female, just diagnosed at 42

Post Reply New Topic

I don't have an official diagnosis, but please, don't feel horrible about it. Read up a bit more about AS from AS authors, not Neurotypical authors. What you will find is that Neurotypical focus on what is "wrong" with those with AS, because we are different than Neurotypicals. But if you read a little, you will understand that they aren't all that and a bag of chips either lol

I just read this book "A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior" and I have to tell you, that everyday that I read books from the Autistic community or see shows such as "How to be a Grown-Up" in TruTV, I am more glad that I am NOT neurotypical. As a whole, their way of thinking is not all that great. I'd rather be odd and different than think like a neurotypical any day.

There's nothing wrong, per se, with having Asperger's. I have never been ashamed of myself because of my disorder/difference. As long as you treat people decently, from my viewpoint, you're at least okay!

I am of the opinion that every human being has something wrong with them. Honestly.

Thank you, whatamess and kraftiekortie. I appreciate your replies and reassurances.

I've been reading as much as I can find both online and off for awhile now, and I will continue to do so. I am the fifth person in my extended family diagnosd with ASD of some kind that I know of, and I suspect there may well be more of us. So I don't necessarily feel so very different or alone in this overall, but my day to day life certainly is affected by "how I am" (whether I now have names to put on my quirks or not doesn't change that I've been this way a long time and will probably not change too much in the future either, because I really don't want to as far as most things go, like being a more solitary person than average, for example - I actually like to spend a lot of time alone). I think the bad feelings come from reading someone else's opinions of me, and having them be a list of diagnosable "mental disorders", as far as they're all in the DSM and were diagnosed by a psychiatrist without needing to spend more than 4-5 hours with me. I don't mind being me but it's weird to read someone else's opinion of my interactions with the world, especially when their opinion is that I have a great many problems.

But to be honest I knew I did, and he did get all of it directly from me in some way, shape, or form.

I'm just raw right now in general due to other physical health issues I have, and family problems outside the scope of my posts thus far... so this was like the icing on the cake, so to speak.

I'm glad to know what's up with me, I just wish the other doctor I was referred to would get back to me. It's been over 2 weeks. I wanted to start some kind of therapy to help me deal with the social anxiety and depression at least.

Hang in there, LivingInParenthesis. Take care of yourself as much as the other considerations will allow. It *is* a shock to see it on paper ('cause that makes it Real) & don't be surprised to find yourself going through some mini version of the classic "seven stages of grief" for who you *thought* you were. Yeah, I know - *you* haven't actually changed at all. Still, your dreams and considerations for the future didn't include this and now rationally they must.

when emotions are too high, I go to music... will reply better later....

(this is where my screen name came from):

I hope for a speedy resolution of the other issues which you've mentioned.

Thank you kraftiekortie.

Hi there. Sorry you're having such a completely rubbish time. I am a 37 year old female, diagnosed earlier this year. I have a child and one on the way, also married. I have been up, down and all over the place since I was diagnosed. It's an awful lot to take in after four decades of struggling and wondering what's wrong with you. My initial reaction was one of relief and elation but then it got more complicated. I felt the same when my report came through, it made me feel like a right screw-ball! She did throw in quite a lot about my strong points, which helped but reading a breakdown of your life and all your failings is bound to depress you. That's their job, though, don't forget. You go for a diagnosis, you will get one! I've had other problems since with people not believing my diagnosis either which is why I decided to go down the counselling route. There's an organisation in the UK (where are you?) called Action for Asperger's who offer counselling sessions via Skype. I've had one so far and my husband and I are booked in for a couple's session. He's an NT so we have the communication issues, too. Anyway, so far, I can recommend that route. Maybe find a counsellor who is autism aware, now you have this insight into yourself. Perhaps it would be a good time to start making some sense of it and getting help to become more comfortable in your own skin. That's my plan, anyhow! I have also put my report away, now. I habe my diagnosis, it's all I needed to know. There are some really good books out there if you haven't read any yet. Rudy Simone is one of my favourite Asperger's authors. Please excuse the lack of paragraphs in this, am typing on my phone and can't work out how to put them in! Dur. Good luck to you and don't waste energy beating yourself up, go and enjoy being an 'awesome aspie'!

