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Psycho clog girl, watch what Juliette says, seriously, just be careful with this aussie twat.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better today. Aquafelix, thank you for that video, it gave me a lot to think about finding the right balance.

I went to see an old friend on Friday, but I got myself so wound up and anxious about it; there were a few other stressful factors involved, such as needing new car tyres. I actually screamed that morning, which is something I haven't done for a long time.

But the meeting went really well, I was so happy to see her and maybe seemed a little overenthusiastic for most because I couldn't stop smiling ... I hope she found it endearing. It turns out her sister has aspergers and she has dyspraxia, and I just felt really connected and natural with her and it was just lovely.

I feel a million miles away from how I felt when I was posting here before. I tend to go to polar opposites with my feelings; does anyone else notice that as an aspie? I was once diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but that was a misdiagnosis before I found out I have aspergers.

The closest I've got to wearing clogs was a pair of white leather mule/clog things, when I was about 8. I don't know if that counts. I have not ever worn wooden clogs. But I must admit to feeling a little confused about the clog thing.

I certainly have found myself recently in a situation which seem like another world to how I was a few days ago, as it has been like a seesaw where I was on a slippery slope downwards and now things have tipped the positive way. For the first time ever, I opened up to someone official who said they can help. They were so relaxed and lovely to talk to and they understood what I was describing... It makes such a HUGE, HUGE difference to me. Finding someone to understands so I was able to open up has been a massive hurdle which has been jumped. I feel that from here on that everything will be ok. It is an immense feeling. It is like "Don't worry. I've got you covered" sort of feeling. I have been that to other people in the past, but oh BOY! Have I needed it as lately I have been in such a fragile state.

So yes, even though your experience is different. (I will read what you wrote again to understand what you said as I have latched onto the "I feel a million miles from how I felt when I was posting here before" bit, as for me, how big a single moment can be is huge.
I am not exactly sure how things can pan out from here, but what I do know is whatever they are, they are positive, and that makes such a BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG difference.

I'm glad you found the video helpful. I can't talk for anyone else, but normal for me is my emotions being all over the place like tropical weather. One moment I feel confident and like I can handle things, an hour later I feel like a helpless child. I was previously diagnosed with bipolar too. I'm usually horrid until about midday and then I start to perk up, but then I'm wired and hyper by bedtime and then find it hard to sleep.

That's quite a video. I have always been the fully masked person who seems to fit in for a while (Apart from little clues which people just think it is my character) and then after a while I have an event where the masking is discovered or fails, and I go to the other extreme and totally withdraw and seperate. I have had this cycle ever since I can remember apart from my very early child years when I started out as a very withdrawn person and just spent hours and hours in school playtimes standing on my own and watching everyone, and in lessons at the age of 4, I tried not to be included with anyone, but fortunately for me at age 5 a school teacher and my Mum had a disaagreement and I got locked in a room on my own (Later she didn't lock the room) where I had to sit there and do nothing, and this happened for nearly the entire year, so it wasn't until the next class with the next teacher who realized I was inrelligent, and she brought me on, and I started to try to fit in, which meant masking.

Finding the right place where I am myself without masking, I have only managed with my family and one or two close friends. I have only managed this with two friends where I can mask and remove a few masks and they either don't notice or don't mind.... Is only the one friend who I believe may mask himself, where I can be myself, but he does get on with people really well, but has other issues... So I think he may relate to me better, even though he is different. I subconciously take masks on and off as we meet others if I am with him.
Now this is why I find it soo difficult to make any close friends. Only friends who on a subconcious level accept this putting on and removing masks can get close enough to me. Somehow, with elderly people, I can be myself more. The problem I have is as I am now middle aged, elderly people are getting less and less.
I get issues in groups of people where some may know thw unmasked me ad others only know the masked me... And I go all quiet so I don't have to reveal myself too much if that makes sense. I am very much on edge! I try to avoid those enviroments.

Writing this now I can see something that now makes sense. Though I have only done this to a group a few times in my life, the times when I am incharge and preaching to a group of people all goes very well even though I am very much an introverted withdrawn character. I put on an "Official" mask. However, when I go back to sit down I can't really talk to anyone as I take the mask off when I leave the stage and I am suddenly shy and withdrawn. And another thing is that I can't act on stage. I just can't. I can't act and mask at the same time. Somehow masking and acting are different. Don't ask me how, but I can't act. Some have mentioned rollplay. The thought of rollplay makes me say "No". (My ex girlfriends son was attending rollplay classes? I never saw them, but asked what they were. My ex girlfriend said it was acting). I can't act. I feel vunerable. I drop my masks to act and I expose myself. I just can't! No!

I've not posted on the thread before, but it's nice to meet you, and I'm glad to hear you're feeling better now.
If I've got a lot to do like you did on Friday, I make lists- I split things down into smaller steps. It might help if you haven't tried it.

That video was a revelation when I first saw it. I read somewhere that "masking" is about hiding your aspie habits, whilst "compensation" was more about doing things that make interaction with people better. I guess acting can be both.

I'm all over the place too, although in the last couple of weeks I'm noticing an increase in anxiety levels; especially social anxiety. I don't know whether to wait and see if it settles down or see my doctor. I'm often wired at bedtime too. I don't ever really feel confident though, the best I can do is 'just about managing'.

Hi there!!

Well may be pleased to know that it is I, lol, who takes the crown for long posts as I am a successful over talker either online or in the real world haha..I'm sure I take the cake haha

Wanted to say Hi.

I was diagnosed with aspergers (its just ASD now I believe) and adult adhd in JAN this year..great, I thought cynically to myself..final year of law school..4 years of crying in the toilets from social anxiety, chatty lecture theatre falling suddenly quiet in a disturb horror movie scene type way as i answer a question...i look around the room and see staring faces at me..i was right but its not popular to advocate for the murderer..alleged!! !..they have to prove it..and the evidence was inadmissable in my opinon haha..anyway..see i over talk and its...weird. .aaahh well, anyway

I have decided to embrace it..that doesn't change anything lol but I hope it does...it can be a little hard to introduce yourself and I wanted to say hi and acknowledge that. Hope you have heaps of fun on here and meet heaps new friends.

))