Hi. Not sure if I'm welcome or not (sorry if not)

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I sent you a pm ^ ^

Hi, superbluevegetable,

Your childhood sounds a lot like mine. I didn't start talking until about two and a half, and then it was suddenly in full sentences. Pretty much everything you've mentioned is relateable to me. I don't have an official diagnosis at the moment, but I'm working with a therapist who does believe my being on the spectrum is a real possibility. She's ruled out personality disorder, and while ADHD and sensory processing disorder are probable, they're frequently comorbid, so... working on it, I guess.

I think it's pretty much impossible for me not to be on the spectrum; nothing explains "me" quite as well as ASD! My friend has a son with autism, and I feel the strangest kinship with him. I just *understand* him in a way I don't understand most people. After meeting him and doing lots of research and talking to trusted individuals in my life, it seems very likely my suspicions are correct. That kind of analysis is enough for a lot of folks on the spectrum; I have a history of abuse and a lot of self doubt issues at times, so I think an official diagnosis would help me, but that's just me.

Reading things written by other Aspies has been especially helpful. I particularly like the blog "Musings of an Aspie." You might check that out if you haven't yet.

Also, yayyyyyy Final Fantasy fans! Now I *know* I've found "my people."

Hi aikitsune (love fox??)

I think (partially based on reading) that the problem with females on the spectrum is often that psychologists tend to focus too much on details like sensory processing, anxiety, ADHD etc. which are all very common “symptoms” for adults on the spectrum, especially if you live in a country where autism is a “boy thing”. A friend of mine lives in a country where it's still common believe that females are not capable of having any psychological or mental issue that is not related (and can't be cured by) sex. XD I think the problem with self-diagnosis is that I live in a culture where “the individual is always wrong and the professional is always right”. I had suspicions before but they were interpreted as “attention seeking” for the most. So it is sometimes hard not to internalize that attitude.

Personally I do have the opposite when I read from other “aspies”. It may sound silly, but somehow it threatens my sense of individual identity to read about how “typical” my experiences, habits or “symptoms” are. So I try not to overload myself with it. It tends to backfire a little. I also think that my “best friend” might be on the spectrum, but I'm not sure. He's much younger than me, and sometimes very hard to read, but there is something about him that reminds me so much about myself all those years ago. I can't express it well. Just “something”.

Sadly, I'm not a fan of the whole series! Mostly 9 and 12, though 9 was the main one during my childhood. : ) I saw some screenshots of the PC version on steam and I think about getting it again, even though I played it to death and own it in 2-3 different languages. xD

Greetings and happy Valentine's day

Yes, you're right about my name. I made it up years ago because I love foxes.

Yes, professionals tend to see all the little pieces of it. I think part of it is they're still not used to seeing moderate or higher functioning females on the spectrum and the way they may look a bit different from the stereotype they're holding onto. It's not that bad with females and psychological issues here, but females still seem to get accused of overreacting or malingering, etc. much more quickly than males do. And I grew up feeling like I was wrong about myself and everyone else was right--part of the brainwashing that went with my abuse--though I'm finally getting past that now, so I understand that feeling, for sure.

Everybody's different, so what may be helpful to me may not be to you. Basically you have to listen to yourself on this in the end, anyway. And yes, that "something." I know what you mean. There are no words for it, but there's a connectedness to that feeling that you don't have with other people, an understanding.

That's okay, haha! You don't have to like the whole series. I've never played 9 and haven't played 12 often. 10 and 4 are my go-to favorites.

Happy belated Valentine's Day.

Hi lovefox, thanks for your answer ^ ^

When I was in my teens I had a bit of an obsession with Japanese culture, so I learned a bit. Ironically, it was barely about anime, eventhough that's usually the association people have when I tell them (so I quit telling them). I don't really have anything in particular against anime, I'd just not consider it “my thing”, except for one or two series, like Evangelion.

And yeah, I think our experiences are quite similar. It annoys me a lot, because the way sexism still makes life miserable for so many people just feels so backwards to me. I guess that must be the “famous” aspie sense of justice. Haha. But in my defense, I wasted a glorious chunk of my life studying philosophy and literature. I often wonder if the issue doesn't work the other way as well, that boys sometimes get diagnosed too quickly, and if so, how does it effect their lives? It's an issue that I rarely ever see explored, but I remember one case I heard off where the diagnosis was changed at an age of 22 and all the welfare benefits were cut as a consequence, yet the guy had really poor education and manners, because everyone always pampered him as they thought he had Asperger's and he always behaved in that fashion because he thought that was the behaivor he was ultimately rewarded for. I don't remember more details, it's a faint little memory that just popped up now. It doesn't even have colour.

