I just learned I'm Aspie and I can't stop crying.

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thank you sos.


sigh

I told some people today, someone in particular I knew would be unsupportive and question the authenticity of it, and minimize my pain.
It felt good to get it out of the way.
To endure the worst that could happen now, and still be okay.

Like you, I wish I'd known sooner, but kids weren't diagnosed with this in the '70s so I was just "weird." Knowing who I was and why would have given me a lot more confidence and direction in my life. I'm just glad that my son who's AS won't have to go through that. He knows why he's different and is fine with that.

But please stop wishing you were a "real human." You're as real as anybody, just different. Like a lot of us.

I don't like fizzy drinks either.

I am glad you're feeling a bit more at peace now.

I was diagnosed at 45 and it explained so much of what went before. All made sense then.

Growing up in a small town and having no frames of reference was tough! Somehow I managed - now my task is to help others and use my story as inspiration to them.

I'm also gay so it was difficult for me to come to terms with that also and make peace with it. Fitting in a group has never been easy for me.

Enjoy our planet! There are climates to suite everyone here and I'm sure you will benefit from the many forums and getting to know some of our fantastic members.

I almost cried an hour after being diagnosed, I went into a patch of trees and wandered a long time. I often feel a deep sense of mourning for all I have had to wade through and all I will have to continue wading through with the shadow of autism affecting me, it is a heavy weight to bear but we are all capable and viable, we have carried ourselves this far and when we learn of our condition we begin a steeper learning curve and hopefully adapt accordingly with the wisdom that the discovery process has ingrained within us, time and persistence and compassionate support seem to be the ingredients to let brew in the pot.

I also had a childhood full of shame and guilt, to the point where I was depressed. I thought I had PTSD from it, before I learned the specifics of what PTSD actually was.

But you might ACTUALLY have PTSD; you had some real close calls.

I feel guilt and shame about my autism still sometimes but am getting over it like you did.

And like DancingCorpse says, we are all capable and viable. I'd like to add that we don't have more problems than most, we just have different problems. People think we're so much less blessed than them and that we're different in THAT way but we're not. We're just differently blessed.

I felt exactly the same way you described. There is a grieving process. Unfortunately, some people take longer to grieve than is convenient. I still haven't recovered. There were so many missed opportunities. And it all makes perfect sense now, but that doesn't make it feel any better, and it doesn't bring back lost opportunities. I feel cheated.

The problem really isn't that we have autism. The problem is that others don't. Difference is the problem, and non-autistics are just as different to us as we are to them. It's just because they are the majority that they get to control expectations. The world expects us to be super careful not to hurt their precious feelings or disrupt their precious social structure. However, they would never consider doing similar for us. They don't accommodate us. They don't consider our feelings when they behave the way they do toward us. Then they blame it all on us. They see nothing wrong with insulting us because we behave differently or walk differently or eat differently, but we are seen as the bad guy if we do the same to them- because they are the majority. Don't feel like you are less than a person. You're setting your standard for humanity based on the majority. Just hang out here with us normal people who are like you. We appreciate you, and we don't think there's anything wrong with you just because you're different than the weirdo majority. And if you have to grieve for a year to accept the fact that you've lost years of opportunity and been victimized your whole life by horrible people, then grieve for a year. We'll be here cheering you on. I wish you peace.