could not conccentrate on my work. In the end I had to stop looking at him altogether to be able to concentrate. He actually pointed out to me I wasn't looking straight at him anymore, and asked me if I was all right, he did sound concerned and nice then. I told him I was fine, and proceeded to look at the top of his nose. I find that if I do that, people feel I am making eye contact when I'm not. The other thing that really helps me is my height. You told me you're 1metre 88? That's MORE impressive than 140 kilos, even! I'm miniscule, I am like one of the shortest adults I know, short of being a dwarf of course. With tall people, I normally don't have eye contact problems, I can't reach their eyes at all, considering how short I am! The guy I'm talking about was like the same height and weight as you, so little problems NOT looking at him straight!



I would have SO hated you for scratching them! Lucky we're meeting on here rather than in real life so, and that we're adults.



TV closedowns! I didn't realise that's what you call them in English, I just checked the word in a dictionary. They were called "mires" in French, from a word that is synonym of "mosaic". We had a mosaic and this kind of easy listening awful music to go with it. The mire itself never scared me, it fascinated me because the French one had all these colours and patterns. If you type "France 3 mire" in Youtube you'll find one. But at the very beginning of the mire, there was this loud beeeeeeeep! It would unfailingly trigger a noise fit in me. I remember being right in the middle of a noise fit, totally petrified in front of a mire, and my mom and dad talking above me about how "weird" I was. I'd forgotten that thought, it just came back and aw, it's painful. I must have been like 4 and blanked it until now. I think it was mostly painful to hear my parents call me "weird", when what I was feeling was so real to me.

I had a terrible fear of death. When I was nine, my dad came into my bedroom one evening with all these books and told me he knew the solution for me to not fear death anymore. He started reading me all these pieces of literature that were really beautiful, but did not help. I asked him why he was reading me all this and he said: "I know you will become a writer when you grow up. And you see, writers don't die. When they die, their soul continues on in their writing, for posterity." Sounds like a beautiful thing to tell a 9 year old? TOTALLY didn't help, thanks for trying though!



I just thought they were alive, after all, I had no proof they weren't. I was using these objects, they were useful. Whatever was useful had to be ALIVE too, there was no such thing is a useful inanimate object. I think this is a thought I might have inherited from my father and grandfather, the writers of the family. My grandfather wrote around fifty poems giving a voice to objects and plants. He also had serious social difficulties. I wouldn't be too surprised if he had AS too. He passed away four years ago so, so it's kinda too late to check, but I knew him quite well so that's why I think that.



The problem with that though is that you'll end up making yourself feel miserable for doing so, and also people who can sense this about you will know how to push your buttons. I can understand where you're coming from as I say wrong things all the bloody time. [/quote]

I know. It's funny though, I am studying towards this Acting and Theatre Studies Diploma where I live, and the other day, our sourse director just blurted out: "Oh my God, am I weird? I ALWAYS feel like I might be saying the wrong thing!" And the whole class blurted out all at once: "Me too!! !! !!" and there was this great relief in the air we were all admitting to being socially awkward. I think many people, even those who are not on the spectrum, tend to be awkward.


Thanks.



About three years ago, I had the WEIRDEST DREAM. I dreamed I was in this strange, white house and my uncle was there. He told me: "I have a guift for you, I'd say you'll like it", and brought me to a different room in the house. In there, there was a big screen and this video was being shown, a video like the ones your family makes of you as a child, as a keepsake. I moved closer and realised the video was coming alive, this little girl popped out of the screen. She had long dark hair and was about 4. She was totally absorbed, putting all her toys in a line. Then she looked at the line, decided it was all wrong and rearranged everything. She did that 5 or 6 times. I did not dare talk to her, she felt so aloof, it would have been like waking a sleepwalker up. Then she made another line of objects but I felt it was wrong so I moved towards her and arranged the line for her. She looked up and smiled, and I realised she was me at 4, if that made sense. I put my hand on an object. I wasn't sure whether she would go in hiding, because at that age I would have hid from an adult, but she just smiled and I started playing with her. It may sound like a nice dream but it terrified hell out of me, to see myself again at 4, totally aloof and totally obsessed with ordering objects. I wasn't sure I liked the more AS side of me there. But I believe I owe her to remember what it was like when there was no one at all in my world.



I know I shouldn't worry about boasting, or about saying the wrong thing, but when I start, I start obsessing for real.



Ah ah ah ah! I was going to say: "It's all about the penis", myself, but thought: "Hang on Litzah, you're new on here, don't say the word "penis" lol.



Transgendered in France get bullied real bad, from what I hear. I have a trangender friend there, she had the hardest time. Bisexuals tend to be only accepted when they express their liking of the opposite sex. I have another friend there who is this bisexual female. Whenever she has a boyfriend, she can discuss her boyfriend with her mates. Whenever she has a girlfriend, she is supposed to never mention her or something. The problem with that is that most of us need our friends around us when we split up from partners and such like. When my ex girlfriend left me, it was really hard, and harder no friend would comfort me "because we are not comfortable ourselves you were with this girl".



It seems these French people are having a problem with people who never had sex before, because it means these virgins must be unsexy, or have something wrong with them, if "no one wanted them for sex". That is what a lot of French people told me when I asked them where the taboo was about never having had sex with a man. But if it's all about having sex to prove you're sexy, then it's not about clinical virginity anymore. Sure another lesbian can find me sexy, and have sex with me? But apparently only a man can validate a woman sexually, in French society. I am not necessarily a feminist, but I DO find that frame of mind sexist.



