Hi I'm new here

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And now, laurastheme, you're pushing me too far. I suspect you're off into the realms of "relationships", which I haven't a clue about. I think you'll find that even the Aspies here with partners don't quite know how that stuff works.

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Ah! But maybe there's a lesson that you haven't learned. I've tried to impress it on my NT friends, but I don't think it has sunk in with many of them yet.

When communicating with an Aspie, say what you mean.

Sounds trivial, but it isn't. Depending on taste(?) it's 80-90% non-verbal communication for NTs. All that stuff means nothing to me. I communicate 100% verbal.

I'm looking back through all your prior posts here, and I'm amazed at how every word you've said fits. Every time, you are describing non-verbal communication ("he tries to push me out of the door", "I am constantly walking on eggshells"), with, pretty much so, one single, isolated exception:

I'm new here too. Just joined today. liked what I've been reading and signed up. My wife and I, both in our latter 50's, are raising 2 special needs 10 yr olds. The boy has a dx af Asperger's. I would love to get into his head and know how his mind works. I never will. I am sure I am as puzzling to him as he is to me. His rages, outbursts, and rejections worry me the most. Am I at fault or is he in the wrong? It works both ways, he asks me "Why are you mad? I just__" I think the key is to let him know often that I love him and here to try to help him understand this strange and wonderful world we all live in. He is already convinced it would be terribly boring if we were all identical. Hang in there Lara, bear with his differences and be there for him [or her]. Time will convict or vindecare us all.

Yes, please listen to exactly what he's SAYING and then say exactly what you MEAN!! We aspies take things literally, and we get so frustrated when NTs expect us to "read their minds." Sorry, we haven't a clue as to how other people think!! I will give you an example of how literal we are: your initial posting was so dramatic and full of emotion that it shocked me! We usually are frightened by strong emotions (except anger, which we are well familiar with), and your emotional reactions to your relationship may well be frightening him! And I don't mean frighten in a typical "guy scared of commitment" way, I mean really rattling him! I myself can just hear panic or nervousness in another person's voice, and if I know the actual situation isn't really urgent (at least not to me), I just shut down! I don't know how to process such strong emotions coming from someone else, and he probably doesn't either. All I can say is don't second-guess what he says to you; take him at his word. And be completely blunt and direct with him!! Concentrate on saying what you THINK about the relationship, not what you FEEL, and maybe he'll be able to understand you better. Try it!!

Lau said when communicating with an
aspy say what you mean. VERY VERY TRUE!!

Thanks everyone. I may not have been in the Aspie game for long, but I learn FAST.

Curiously, maybe we have a message that NTs themselves might benefit from. We Aspies are out in the forefront using this marvelous, new, cerebral, evolved facility called "speech". We should try to get the old NTs to use it it bit more often, instead of relying on their dull, antiquated, limbic, atavistic fumbling called "wiggling-your-bits", which we can't be bothered with anymore.

You're welcome!

I'm sorry to be rude, but are you West or North?

You don't happen to be anywhere near Skipton? I'm going there with about 30 other people from my local. And we want a pint.

You're welcome!

Wow! I wonder about you!