Wonder if I have Asperger's

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I like caving, but am not able to do any where I live. No caves here. That photo was taken at the Blanchard Springs Caverns in Arkansas, where I took the Wild Cave Tour, an private caving trip into non-public parts of the caverns. Claustrophobia was what I worried about before I went in, fear of heights was what really turned out to be the big one, though. Imagine hugging a wall, standing on a narrow ledge over a 200 foot drop in total darkness!

Hi Claudius,

Your story is in some ways similar to mine - only a few years' difference between our ages, and like you I only recently found out about AS...

Unlike you, I've never been married, although I like women and currently have a girlfriend.

One thing we have in common, I haven't been formally diagnosed either... In any case, they say autism and Asperger's constitute a spectrum, which shades into the neurotypical range... My opinion (as a non-specialist) is that if you and I don't have AS, we have something very like it, and I'm not sure how much the exact label matters...

One part of your initial message I thought was perhaps overly pessimistic, that was where you said you weren't sure you could develop or improve in the area of social skills.

Later in the same message you mentioned that you've learned by trial and error to avoid certain mistakes. You also mentioned that your third marriage is the happiest.

Surely all this suggests that your people skills actually have improved over the years. For a happy marriage says something about the people skills of both partners.

In saying this, I'm not at all arguing against the proposition that you have AS.

It is, I think, generally accepted that people with Asperger's can develop and improve their people skills, if they apply their powers of reason to their social difficulties...

Best wishes,
Quasimodo

Claudius, you are not alone in feeling the way that you do. Reading about what you experienced sounded like a page out of my own life. Did finding out about AS make you feel as though the pieces of the puzzel finally fit?

Welcome, and I look forward getting to know you better.

Z~

Quasimodo is right that we can develop social skills. When I was at High School I had a very miserable time, because I just couldn't relate to the other kids and did lots of things that might be considered "weird". Now 20+ years later, I reckon my social skills are considerably better, if not "natural". Generally I think I usually pass as NT now in most circumstances, though often get told that I'm too quiet or should join in more!

I think part of this is learning various survival techniques - I know the social situations that I can cope with and try to avoid the ones I can't. If there are ones that I can't avoid and my wife is with me, I forewarn her of what I won't deal with and she runs "interference" with people for me.

You don't realise that in caves heights would be a problem, but of course they must be. I can understand that could be quite nerve-wracking. There are lots of good caves in the UK - my brother-in-law is big on caving (in fact obsessively so!), so if you are ever in the UK drop me a note and I'll ask him to find out information on where there are good places people can go.

I'm replying to several posts, so bear with me.

Quasimodo,
I am aware that I am on the "mild" end of the spectrum, if I belong on it at all. It doesn't matter to me. Whatever it is, my life has been a very rocky road, and Asperger's is the best explanation so far.

Yes, my third marriage has been the happiest. My wife just took the Aspie quiz, here is her result:
Your Aspie score: 143 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 56 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
So maybe that explains why my third marriage is the happiest?

And yes, my "people skills" are improving, but it is like what Alan Watts says about "learning to be a genuine fake." It doesn't feel natural or right. I would rather be who I am.

ZannaBarnowl,
Yes, it feels as if the pieces of the puzzle have come together. That is why I said the "bells began ringing" when I found out what AS is. Previously I had thought I might be "mildly autistic" but dismissed it as I didn't think there were mild versions of autism. I thought I might be autistic because I often do not hear or notice when people are speaking to me and get blamed for not thinking that what they were saying was important, or ignoring them, etc. I was accused by many of being "in your own little world." So I though I might be autistic, but didn't think a mild form existed. So when I read about AS, and everything fit, it did feel like a competed puzzle.

Cernunnos,

Thanks for the caving invitation! If I am ever in the UK I might take you up on that!

Learning survival techniques is necessary and good, but I have my doubts if it will ever be natural. And there are limits to what mimicry can do.

I think it would be fun to explore caves!

Hi, Claudius,

I'm intruged that you mentioned Mensa. I did the same thing in my 20s with pretty much the same result. I was disappointed that most of the people, and the social dynamic of the group, was completely conventional.

I've gone back again recently with more success - perhaps partly because of what I've learnt in the intervening years, but also because I have different expectations at this point in my life. I don't really expect to encounter people "like myself".

"Intelligence" was the criteria used to explain everything that separated me from the mainstream, so it was quite puzzling, surprising and somewhat depressing when it proved to be another dead-end lead.

Anyway... it's incredibly validating to find someone with a similar experience.

Cheers!

yesterday i went to a specialist, although she says i don't have aspergers i'm not that at ease so to speak. here's my result:

"Thank you for filling out this questionnaire.