Completely.



If I can. This is where the rigidity of an AS frame of mind gets in my way. I have difficulty with fluidity, adaptability and "changing my mind". Even if a good part of me would be ready to accept these changes, AS holds me back.
And as I had said:



.
Because I am a nice person, in general, I am willing to hear people out and try and understand their point of view. The problem with something like sexuality is that it is personal to each and every one of us, but in hearing people out in terms of how they perceive sexuality, I subconsciously try and mimick their views of it rather than my own. I think this comes from the incredible amount of time I spent mimicking the ways of NTs since I was a child. After a while, I seem to lose touch with what I am. What I am is probably bisexual, but I yet have to get used to define myself as such. I am so used to the "lesbian" label, I would forget I like men sometimes!




I'd agree with THAT. But I think that in the past 10 years, the French are starting to dislike more than "certain" sections of society. When you hear anti-Muslim comments AND anti-Black comments AND amti-semitic comments AND anti-Chinese comments from the same people, you have to feel this has gone way beyond disliking "certain sections" of society.



I hope not, and I think that 12 years on, I may be clear of them. Or not. After we started talking the other day, I went to bed and damn near had one because of the fridge. The fits belong to a certain period of my life associated with more troublesome AS, or at least AS looking symptoms. Just remembering some things, as I was posting on this thread and others on WP, I started being unwell again. I really enjoy this conversation, and I think you are a really nice person! But it may be I will need a short break from WP once in a while, to recharge. I am at that point now when I could be like those people who say they "grew out of AS" as it does feel hat way most of the time to me. But for the sake of my own past, and because I believe I am only functioning up to a point, I do need to look at life from more of an autistic standpoint these days, it is a metaphysical need. My mother would always tell me she didn't want me to become a writer, always sitting on my own at my computer in my room, because I was the kind to be "comfortable in a bubble but there is a world out there too", she said. I am spending SO MUCH TIME with people these days I need my AS bubble back a little, I believe I have a right to it, as it is more reassuring than the outside world is. But AS side of me could end up posting 70000 posts a day on here and not function anymore, so I have to keep looking outwards. I got really mad at my brain for almost triggering a fit the other day.





I live in a rather small, close knit community, and ladies the same age hang around in a click no matter how different they can be from each other. Those clicks are age dependent. All 20 year olds are together, all 30 year olds are in another group, 40 year olds in a third, etc. Now I got "promoted" to the 30 up group kinda when I moved here aged 27, because my friend, the one who thinks and knows I am weird but does not know I suspect I have AS, was older than me and in that group. In the 20 year olds group, there is a girl I strongly suspect of having AS, and there is also one with Downs Syndrome. Last year the Downs Syndrome girl got bullied at her school (she's still in secondary school because of the condition, she repeated SO many classes), and all the 20 year olds from our community went out and confronted the bullies, they were outraged. If anyone dared bully me, they'd stand by me, it's almost like the community's honour would be at stake otherwise. In fact my mother has been rather insulting of my social problems and even since I moved here, a few of my friends from this group contacted her to tell her she had to stop being horrible. So I do genuinely think I am safe with these people.




I am flattered they consider me as Irish enough to be part of their "Irish group". I am also happy I am in a group with 30 year olds, rather than 20 year olds, I am mature enough for a conversation with a 38 year old, but some 20 year olds in Second Year in college are kinda brainless. Other than that, I don't really enjoy their company. I don't really enjoy any company, generally. Except my dad's and my cousin's, but then they probably have AS and it's more like I am talking to like minded people. A couple of people are so accepting of my differences I like their company to a point, but there is really only so much I can take of other people's company. I'm a TOTAL workaholic anyway, and systematically use work as an excuse to avoid going out. Being a singer, I tend to be free during the day when my friends are at work and to have concerts and rehearsals evenings when my friends go down the pub, which helps. Some weeks I only see work colleagues, no friends at all. I enjoy the company of slightly older people though, and of our community's elderly. I always feel reassured around the elderly, they remind me of my grandparents. I enjoy their company and stories. The old generation Irish people have the best stories and where I live, there are a lot of stories and folklore, our area is steeped in it. These elderly people like me because I have an interest in the history of our community, the origins of placenames around where I live, that kind of stuff.



I am going to shock you terribly, since beer is your special interest... I am gluten intolerant, no beer for me! Flavours? It's not exactly my special interest but I am totally addicted to diet coke. I drink CRATES of it each day. I know, it's bad for me. But I love the taste. And the bubbles. I like lemonade, and obviously lemons. I like cherries and raspberries. Wonder what beer would suit me then, were I not gluten intolerant? I don't know if you know this, but in Israel, they have this beer called the Birra Shrorah, it means: "Black beer" in Hebrew, I can't have it since I found out I am gluten intolerant, but my family is Jewish and drink crates of it. It is like 100 per cent Malt, really sugary, and tastes like alcoholic coke. It is a cool drink. I used to love it. If I had it now, I would die from the sheer amounts of gluten in it though. You should try it, I'm sure you'd find it in like Jewish shops or something. I'm trying to think now... don't know about Lacashire, but in the North of England, you could go to Leeds. There IS a big Jewish community there, you are bound to find Birra Shrorah there, it's a cool one. In England, I usually ordered Indian Pale Ale, loved it! Haven't been to England in a while now though.