And yes, you're right. I think whether you have ASD or not, it's still your task to make the best of your situation. It's not like life is magically supereasy for everyone else, is it? Everyone has their shortcomings and their own unique way to be a pain in the butt to themselves and other people, too. I'm sorry if I'm rambling a bit, it's still very early here in good old Europe, and my coffee is absolute garbage!

I think you “should” play 9 if you find the time to. It looks very colourful and childlike, but the story actually has some really deep points, and they put a lot of effort in giving the characters backstory, motivation and growth. I especially liked the antagonists which were my biggest issue in most of the other games. Like I didn't like Seymour from 10 because I just didn't get any of his motivation. He just seemed the evil-for-evil's-sake-kind-of-evil. I couldn't really get into 4 because whenever a character started to grow on me, they died or disappeared for some other reason. I think from the older ones I liked 2 and 5. I know 5 is probably one of the weaker ones but I really loved Faris as a character and since the dialogue was rather short and generic most of the time, I just made up my own conversations between the party members while on their quest. ^ ^

Anyway, thank you. I think Valentine's is the best day of the year and should replace Christmas, because love is awesome and birth in a dark cold room full of animal excrements is disgusting, even if it's Jesus .

Greetings!

Haha, yeah, I've been obsessed with Japan for a long time, but I never really focused on anime, either. I've had a few series I liked, but I was always more into the culture and language and whatnot.

Sexism just doesn't make sense, and if something doesn't make sense to me, it strikes me as wrong. And if it also stifles people as a consequence of its existence? Yeah, that's just stupid. I remember conversations in an American Government class I had as a freshman. There were guys saying that women were unfit for combat. Their logic relied on things like "they can't lift heavy things" or "they can't go long without a shower or worrying about their hygiene." I told them that I, a rather small female, could lift a forty pound bag of dog food without much trouble, and that was without any purposeful physical training. With training, I said, many women would be perfectly capable. And the shower thing? Wow. These people know what they're signing up for. They know it's not glamorous, and if lives are on the line, they're not going to be busy fretting over the the fact that they smell. Their logic was broken, and I know those were only justifications for the fact that they simply didn't like the idea that maybe some females could do these things as well or better than they. Males are, on the whole, stronger than females, yes, but there is more to this than physical strength. Psychological strength plays a large role, as well, and there are, inevitably, some females who will be more suited for these things than some males. It's such an ego game for those kinds of people.

Yes, boys definitely get diagnosed with issues like autism and ADHD much more quickly, and then all their behavior is explained away by it. Parents and others suddenly don't know how much is too much to ask or how much control the individual has. These things should be decided based on the individual and his or her needs, not the label alone. But suddenly parents are calling tantrums "meltdowns," and making no attempt to decide whether these things are due to ASD or are just behavior issues. And I see parents--with the best of intentions--underestimating these kids. My friend's son--the one with autism--is very smart, for example, passing academic tests 100% and so on. He has self-care issues and other things that keep him from looking like an average nine year old, for sure. But he is fully capable of doing things like throwing a fit to get what he wants. I've seen it in action, and you know it's a fit and not a meltdown because it ends when he gets what he wants. I've also seen his meltdown, and it does not end that way. It's different, and it no longer has anything to do with the environment. I know his mom can see the difference, but she has two other kids, college, and work to deal with as well, and it's got to be hard to separate these things out when you're in the middle of it every day.

That story about the guy whose diagnosis changed at 22... that's rather sad. It doesn't seem fair they left him without benefits when he didn't have the skills to provide for himself at the time. Even if it was a misdiagnosis, he felt the effects of it, and the people around him treated him accordingly. I doubt more severe ASD is misdiagnosed often, but the moderate to high functioning ASD could be. Usually it seems to be diagnosed as something else when it is ASD, but with the higher functioning end of the spectrum, I could see potential mistakes with boys and young men. "Bad manners" =/= "lack of social understanding." Lack of social understanding can produce stilted manners, or bad manners where manners aren't taught, but it's going to look different when that's the cause.

Yes, that's definitely true, but it helps to have understanding of yourself as you are so you can figure out what is and isn't likely to become any easier. Haha, you're not rambling, trust me. And you'd have no reason to apologize if you were, anyway.