Your Aspie score: 105 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 58 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie"

my question is:
1) what are the possibilities that i do have it? or the test's accuracy?
2) are there levels of "aspieishness"?
3) what else should i do to rule out any possibilities?

the specialist did say she want to talk to my bro and mom.
what do you think?

From what I understand, autism is a spectrum of disorders, varying in severity. AS is on the mild side of the autistic spectrum, in that people with AS can "function" pretty well in the real world, and many go undiagnosed until adulthood or never at all because of their high level of functionality. I think it is reasonable to suppose that the same thing is true within AS itself, and you may be on the milder side of AS. I don't know how accurate the test is, but it certainly seems to ask a lot of the right questions, and so far I haven't seen any flame wars over the subject of the Aspie Test's reliability.

From the point of view of your specialist, he/she is undoubtedly looking at the official definition in which the word "severe" is used as a diagnostic criterion. In other words, unless you are somehow severely impaired by your state of mind, it isn't clinically significant, even if you might really be a mild case of AS, and suffer from it in your daily life. You may be flying under the radar, so to speak.

Or the specialist is a total self-centered screwup who couldn't diagnose AS if Asperger himself was in the room helping him/her along. Get a second opinion.

Another possibility is that you just haven't given your specialist enough information, either because you are holding back or just aren't being honest with yourself about something.

Yet another possibility is that you don't have AS. But who are you going to believe, the specialist who has to have an absolutely bullet-proof diagnosis in order to file an insurance claim, or the one who knows you best: yourself.

In the end, is it really important that you have a diagnosis? If you have AS, severely impaired or not, your life will be affected. It is hard to be a stranger in a strange land, surrounded by people who don't understand you and think you are weird. Since the NTs can easily sense your difference, you won't be seen as an equal. You will have a hard time if you are at the bottom of the social pecking-order. Even if you are successful in life, you will be seen as eccentric, absent-minded, antisocial, etc.

Knowing that you aren't alone is the best medicine. That, and planning for the coming takeover of the world by Aspies (oops, I shouldn't have said that!)

Last edited by Claudius on 22 Jan 2007, 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not too many caves that I know of in Minnesota (I'm from Duluth.) But yes, it is fun.

don't worry. i think most nt's won't know till it's too late.

Here's what I think. I have noticed that I think I want to have friends. I have noticed that I occasionally will meet someone who is friendly, or who I think might be a good friend. We even get together occasionally to do things. Pretty soon it becomes apparent that even though it seemed like a good idea, I am not that interested in the other person, or I don't want to deepen the friendship. I want to keep my privacy and my space to myself. I don't want someone intruding into my life, which is well-ordered, and messing it up. So for one reason or another, I usually prefer to have quiet time at home with my significant other than going out to be with friends.

Just having a high IQ does not make you and Aspie. Most of the people I met in Mensa were probably NT. It is not that much different than the mainstream except for intelligence. Also, I have a feeling that many people with AS have difficulty forming friendships for the same kind of reasons I do. A well-ordered life is comfortable and easier to manage than the hectic activities of friendship.

Remember to reproduce in large numbers. Survival of the fittest, after all!

all hail emperor claudius!! !

Hi,

>2) are there levels of "aspieishness"?

Yes, there are.

The autistic spectrum “ranges from the most profoundly physically and mentally ret*d person ... to the most able, highly intelligent person with social impairment in its subtlest form as his only disability. It overlaps with learning disabilities and shades into eccentric normality.”

That is a quote from Lorna Wing, the lady who introduced the concept of Asperger’s Syndrome to the English speaking world.
I found it at http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12 ... rs_pr.html

>what are the possibilities that i do have it? or the test's accuracy?

All I want to say about this, is that a human being, doing a face-to-face interview, can work in a way a computerized test can't.

>the specialist did say she want to talk to my bro and mom.
what do you think?

Even though your specialist doesn't think you have AS, she must think, or at least suspect, that there is some problem or issue here that she may be able to help with...

As I see it, your options are:

1. Let this specialist keep trying to help you in whatever way she can. Tell your mum and bro that the specialist would like a chat with them. If they say "no", tell the specialist what has happened, and ask her what is the next step.

or

2. Get a second opinion from another specialist.

or

3. If you feel you can get by without specialist help, stay away from specialists for a while, and see how things go...

I think many of us have had times in our lives when we needed a hand, or some advice, from a therapist of some sort, and other times when we didn't...

Hope this helps.

Quasimodo.

Last edited by Quasimodo on 23 Jan 2007, 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am like that too