I don't know but when I look at my family... the more intelligent they are, the more doors, sense of direction, driving etc, seems to mystify them. My family has a few geniuses who CANNOT cook their own meals for fear of burning the house down, but who can learn a language to fluency in six months, get a painting exhibition or write a novel no bother.




Next time you feel like a moron, just think of me pushing doors instead of pulling! You are NOT alone.




I'd say AS makes it hard for you to know how to change or improve, I find that too. I am sorry you don't really like who you are. Take it from me, you at least make a great online impression! I met people on forums who were not as nice as you before. I hope that in time you manage to change the things you don't like though. I'm 29, you're 23. I know that at 23, I didn't like who I was, or how to change. Things have changed since for me, there's HOPE.


As I said, the same Aspergers tests seem to yield different results on me, depending on the mood and state I'm in when I fill them in. However, though the same tests tell me I am more or less autistic, NONE said I was NT ever, not even when I filled them at my most functional. As I said, I don't mind the autistic bubble too much, so won't mind it if I turn out to have this. At other times, AS is a REAL PAIN, and makes me suffer a great deal. I have an ambiguous relationship to that part of my personality. I feel this autistic bubble makes me too complex for society, and too tortured, but I wouldn't like being boring either and not having the bubble. I would definitely not desire to wake up one bright morning with no AS traits, I am so used to them by now I wouldn't know how to live differently.


Yeah, it is.



This email is killing me, it's so long to write but tomorrow I will PM you a link to my soundcloud page, so you can hear what I sing. I'll also answer a couple of questions that I believe might make me easier to trace, since Ireland is a small country, but I'll do it all by PM. I don't mind your knowing these things, as you are in England. I am kind of afraid of another WP member from Ireland suddenly identifying me under my real name.


Don't, as I know you will do something of those lovely photos of yours yet, and then we'll all be jealous of you for it.



You wouldn't expect it from someone with Aspergers though. But there are so many opportunities to scriptwrite for American TV and cinema, there have to be other AS doing scriptwriting too, that we don't know about.



I didn't write for them long enough to know that for sure, but I'd say you're right.



Me too. AND I didn't answer all your questions, but deleted some, not because I didn't want to answer, but becausxe this will grow exponentially if we're not careful.



I almost lost my mind. To be honest though, that soap is ADORED around where I live, even by non AS. A friend of mine got an acting part in it. Unfortunately, they killed his character after only a few weeks. Since he is not on the show anymore, he is moping around he SO misses it. I SO understand.


Bring it on!


Probably.



I'm not writing for them these days, but on occasion I receive an email or a phonecall from one of them guys saying: "You know, I would like for Andrew to have an affair but... in keeping with his personality since the end of the 90s, do you think a guy like that would betray his wife?" I know these characters enough to be able to answer that.




Oh God. After one hour working for them, that thought struck me. Next thing it became an obsession, and stayed an obsession to this day. On occasion, when I got too starstruck and the pressure got too much, the thought would terrify me: am I too intense, too Aspie, too much of a fan, to do a good job? Would they fire me for being more of a fan than a professional writer? Am I professional enough? I almost quit 20 times in four months at the thoughts.


Jesus, I'm verbose! When this conversation eventually fades (like, never :.)), we'll need to post a last message with the word count!



Ah yeah a second post... It WILL have to wait until tomorrow though.

Litzah.

I shall respond to you tomorrow as I'm simply too tired to wade through all that now. I hope I am forgiven.

As my driving instructor would say: "You are forgiven... once." Ah sure take your time!

It may well be better if you write out your response to my posting (i.e. your second post) so I can respond to them all at once as otherwise it might get a bit messy.

You are TOTALLY right. Internet is still a bit weird though, so will try later!

Hi CockneyRebel and Richie! Thanks for your welcome messages! I am sure I will see ye around the site!

Heya Tequila! 2nd post.

I think so too. But Jeez, it's taking me ages! May take me longer during the week by the way as I work, so I have less time to spend online. If you keep writing though, I'll keep writing too!

Maybe talk soon! Litzah.

Hi Litzah! Just thought I'd bang in the first instalment of my reply to you tonight. I'm doing this under the influence of the devil's buttermilk so you'll have to excuse any errors or ramblings you may come across. I'll sort out part two tomorrow, hopefully, but you may have to give me some time.

And so am I. Strong and resilient. Marching on relentlessly.



This is true, the bus service in Belfast is pretty decent. If you want to go pretty much anywhere else in Northern Ireland on the bus, though, then you have a bit of a problem. You can get the train if you want to go to Bangor, which is what I did. I liked Bangor. North Down is lovely in general though. That part of Northern Ireland is an interesting place, as it's a) the most middle-class and b) the part of Northern Ireland that is most like England. It has an interesting political history there, too - North Down has a history of supporting maverick candidates.



Yes, the bus service in Belfast is very good and well-organised.



Yeah, the taxi drivers are pretty friendly sorts there. We didn't need to use 'em often but they were happy enough. I remember being in Londonderry and picking a taxi up from the city centre (I was stopping in Creggan, lawl) and the guy was quite friendly. The taxis were far, far cheaper than in any other place I've got them from in the UK and were more along the lines of what I remember paying in the Canary Islands.



I bet it would have been better in the old days though.

There's a book by a former English cop who was a policeman in England and went to serve with the Royal Ulster Constabulary Special Branch in Northern Ireland during the Troubles - including in violently republican Beleek. Have you read it? It's called Deadly Beat by RIchard Latham.



The Northern Irish are generally cracking people, very funny and honest with it.