Ps I also have social anxiety disorder (hardly surprising after so long of struggling through life with an undiagnosed ASD), ADHD and dyspraxia features, hormone issues and bouts of clinical depression. Oh, and 'giftedness', whatever that is. I am actually starting to find it all quite funny. I work closely with people (I work in medicine) and I often think to myself that if every, single person out there were to put themselves through a gruelling diagnostic assessment with a shrink, not one person would come out without a label. All part of the beauty of being a 'human bean' (as an Australian friend of mine calls us). Chin up, as the 'NTs' would say...

Hi, Ellykeeling (feels like I should just say Elly but don't want to presume!), thanks for your replies this morning.. I got caught up in other things and didn't get to reply earlier.

I'm working on getting in with a counselor right now, one that was specifically chosen for me by the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, so I think that should hopefully be helpful. If I ever hear back from them...

I hadn't heard of Rudy Simone, thank you for the advice, I will look him up. No worries on the paragraphs - but here's an idea on the paragraphs - I don't have a smartphone so don't know if it will work, but usually if you're typing in a textarea someplace where hitting "enter" will submit it, the way to make paragraphs instead is to hold down the shift key WHILE you hit enter.

You may already know that, or like I said it might not work on a smartphone, but just thought I'd mention it. It's what I have to do on facebook to make paragraphs.

Thanks for the tip, will try that.

Yep, works.

Great that you are considering counselling, worth pursuing I reckon. At least now you have a diagnosis, you have something concrete to work with.

Rudy Simone is great, SHE is a woman in her forties with AS and has written quite a few good books. '22 things that a woman with Asperger's Syndrome wants her partner to know' is one of them.

Hope you're feeling a bit better. Be kind to yourself, it's always a good start.

Elly

Oops I forgot that Rudy was a gender-neutral name, and just assumed it was a man. Thanks for pointing that out! Glad the shift+enter trick worked for you.

AAARRRRRRGHHHH

The psychiatrist that the diagnosing psych referred me to doesn't take my insurance.

The next doctor he referred me to also doesn't take my insurance, and there is no mention of ASD, Autism, or Asperger's on her website at all. What IS on her website is a bunch of rambling about holistic approaches, existential crises, spirituality.... now this is fine and all but I. Need. A. Doctor. To. Fix. My. THYROID.. and no amount of freaking spiritual herbal mother earth crud is going to f'kin be able to just write the darn prescription for the freaking thyroid meds and whatnot.

For fk's sake!! !!

So then I went to post in my blog on another forum that's for health stuff where I've been posting for the better part of a year and I get a message that I've been banned because I"m a know it all????? WHAT THE %^*^%?! !! !! !??

So now I'm sitting here having paid over $500 cash out of pocket for this doctor to evaluate me and diagnose me and not do a freaking thing beyond writing me a list of crap that's wrong with me. HOW IS THIS HELPING ME. HOW. I NEEDED THAT MONEY. ALL I WANT IS THYROID MEDS.

oh my GOD. Now I need to order the medicine online from a questionable source and try to guess how much to take and hope it works or something because NOBODY will actually take care of me. I've used insurance, II've used cash, i've waited for referrals, I've seen doctors and nurses and residents and more doctors, I've had bloodwork, I've done eveyr single last thing that I can think of but the bottom line is I have freaking Hashimot's thyroiditis, my thyroid crapped ouot on me, I need meds and nobody will prescribe them. WHAT IS WRONG WITH DOCTORS THESE DAYS. EVEN FOR CASH THEY WILL NOT DO THEIR JOB.

I've HAD it. I am SO OVER this sh.t. Done. DONE.

Why do I even freaking bother to keep on trying, knowing everybody hates me and nobody will ever help me, not out of the goodness of their heart, not when being able to bill insurance obscene amounts of money to do so, not even when handed two fresh one-hundred-dollar bills.

