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If I look back to my life a few years ago and now, I would never have guessed I would be typing on an autism site.
Also, while being on this site and a few weeks before, I made major discoveries about myself that I never knew had anything to do with the autism spectrum. It just never crossed my mind at all. I believe this is because the concepts I had in my mind were very much limited and warped into what autism is, and also, years of trying all ways to fit in and be "Normal" (That is the term others used when I was told "Why can't you be normal like everyone else?" which I found hurtful as I was trying my hardest at it and failing and I was thinking about everyone else "Why can't you accept me as I am? Why is it always me who has to change? Why can't everyone else change to be more like me?")
You have probably had a life similar to mine in this regards... Where no matter what one does or how hard one tries, one is always on the outside looking in rather then on the inside looking out.


About a decade or more ago, I reached the point where I thought to myself (Said to myself without speaking) "Stuff this. I have spent my whole life trying to be like everyone else to fit in. Why should it be me who has to change. I am going to be me", but I had spent so many years of masking from the age of an early child onwards that I just did not know who the real me was, except when in public without masking I was a very quiet and withdrawn person who avoided personal contact and avoided talking to people (Even though I wanted to and I was crying out to). The wanting to talk and be part of life has left me in many respects. It is like I can't be bothered? It is like I gave up trying?
So finding out about autism hit me from many directions and from many different levels. It not only provided all the answers I had been looking for, but it gave me a reason to be me, and something which I have had a lifetime of craving for... It allowed me to talk to others who understand me and share similar experiences. I am no longer on my own in this world! There are others like me!

And do you know what I have realized? Is that the few people I have found in life that I can connect well with have so many traits that I am sure they are on the spectrum?
I very rarely find friends who understand me, and I am proud to say that all the people I have ever had as a friend in my life who I can connect with (Which are very rare people to find) are people who others think are "Odd"....
It is strange. The people I tried to fit in with but never could would say of these 'Odd people' "Keep away from him" or "Keep away from her" because they acted wierdly or differently. Yet I found the very ones they would not want to be with were the ones I could talk to and I could never work out why.
Well, now I have the answers.

The next step for me is to be assessed, and if I am found to be on the spectrum it is that final jigsaw piece of life confirmed and put into place... So I can see the picture and move on with my life in whatever direction it takes me.
If I am found not to be on the spectrum it is like ripping my entire lifes jigsaw apart again and I won't know where I am or what direction to go as I will be completely lost and back to where I was in feeling completely alone and alienated... I would honestly not see why I should struggle to live and I would need to withdraw.

Life is wierd like that.

Welcome back

Though, I don't recall you; regardless, welcome back to Wrong Planet..

Welcome back! I remember you from when I joined.
You had the best post in the "replace a word in a song title with bacon" thread I had read the whole thing to see if anyone did it.

your sincerely welcome, mind you I started out here on Wrong Planet under the username Professor X; however, due to not being able to recall my password for said username at said time, I simply chose to create this username instead. Anyways, I shall try to drop by often as I can