Well, we have our arguments, our spats, our rivalries and our fights on here but don't most places have them?



What kind of places are you referring to? I tried the very informal chatty feminine type boards and I simply couldn't hack them. Either I contribute to very big boards (in which case I don't see much point as they're far too impersonal and impossible to keep track of), or boards catering to a specific interest, or else I simply stay here. The Mumsnet-type places are a bloody nightmare. Having said that I think an awful lot of men and those with truly independent minds on the Internet feel similarly, so it's not like I'm alone with that sentiment.



Depends how small the board is but if that was a problem you could always not contribute to the "awww! I need sympathy!" threads and stuff. Just an idea.



The thing is, that will often not work particularly well. It depends what you're talking about, of course, but if you're talking about something and the person you're having the conversation with gets bored after 20-30 seconds and you're still going after two minutes...

...the problem is, when people start sighing, it generally means that they want to get away from you as soon as is possible.



I take it they were all quite local?

I could use online dating sites to meet people but to be honest a lot of the women on there seem either too old or have definite 'ishoos' going on. Neither are good, and in the majority of cases we wouldn't be compatible anyway.



It might be a good deal easier as a lesbian, though. I'm not sure it's the same for us (mostly) straight guys.



I bet that makes you feel good about yourself!



If you have a large city/town fairly near to you, there's a much wider range of people to choose from than if you were in the wilds of Donegal, say.



The other point to this is that the lady you're with might well feel that you're boasting and rubbing it in their face and that you have "a very high opinion of yourself". It's a terrible balancing act, I know.



It's not so much that, but if you explain something to someone say three times and the person you're talking to perfectly understands what you're saying the first time, by the time you've explained it the third way they might well feel that they are being spoken down to. A lot of it has to do with body language and interpersonal cues and, well, all that stuff that people with Asperger's aren't terribly good at.



You will also need to bear in mind that most people would not be anywhere near as interested in that subject - i.e. language learning - as you might be.



I'm colour blind and I'm forever losing my stuff.



Wow, that is bad! I tend to have a problem with navy blue and purple, orange and green, and so on and so forth. Purple and yellow are quite different colours. His colour blindness sounds quite extreme actually.



Understood.



You know that you don't want to look people straight in the eyes, like you are staring them out, though? Because that can signal things like attraction or aggression. It's very subtle, but it's also to do with the movements in the eye and around the eye. I suspect you know all this already, considering how well-accomplished you are, but just sayin', is all.



Be careful with this - depending on the way you do it, that can either be seen as mega-aggressive or mega-interested and it makes men either very uncomfortable or flattered/turned on. Just something you might want to think about. If someone relentlessly wanted to stare in my eyes, I'd feel somewhat threatened. It's aggressive and signals a desire for confrontation.



The thing is, listening to someone's tone of voice and if what they say checks out well with you is often better than trying to check out someone's facial expression all the time.



Do you not think that perhaps you fancied him? Generally, eye contact goes: eye contact, look away, eye contact, look away. Relentlessly gazing at someone tends to mean that there is an issue, at least somewhere.



That sounds rather like attraction, or if you're obsessed with something or someone. I at the moment find it very awkward to look at people if I am thinking about them and don't have a "clear" head.



Like I said, though, the entire system of eye contact and body language is very complex.



Just be careful your eye expressions aren't too blank. If you can look the top of someone's nose in a similar way as someone without that disability might look at someone in the eye - i.e. eye reactions to being told certain things, you'll be fine. Otherwise, people might think that there is something amiss.

Sorry, am I taking things too literally here?



It really isn't, not in the UK. Most men here are around my height. My brother is slightly taller than me, for example.



Yeah, but 140lkg is heavy!



What height are you, Litzah?



Well, you just have to stand further back.



Wait, what, he was as fat as me?! I'm pretty heavy, y'know.



Don't worry, they weren't anything important.



I did experience the A Clockwork Orange OST for the first time through it though, and I was probably only about seven. It probably took me another seven years or so after that to see the film properly. I don't know who bought my mum that LP but she saw the film when it was originally shown in the UK, uncut with an 'X' certificate for cinema, back in 1971. She thought it was awful and violent. I still love the "Overture to the Sun" track to this day.



Yes! Something a bit like these:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCPIP7Il2sE[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGkgXAi6PYE[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aof7EeiJdc[/youtube]

I would include a special one from Northern Ireland (with a special version of The Queen), but I think you get the gist.

Incidentally, the version of God Save the Queen used in that last YouTube video is identical to the one used in the local independent cinema in my town before the adverts starts. God, I haven't been there in years!



Yes, the ceasing of transmission.



I knew it was called something like this in French. I've heard of the name before, deep, deep somewhere in my memory.



I think I understand. From the sounds of it, closedowns were much more easy going and mellow than those in the UK.

BBC Radio 4 still does closedowns (yes, with the Queen) at 00:59 UK time each day.



I might just do that after finishing this message.



Why did it come at the beginning? That makes no sense to me. In the UK, the beeping came after the ceasing of transmissions. In fact, all the UK terrestrial channels more or less stopped having closedowns altogether by about 1996/1997 anyway as they just cut to their rolling news channels or else just stuck Jobfinder, foreign films or other junk on in the early hours.



I'm sorry to hear that.



Sorry. I think I had a nightmare or a noise fit too when watching a closedown. I think I was about six at the time but I don't remember much about it.

I won't ask such questions if this happens to be painful for you. I suspect you're finding out a lot about yourself just now, perhaps digging up long-forgotten memories.



