31 year old burnout, very recently diagnosed with Aspergers

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SharkSandwich211, I have that exact book, it's pretty good In fact, it's why I indicated I wanted to try the mindfulness classes, since I think they can be helpful for me, after I did some minor experimentation a few years ago. The hardest part is keeping up the discipline of daily practice, and I find that formal classes work as a good motivator for me.

Jay, My mother tongue is Dutch, English is probably my big special interest. I picked it up as I was having fun, it never felt like learning. I just watched lots of TV and had a great time.

I've always felt I was different from others, but attributed that to taste. I totally respect that other people liked different things, but sometimes others still see me as a bit of a snob. I also sometimes got grief for not liking popular things. But now it all makes sense.

I'm really happy I got diagnosed, I've lowered the bar I set for myself. Some things are harder for me, and that's alright. I no longer feel like I'm bad at certain things because I'm not trying hard enough. Learning to recognize when I'm getting overstimulated has also been very helpful for me. Unemployment sucks financially, but on the plus side I do have plenty of time on my hands to take it slow and recover from overstimulation, before I go over the edge.

Are you looking for new employment? I might have some suggestions in the field of computer science.

Thanks, but I don't think I'll need any help; fortunately there's no shortage of job openings in my field. However, most of these job openings are not at workplaces suitable for me, or within a reasonable commute distance. I have a special bureau helping me find something suitable.

As I explained in the OP, I've already tried getting back to work, only to immediately burn out again. The work is never the problem, it's the colleagues and office that cause me stress.

This is interesting because I was able to hold down a full time job for a few years without any problems. Then a whole bunch of things changed and I wasn't able to handle it anymore. I can't say which was the biggest factor but there's been a bunch:

- Loss of long-term goals. I wanted to study more but I couldn't handle both a full-time university course w/ 3 hours of daily commuting and a part-time job.
- Promoted to managerial position and having to handle stubborn subordinates
- Commute went from 40 minutes a day to 2 hours 30 minutes. And it moved from bicycle to train. Lots of time lost, commute no longer doubles as exercise, staying a few minutes late now means I miss my train. I'd also hoped to just spend the time in the train reading or studying, but find this is impossible if there's someone on the phone in the train with me. Which is nearly all the time.
- Workplace as a whole turns toxic: Mistakes keep being repeated. Procedures and documentation are ignored. Subordinates constantly weasel themselves out of unpleasant tasks, meaning they are delayed for months until I finally perform them.
- I am often required to drop what I'm doing and spend a few days building new features to software which are then never used. I am constantly in a hurry yet achieve nothing useful. It's what management wants me to do.
- I can't get management to give me time to replace some outdated hardware. I keep warning them it will eventually break, and then we'll have to hurry to replace it, and it won't be at a convenient time. Somehow, every week, management finds something more urgent for me to do. The hardware eventually breaks and I have to hurry and put in overtime to get it replaced.
- Over the years, I see three colleagues leave with a burnout.

As is usual with burnouts, it's almost never from working too much.

Since I was able to keep a full-time job down for a few years, I still want to try doing this again. And if that doesn't work anymore, maybe I can try a completely different career.

I was diagnosed in 2010, when I was just about your age. I am on long-term leave from a job after killing myself at it (spent a lot of time actually wanting to kill myself); like yours, my work environment was toxic, and I don't plan to return from leave. Right now my focus is getting healthy. Sounds like you're on that track, too. All the best!

Wow that sounds pretty bad. I cannot imagine what that must've been like. Things were bad for me, but I never wanted to take my own life. Thank you for your kind words, hope things improve for you as well.