Nobody will help me.

Ever.

Hi LivingInParentheses. Thank you for writing such an honest and sincere post which resonates wuite a bit with me.

I'm 38 years old and too scared to seek a diagnostic confirmation of what I strongly suspect, that I have ASD. I've been a loner really with no close friends and always the outsider. I've been married now for 8 years with 2 children. My husbands is as NT as could be possible and is a nightmare because he is constantly telling me that I'm not normal. I feel quite disheartened because maybe I am too idealistic and always thought that my husband and I complemented each other nicely. We both have very opposite areas of strengths and I thought that was an advantage as a couple. Maybe this is where I misread the situation completely I really don't know.

However I am pretty sure if I was ever diagnosed he still would not be at all understanding because all that will be happening is that a label for my perceived shortcomings will be put. If he was going to be understanding of me it should be with or without any label I feel. But I guess people don't always accept us fully for who we are. That should not be our problem but theirs.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience and views with you. I do have difficulty with knowing whether what I am saying may offend or upset anyone.

But your post has certainly made me feel less alone.

Ughhhh thank you Edentheil for your reply, and sorry it's taken me a couple of days to feel up to coming back in here to post...

My GP originally ran the thyroid bloodwork for me back in January because I asked him to. He has done just my TSH and T3 many times but they've always been within ranges, so this time I asked him specifically to run the anti-thyroid antibodies tests for Grave's disease and Hashimoto's. He did, and voila - the antibodies were there, bigtime. He said that he wanted me to go see an endocrinologist because he didn't feel comfortable treating for that when my TSH and T3 were still in range. He referred me to an endo in January- her soonest appointment was April.

I waited for 4.5 months and finally saw her.. sort of. They had a resident that day. He didn't ask me the right questions, he didnt listen to my answers, and a lot went left un-adddressed. She came in the room and I assumed she would begin the REAL exam, but she simply referred to what the resident had asked and then told me that until my period stops completely, she won't treat, and at that point she said they often will just surgically remove part of the thyroid and THEN start meds. I was shocked and very upset.

I did receive a patient satisfaction survey afterwards and filled it out very specifically, explaining how wrong this whole thing was. Also pointing out that when a patient has specified she wants a FEMALE doctor, you don't surprise her with a male resident. Particularly at an appointment you've waited 4.5 months for, and when it's the first time you even are MEETING a doctor to establish care.

Then I went back to my GP and threw a fit and he said he still doesn't feel comfortable medicating me himself. I told him fine, I'm taking the compounding pharmacist's advice and taking iodine drops then. He said don't, that could be dangerous. I said FINE THEN. A couple of months passed with me more and more angry. Finally I went back because of other issues, and mentioned wanting an assessment for asperger's. He referred me.

The guy didn't take insurance but I liked him so I paid out of pocket $175x3 for the assessment. During that assessment he determined that my thyroid issue being unmedicated very often leads to many symptoms of depression, anxiety, bad mood, lethargy, sensitivity to cold, etc etc which I have all of, and he also agreed with me that the BHRT I'm on being JUST a buttload of progesterone is NOT helpful, in fact they give it to men to chemically castrate them, so no wonder I'm an asexual b*tch the past year or more (if you don't know what BHRT is, think about the stuff Suzanne Somers sells/talks about/etc - it stands for bioidentical hormone replacement treatment, which I went on also for all the mood issues because depending on what doctor I talk to, that's what they suggest because I"m 42).

SO in the final assessment paperwork along with all the diagnoses he says he recommends thyroid testing AND treatment with thyroid meds to help rule out that as a cause for much of my mood disorder issues, plus said to either add estrogen to the progesterone or revisit that whole thing entirely.

So that's why the psychiatrist said at the end that he would try to refer me to a psychyatrist for ongoing treatment/therapy for my social skills issues and depression/anxiety, but he wanted it to be a doctor who can and will also prescribe thyroid and hormone medications for me so that he can better determine what of my mood issues are related to physical problems, hormone problems, and actual mood disorders/mental illness/asperger's.