It doesn't sound as though you had the best childhood in the world.



I had a fear of death too. My mum even took me to see my local GP with it at one point, though I think it subsided by the time I was about seven or so.



Yeah, I can sort of imagine how that would sound twisted to a child's mind.



I sort of understand that and sort of don't.



Was the food you ate alive too? Now that's definitely a scary thought, depending on what you were eating! Sounds like something out of a nasty horror film!



I wouldn't so much say that as suspect that a lot of people who are on the course that you are on are probably socially awkward, and probably feel more so due to their special interests and other factors than, say, the general population as it were. So they're all kind of geeky in that sense.



No problem, Litzah.



You seem to dream a lot.



Is there anyone there now? Or do you still feel alone, if only in a different way? You can be around lots of people but still feel that. Just ask lonely people who live in densely populated territories such as Gibraltar or Hong Kong.



But what good does it bring you? None. Don't worry; I obsess a lot too, over different things (and occasionally people). It doesn't seem to help though at the end of the day.



I don't think describing anatomy is the problem, it's when you start talking about sex that there's a problem, and then it has to go in the Adult forum and, well, it gets complicated. Best to keep it clean if you can.



I thought they might do.



You see, I'm not sure I get that, because I think I'd appreciate a girlfriend that likes perving at women as much - or as little - as I do too. Perhaps I'm a bit weird, but I'd rather have her leering over decent totty than some beefcake moron on the tellybox.



Bear in mind that, depending on the amount of friends she may have, there may be one or two women in that group who are very repressed lesbians/bi folks but don't want to admit it for fear of general ostracism and bad feeling.



True, true. But then there are those that never really had friends in the first place.



Was this in the Irish Republic or in France?



That seems quite wrong. Clearly you were wanted because you did have a sexual relationship with a woman. You just didn't lose your virginity to her (in their eyes) as it would have been anatomically impossible.

And I don't like this idea of "wanting people for sex". It sounds a bit too much like treating folk like a piece of meat to me. No ta.



But you did have sex, and you are desirable. So even though you might be a 'technical' virgin, you're still sexy. I bet you're sexy as hell.



I think the way I'd look at it is that you might be a virgin in the sense of never having been penetrated by a male, but you've definitely had sex. Yes, it's a tortuous definition, but what are we gonna do?



I understand. Your sexuality is yours and yours alone. It doesn't matter anything what me, thee or Debbie McGee thinks about it at the end of the day. It is your body and mind and you decide how you will think about it.

I might say that, once you get into your thirties, that you may have a change of outlook and a relaxation on the subject but that is all up to you. I suspect you might have a bit of the old "No Surrender" mentality going on up there.



That sounds awfully like I'm being dismissed and told to shove off.



I understand what you're trying to say and I'm trying to be as open as I possibly can with you. If you like women, men, both or neither, it doesn't matter to me. I'll probably never meet you in the flesh anyway.



I understand how you must have felt. I still do mimick NTs a lot, even today, but there are an awful lot of, er, divergencies. I don't tend to give a toss what other people think of me when I'm in the local supermarket, for instance. I'll shout and bellow if I want to, and if I think something is too expensive or out of place, I'll say so. Everyone else wishes to hell and Connacht that I'd shut up, of course.



My point is that, as you get older and your extreme anti-man (in a sexual sense) views and experiences of your teenage years fade into the ether, that one day you may be comfortable with that label. Or you might decide that you rather like being solely a lesbian. Many people are bisexual at least in some sense or another but won't admit it. I'm a fella but I've been known to look at men admiringly too, although I'm resoundingly heterosexual.



I'm a member of UKIP, if that helps make things any clearer. I'm not a fan of Wilders' extreme views, but I can understand how certain people get to have them.

And I have no sympathy for the FN/BNP/FPÖ-style far-right whatsoever.



Indeed. I don't dislike all Muslims - some of the best meals of my life have been cooked by them, and sometimes I feel as though I share more common ground with some Muslims (like Naser Khader) than I do with "my own people", to put it crudely. I understand that you are Jewish, so I understand why Jew-hating (I don't like the term "anti-Semitic" as I think it's dishonest) comments are particularly insulting to you. As for the Chinese, I don't think I've ever met one that I disliked. Also, I used to be a huge fan of Hong Kong cinema and it has been nearly a lifelong dream of mine to visit the territory.

I feel another YouToob video coming on:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL2Pmec3KbE[/youtube]

This is one of several videos covering the idents of most well-known Hong Kong movie studios. Every time, before the start of a film, you'd get treated to these. They always used to make me whet my appetiter in anticipation of what I'd get to see on the screen. I used to stay up well into the early hours of the morning during my teenage years watching hundreds of films from Hong Kong that I'd bought cheaply - for just a couple of pounds a piece - from a Hong Kong retailer. Action, drama, comedy, Stephen Chow movies, martial arts, horror, 'Category III' movies... I loved them all.


I hope so.



I'm sorry if I am causing you problems, Litzah.



Is there anyone you could see to or talk to that might be able to help you with these fits?



I'm glad. And I'm very flattered. Thank you. You're not such a bad auld stick yourself, you know.

Time for another drink.



I believe that we all need this. Why do you think I go away a lot?

This place gets too intense and all-encompassing for me, and I'm a pretty regular poster around these parts.



You're doing far better at life and are far more successful than I am, girl! Although I don't think the idea that you "grew out of AS" or whatever difficulties you have really applies to you, as you still seem to have problems even to the present day. Just because you have adopted and improved does not mean that you are immune.