I think I disliked the art style of 9 and that's why I stayed away from it, but I will definitely give it a try someday. Yeah... Seymour was just a jerk for no apparent reason, but honestly, there are some people like that out there. He didn't bother me too much in the lack of motivation regard, because I was honestly more interested in the socio-political type stuff going on. Al Bhed discrimination, the ingrained dislike of machina, the idea of the pilgrimage, Sin as a personified monster, etc. Like the truly "bad" things there were far removed from antagonists, you know? And I loved the characters. Some of them weren't given as much depth, but I enjoyed imagining where they'd come from, etc. Did you get to the end of 4? You have access to pretty much everyone by the end and can choose as you like. I hated characters disappearing, too, but the story is worth it, IMO. I haven't played 5 yet. I'm playing 6 on my GBA now, and I have 5 for GBA as well. Will probably play it when I'm done with 6.

Haha! I don't necessarily care for Valentine's Day, but a lot of the imagery surrounding Christmas is admittedly kind of dark, for sure. I still like Christmas time, though. It seems warm.

I'm amazed how you can even call some of that logic! I only have vague memories of ever having this specific debate. I remember when I was young, it became optional for females to join the army, but my initial reaction was “why is it still the default for men to go go up to the army unless they provide a valid reason not to?” (which was the case back then). It felt stupid. There was no war going on, and why should many men “waste” a year of their life just because of tradition? If you think about it from this side, it seems just as ridiculous. “You need to go to the army because you can go longer without showering”? I once did a presentation on the gay marriage and adoption issue when I was 17 or 18, and I remember a long discussion with arguments that “men can't be motherly/women can't be fatherly and a child needs both, otherwise it's abuse”. I think that was one of the many points where I felt that I didn't belong into my generation, because I simply didn't get the argument how per default a woman has to love childbirth and nurture, and men have to love being strict with their children, that women were supposed to become cooking machines and soap opera watching potatoes and men were the ones to actually do something exciting with their kids, because they are physically strong enough to carry and swing them around much longer. And stupid stuff. I know my own mother also loved the stereotype and really hated it when I refused to play with dolls and the like. But I don't want to bore you with a whole rant about how I think gender biases ruined my childhood. I also had to drop out of my first study, when I figured that the head of the department would never give a serious job (aka something better than secretary) to a female because he considered them unreliable since once their “biological drives” set in, they would just be baby machines with a degree, having wasted his time and the chance for a serious person to do something with their lives. (he was very drunk when he blurred that xD).

I think that there is still a lot going wrong in the way that modern cultures handle “neurodiversity”, but we should be happy that they make an effort at all. It could be much worse, and raising a kid is difficult whether it's NT, ASD or something else. Personally I don't really understand why people want to have a lot of kids and a successful highly paid job and a house and a dog, because I consider it “setting yourself up for disappointment”, but maybe that is just a reflection of my own limitations and my own suboptimal relationship with my parents. I think a lot of parents, especially single parents, end up living a life alienated from their kids, especially if they don't “see themselves in them”, and they end up blindly following professional advice rather than communicating with their children, because they just lack the time. It's not like human children are all helpless puppies that can't overcome their instincts. But you really need resources (time, education, etc) to find a proper balance between “too little effort” and “too much pressure”, and most people just don't have access to them because in many modern systems, you are either born rich or screwed by unfair distribution of those resources, and all the lack of access translates to your children. It's sad. Sometimes I bath a little in conspiracy theories about how modern capitalist societies are just exploiting and mentally abusive, and how for the majority of people it's nearly impossible to live out even half of their potential.

I think I couldn't connect to FF10 because it just felt too simple and too black and white. The things you mentioned, I considered them the potential of the game, and they could have made a way more interesting experience out of it, if they had more gradient development and/or more dialogue about it. But it felt like in the end that “religion is all corrupted and bad” or “al bedh are all good”, and everything that shows otherwise was just a misunderstanding based on prejudice or manipulation. I just didn't like that, it felt kind of hollow in the end. Maybe after 8 and 9 my expectations were just too high, though. I think the only character I liked was Kimari because he knew when to shut up and Rikku because I felt like she had some sort of growth, learning to accept her cousin's choices.
I got to the point in 4 where they (almost) all came back with these really short explanations on how. I hated it, though, and I think that was about the part when I truly lost interest. I think that if you already write a story that includes the torment of losing everyone dear to you, then you should stick with it to make it meaningful losses.
I think 6 is the only one I didn't play past the first 2-4 hours. I know people become fanatic over either 6 or 7 but honestly, they just didn't intrigue me that much. 6 reminded me too much of 2, just with a more steampunky setting, and I just couldn't connect to any of the characters, and Kefka seemed another case of “bad for the sake of it”. I think that's another case of a game I might have really enjoyed if it was my generation and I hadn't played any more modern games before. By the time I tried I was also really tired of the ATB mechanics and the grinding system, which really didn't help.

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