Sidecarsmom wrote:
Thank you for the perspective. You painted the exact picture of our relationship with you second scenario. I am so excited to have something concrete that explains our life that I am itching to share...but as your scar illustrates, he might not appreciate this nearly as much as I do. and yes, he will "pout" for a full week...shutting me even further out and telling me everything is "fine" (insert image of teenager rolling eyes and enunicating FIIINE).
That is probably a good approach to take. You might read up on Aspergers. There are several books written on the subject and even a number of YouTube videos on the subject. These can give you some valuable insight and perspective on the condition. But at 72! He is one year older than I and probably fairly set in his ways. Also there are some traits that Aspies possess that are valuable:
Positive Aspie Traits* They are usually loyal and dependable. Competing to get ahead is less important than solving problems and meeting challenges. Conscientiousness, faithfulness and devotion to duty matter more than ambition, especially if that ambition would cause others to suffer.
* Adults with Aspergers pursue ideas they believe in without being deterred by what others say. They are not easily swayed by others’ opinions, nor do they give up because someone tries to convince them otherwise.
* They are good at recognizing patterns and in classifying things. They are comfortable with order, precision and categorization, which make them successful in following rules, allocating resources and solving problems.
* They tend to be sincere, positive and genuine, which make them loyal and dependable friends.
* Speaking their minds regardless of the social context is true of many adults with Aspergers. They are much more interested in someone’s skills and expertise than whether that person is viewed favorably by others.
* Adults with Aspergers are especially good at noting and recalling details. They are helpful at work that requires knowledge of facts, details, and memory. They are often exceptional at the recall of details forgotten or disregarded by others. They have a passion for gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest.
* An acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, including touch, vision, and smell is common and having such unusual sensory experiences gives them a different perspective on the world.
* Adults with Aspergers tend to be trusting of others, even charmingly naïve. They are compassionate and caring, and many maintain the belief in the possibility of positive relationships.
* They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest. Many have a strong sense of social justice.
* Because they don’t mind being alone, they are often willing to engage in solitary work that others avoid, which puts them in the position of making tremendous contributions at work and school.
* They are able to comprehend multiple levels of meanings of words and ideas and can form connections that others miss.
* They are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise they can usually be trusted to follow through.
* A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
* They are not inclined to be bullies, con artists or social manipulators.
* “Most of the major advances in science and the arts have been made by people with Asperger’s”
One last comment. Asperger's syndrome is primarily genetic. So there is a chance that your children/grandchildren may also have the condition. So if you see signs that they may also possess these traits, this knowledge might give you insight to help them with tools, techniques to help them on their journey through life.
As an example, some of my grandchildren possess some of the traits. I bought them noise canceling headsets and weighted blankets which they dearly love.
Uhoh! Looking at that list, uhmmm. Well. Many of those aspects are me. Except that I do struggle to finish things. I am a great starter though. I often start many projects. I reach a certain point and I am so absorbed with new projects that I often leave other projects unfinished.
But what best to do with the origional reason to write this thread is that I honestly don't know. Is there a say of leaving information about autism around so he can "Discover" it so it is his "Idea" rather then yours?
05 Dec 2019, 2:49 pm
. In total agreeance with magz. If you want to be treated as you describe, you can certainly have that with an AS man, but your possibly AS husband, is highly unlikely to be THAT man. He sounds like an overgrown child. I couldn't tolerate it(I'm an AS female). If you love him, want to remain with him, then boundaries are essential. Changes need to be made, but this is made much more challenging by his already well-entrenched behaviours, which have been accommodated throughout your time together. Sincerely wish you well. You sound very well-intentioned and caring, but have been walked all over, for way too long.xx