Just remember that there's always someone worse off than yourself. You're doing well. I'm not going to say that you're "normal" because you're obviously not but you're doing well for yourself. Be proud of that. You just need to meet a nice girl to make you complete. A lass who can smooth out your rougher edges, as it were.



Explain? Perhaps the alcohol has befuddled me, but this didn't make a great deal of sense when I was sober.



There is a world out there, and the ideal is to find a balance that you are comfortable with.



That's why I envy you and why I think you're really not doing too badly for yourself. To me, you seem like a very developed, fully-grown, and extremely independent woman! You've managed to forge a life completely on your own in a country you have few to no ties with. Compare this with me who has only been out of his own town on his own about three or four times in his life!



I understand how you might well feel like that, Litzah. Many of us are not so lucky. Like I say, you're an amazing success story.



The English word isn't "click" (although it is pronounced that way!) but is spelt 'clique'. Don't worry, Litzah, you're still doing amazingly well.

And as for the groups: that sounds seriously old-fashioned - like going back sixty or seventy years, all a bit Coronation Street-like in the old days - and really isn't something I'd recognise as part of a modern day community in the UK and Ireland. We have nothing like that around here, for instance, and I live in a small town.



I have an inkling of what you're trying to get at but here it isn't nearly so formalised as how you describe it! As a general rule, though, I've always felt much more at ease speaking to far older people than myself.



Wow - it sounds like a parallel universe!



You make them sound like a platoon!

They sound like good people. It sounds like a lovely part of the world that you're in. Irish people can be such lovely folk.



You're one of 'theirs' now. There ain't no goin' back, girl!



You seem as though you might be suited to conversations with far older and more learned people than that!

Or, probably a better way of putting it, you'd be better talking with a learned 20-year-old than a 50-year-old whose head is full of nothing else but air.



I didn't think you would. Personally, I think you're with the wrong kind of people and you could do to be in company that you might find more rewarding. I understand that this might be difficult in the Ireland you live in, though.



No? Not even mine?



I understand what you mean. Eventually, even those people get to become too much.



Is writing at home what you do at the moment?



You rather pique my interest.

I'm over on the island in July. If it's at all possible, I'd love to see you sing live! Do you sing professionally or are these concerts just for small numbers of people?

I would be green with jealousy but then I remember that quote from Erica Jong: "Jealousy is all the fun you think they had."



Personally, I think you might have far more in common with them. I always felt I did growing up.



I understand. They are looking to you in order to keep their traditions and history alive.



I'm really sorry to hear that.



What's the attraction of Diet Coke over regular Coke? I really don't like the sweeteners they used in Diet Coke as it seems so fake to me as I can still taste the... bitterness?... in the drink. It doesn't feel natural.



Do you not like your Coke with a large dash of freshly squeezed lemon?



Belgian Kriek and Framboise, of course!



See above.



It sounds lovely. I really, really want to go to Israel and have done for a few years now. The Hatikvah is one of the most beautiful national anthems I have ever heard.



It sounds quite similar to Guinness Malta and the other malt drinks I have had over the years. Not forgetting kvass, of course. Ever had that?



Understood.



I want to now.



Bit far for me to go for a malt drink I think... unless I stop off at BeerRitz on the way?



If Israel wasn't so damn expensive, I'd be there like a shot?



You should come again. Come to northern England. Flights are easy to get from Dublin, Galway and other Irish airports.

I'll not bore you with the history of IPA, but the beer you ordered most likely wasn't IPA but was instead bitter. IPA tends to be stronger and hoppier than what you ordered. I'd love a bottle of BrewDog Punk IPA (5.6%) now, though.



I can see where you're coming from but I don't think the two are related.



I understand. I think, though, as I progress a bit and manage to move into my own place that I'll start to pick up my mother's culinary skills. She'll teach me some... hopefully.



I'm not sure that will help when I'm wrestling with the library "PUSH" door though, but thanks all the same.



But you seem to be far, far more independent and further on than I am. The way I see it is this: if you can get to be where you are, what excuse do I have? I feel a bit trapped.



Thank you so much! Mwah!



Thank you! And, yes, I know the sorts of people you mean.



It's a slow process... but mine seems to be so slow that it has in fact stopped.



So? You're autistic in some guise or another. Is that such a big deal?



But you understand also that there are many people who are here to help you, right? You would not have had that fifty years ago, say, whether you lived in France or in Ireland. In fact, if you lived in Ireland you'd probably have been packed off to the Magdalene laundries.



So I take it that, when you deal with people that you try to keep everything as bright and as uncomplicated as possible?

(I've had quite a bit to drink by this point in the proceedings so I apologise if my responses are somewhat incoherent.)



You never know, Litzah. Next time, you may well be lucky.



It's probably the extra energy it brings with it.



It sounds as though it has helped you a considerable amount in various points in your life.



I want to hear you sing. I want to feel your force in that room because, by the sound of it, it's most definitely there.



Indeed it is. Music is extremely popular in both jurisdictions in Ireland, north and south, nationalist and unionist, Catholic and Protestant, working-class and middle-class. It is one of the lifebloods of the Irish.



I think perhaps we'd best call it a day as I seem to want to keep making it longer and longer. It's almost as though a war of attrition is going on. Even I'm getting a little fatigued by the length of these messages and I wouldn't say something like that lightly!



I understand but having said that you don't need to give too much away as I don't live in Ireland itself. If you're still around and kicking on these forums come June/July, I may well want to come see you.



Understood.



Well, there are a couple of WP members from the Republic on here. I understand, though, how the island is a small place - perhaps not in a geographical sense, but in a social sense? Certainly. It's not like Britain.



Please tell me! Your platitudes and encouragements are lovely but I'd love to know who would want to take on the snaps of a dolt.

I'm not doing myself down, and I don't think a lot of my photos are awful either but a lot better snaps can be produced with someone with a small modicum of talent and a better camera than mine.



This may well be true but they wouldn't wish to mention that about themselves, though, for obvious reasons as it would probably do irrevocable damage to their careers. Unless they were writing anonymously/pseudonymously, of course.



Did any of your scripts/creations ever make it onto the screen? You must be completely and utterly bowled over with yourself if they had!



I'm sorry, Litzah. This has gotten way too long and has become quite tiring indeed for me. I've been at this most of the evening.



That's very understandable, considering the position you were in.



Oh, I can understand that! Still, it's a story you can "dine out on" for quite some time, I'd wager.



Murders, suicides, broken marriages, punch-ups, assaults, Welsh people...



They should be paying you for that sort of expertise, Litzah! I'm shocked! If it was up to me, I'd have you working with that soap permanently.



Some of them must feel more like your own family than you real family.



Yes, but they probably didn't think you were a fan until much later on. Or did they?



I take it you never got to meet the actors? I take it you would have fainted right there and then?



Alright then, Litzah: if you're verbose, what am I?



That'll be at least five or six figures in the word count stakes, I'm reckoning. But you're a writer, you should be able to make a decent guess far better than I could.



I'm absolutely shattered now. I can barely write another word. I think I am going to drink this bottle of Weston's 2010 Vintage Cider (8.2%; 500ml) and then I am going to bed. I am absolutely bereft after writing this for the past three hours.

Thank you and goodnight!

Cheers.

hi litzah, welcome to WP!

And mine too. I needed a bit of a breather from this but I'm back in the hot seat now.



I put myself under pressure.



No, I just won't answer it.



I've had a few yellow ones. Can you explain exactly which one?



I could have used something different but I'm comfortable with this as a handle for the time being. I am so unimaginative!



I suppose it would be less confusing if people just wrote "this" instead.



I'm glad to hear it.



Trailer:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJLmHkSzKPs[/youtube]

So do I. The nice bits, not the roughite bits.



Did you ever visit Haworth? Bloody steep main street, I know that. Full of Japanese tourists.



Aye.

I don't communicate with spirits though; I drink them. (Well, not often, but you know what I mean.)



Keighley? Haven't really ever been there - I do know it's Timothy Taylor (a brewery) country though.



Yorkshire's a lovely place to holiday and, as it's so large, it's a place of contrasts, too.



Understood.



I only wish I was. There's a difference between sounding intelligent and actually being intelligent.



No; I did a few computer courses but that's all.



Got it.



Understood. For Wikipedia's part (yes, I know that anyone can edit wikipedia[/i]) it states:





Wow; it's much more lax here in the UK (and likely in the Irish Republic). There is a sizeable home educating community in the UK.



It all sounds somewhat restrictive.



It sounds as though it really paid off for you in the end. Good for you. And you seem very capable in your chosen field, too.

It sounds as though homeschooling is legal but very restricted.



No, no, none of that. My mum had to satisfy the local education authority that what she was doing was in my best interests but apart from that, they didn't try to bully her because they knew that she knew the law and wouldn't take any nonsense. She was actually working in education law for a solicitor around this time.



I picked them up naturally, although, to be honest it's not so much of a problem dealing with decent people but dealing with the detritus of society where I come unstuck.



Could they speak good English? If they had connections in the UK and also were able to pack up and move, that may have been an option.



Got it.



Yes, but would not life have been even more uncomfortable for you in other ways - especially with bullying and the like?



This is true. A lot of people really don't have easy lives at all - many people, even those who aren't autistic, lead utterly miserable lives. I know; I've met them. You see them in the supermarkets and in the streets.



You'll have to wear something distinctive. I have an orange scarf that I wear. Bright orange. You can't miss me. It was very useful to my mum when we were in the middle of Manchester last year.



No?



True, but I've been on Flickr for five years now. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.



What sort of food do you like? And have you had boxty?

I'm sure, whether fat or thin, you'd shine on that stage ever as brightly.



I have more from my time in Tenerife. I really must get on with putting those up - I am so lazy!



I have a bath every day, me.

(preens)



Merci beaucoup.



Great; I'm just not getting enough of it from the ladies.



Depends on who it is, depends on the situation and so on and so forth. I don't generally like my family touching me, but they don't like touching me anyway. My mum can touch me - I don't mind her touch - but I really dislike it when my dad does.

I need a girlfriend.



Like whom? Who would need to touch you otherwise?



Think that way all you like. I'm not about to start losing any weight.



Soz.



I think it's different when you've never truly had any independence but have only known dependence in various forms.



Try me. As long as it don't smell.



I hope I don't end up like this. Mainly because they're vile. I know - I've eaten them!

If you ever come over the water we'll feed you properly.



I've heard of this being done before. Do you have Primark - or equivalent - in the Republic of Ireland?

(edit: Looking at Wikipedia: the chain is from the Republic of Ireland! I didn't know that!)



As long as you don't end up like Mr Trebus (a Polish-born compulsive hoarder who became famous through a show about his battles with environmental health in London) then all is good.

Here is the late Edmund Trebus in action (an old episode of A Life of Grime from 1999 I think):

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOa35VD9q94[/youtube]



No, it's just that I have no incentive at the moment as my mum does everything for me. When I get my own place, I will be the one responsible for it. Although I do a little bit of tidying up (like making my bed), it is insignificant in all honesty.



Or perhaps I should get a girlfriend with a cleaning obsession.



Oh yes. With the worst of them I just keep out of their way. Nasty and spiteful some of them.



Sometimes having an easier life is the better option. Your significant other chipping at you and being in your face isn't something you need.

Or, to use an Ulster expression: give my head peace!



Certainly heard of it but never watched it. I have little time for television full-stop these days.



Well, there's not much to us really - just make us feel loved and watered and you're cracking



Understood. That's often the way though, isn't it?



No - I have a younger brother. He's a bawbag.



The earlier ones really aren't much good, though. They're often way too dark.



And I need to put more up.



Oh? Why?

Here's my most recent one:





Photos like that bore the hell out of me. You've probably noticed but I try to avoid people as much as I possibly can. Almost all my photos are of objects or buildings rather than actual, living people.



"Everyone else" can do that - doesn't mean we have to.



I think that Belfast is a bit of a dump, and that rural Ulster is more genuine.



Understood.



I would love to go to Greece! I went to Corfu but only when I was very small.

Morocco doesn't appeal.

Want to go to Switzerland but mainly for bizarre reasons.

I've travelled a bit in England but almost none in Scotland. I have spent, altogether, a few weeks in Northern Ireland. A beautiful place, although I prefer it in the more pro-UK east.

I really would love to visit Italy! It looks so awesome to me, but my mum isn't interested.

Want to explore Portugal more.

I think out of all the countries though, Israel is a place I would definitely like to visit. I have some sympathy with the Israelis. Hatikvah is such a hauntingly beautiful national song. Out of all the countries in the Middle East, Israel is the only one I really want to visit.

China? Not interested in most of it but would love to visit Hong Kong, Macau, Shenzhen and Beijing as well as Shanghai. HK is where I'd like to go most of all.

Would like to visit the United States but don't have the money for it.

Would also like to spend time in the Caribbean - I have a long list of the islands I would like to visit there - but money prohibits this.

I've crossed the border a few times to visit the Republic when I was in Northern Ireland - mainly Co. Donegal, but I also briefly visited Monaghan and Louth/Meath. Very brief that visit, though. The main thing I came away with was that the Republic was far more expensive than up in the UK.



I've been. It's like a mini-Ireland in a way with nice villages but give Douglas a miss. A lot of it reminds me of Morecambe, but just more expensive. The Isle of Man is not a cheap place with things costing more than in the UK. I'm led to believe that Guernsey and Jersey are also like this.



I want to visit both the Hexagon and the outre-mer. I have a big interest in empires and dependencies and stuff. Which is why I enjoyed Gibraltar so much.



This is my interest in photography in a nutshell.



This is my approach too. Other people can take photos of people.



Was it worth it?



I wonder if one of the featured pubs is The Crown Liquor Saloon in Northern Ireland? I've visited that pub. Can't say I'm mad keen on the place but it's alright for a pint or two.



Whereabouts in France were you from? If you were based in, say, Northern France I can understand not visiting Spain but if you were close to the border.



One of my friends who I speak to on here is actually from Seville.



Lucky you!



I can understand how people might think that about the Spanish.



Not an Irish thing too?



Which is why I have to tell my mum to stop slagging people off, clearly in earshot, when we're on holiday.



OK. I'll try not to.



Perhaps?



I would rather like to think I have you beaten on that score.



Ah-ah - no you don't. We'll order the food, then you can talk whilst I fill my face.

Mind you, I bet I'll be dragging you away when I've finished eating and you still haven't come up for breath!



The same does not work the other way round. Access to TV from the Republic of Ireland in Great Britain is non-existent (Northern Ireland is a different case). In fact, Irish people wanting to watch Irish TV in Great Britain often have to get a Sky subscription from NI or the Republic.



Are you sure about that? I think it's repetitive and somewhat unbelievable but most soaps are.

You'd probably like Terry Christian's accent but every time I hear it I want to murder him.

Have you ever heard of the Lancashire Hotpots?



What do you like watching, sitcom-wise?



Aw.



So do I. Though for me, the walks aren't too long but I love them all the same. We have some beautiful countryside in these islands.



Is it something you do at home? You must go through a few keyboards.



Oh?



Well, they're sort of 'real' in a way but they sort of aren't.



Perhaps he wrote to escape from real life? Just a thought/observation. Perhaps he felt he could be in his own world there and it was more comfortable for him, where he could create these characters.



They are like real life but in an unbelievable, exaggerated, unreal way. It's difficult for me to fully elucidate what I'm trying to say here. Perhaps I need to dig up some Google research on the subject - i.e. get someone else to do the talking for me.

Perhaps this helps? Think of them as a sort of "alternate 'reality'" if this makes sense? The book Soap Opera by Dorothy Hobson looks like an interesting read. I take it you've already read the book?

Are you a member of DS? I bet you are.



I agree with the second part of that.



Like I said, it sounds very much like a comfort blanket thing for you.



Got it.



Excellent. What kind of drama roles do you play? Anything in particular?



Understood.



Sounds great to me.

Talk to you soon.

Heya g malher, thanks for the welcome!

Hi Tequila,

THAT'S IT, post read. I'll answer later on during the week! Talk soon!