The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Okay, as long as my mouth runneth over today, I might as well tell you that I had my first experience being trolled yesterday. All I can say about that is "I pity the poor proctologist."

Have I provided enough graphic images to hold you over til lunch time, or tea time, or siesta?

woah. putrid despair? poisonous mushrooms? cheap, but slow, beer and underage barmaids? crickets? godwits? proctologists??

oh my, oh my. and a happy, cheerful goodmorningtoyou, too.

mushrooms. the ones that grow on cowpies. when you break the little stem, there's this purple ring in it. those are saleable. they dry well, but it's best to use an actual food dehydrator to do it, or in the oven on very low temps, as the fungus will get to be a slimey mess if they don't dry quickly enough. the dogs usually aren't trained to find those, profit isn't as high but it's a safer transaction.

dreams.

the tower is still there. and it's a heck of a lot cooler in the tower than where i live! the stone is thick, and old. there are places at what must have been the doorway where it's been worn smooth by people touching it as they've passed by. what's interesting to me is the scent of the place - there's meadow, and tree, and wildflower scents, but, aside from lumping them into a generic "grassy meadow with trees nearby" scent, i can't identify the flowers. usually i'm pretty good at that. i mean, each place has its own sort of scent signature. this one does, too, but i can't say what they are. even the trees aren't ones i know. although i know them from this place. if that makes sense. what the hell, it's a dream - they don't have to make sense!

raised a few eyebrows on the staff at the plant nursery (even on those staff who only had two) a few weeks ago, going into the place and snorting at all their flowers. was trying to find the scents, couldn't.

cc, hon, maybe you better not revisit charlie chan? those movies were pretty bad, really.... trolled?

Last edited by Nan on 05 Sep 2007, 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nan Wrote:

I could use a cool tower right about now. Wouldn't want to trade would you?

not if it means i get stuck with nuns and my hair falls out, noooo! i already did the nuns thing for too many years. not getting into their clutches again, nonononono!

besides, the people there probably won't like it if you boot them out of my dream. but i would imagine they'd like visitors. i don't think many people who don't "live" there go there. it seems like it's a really quiet kinda place.

we have, believe it or not, fog in off the ocean this morning. it made it all the way inland to where we live (about 20 miles from the coast). i've been wearing the lightest-weight summer dresses i own to go to work in, and this morning i was actually feeling a bit chilled as i left the house. that was soooooooooooooo nice! hope it lasts, though i know it won't. but it's here now, so WOOOOO!

I know that there is something about teeth falling out in dreams(rotting teeth,loose wobbly teeth,missing teeth),but I cant reemmber what it is supposed to signify...something important.I dont recall reading about what the hair losing thing is supposed to mean...usual hair is a sign of power/health/strength in our mythology.....Samson?having his hair stolen...the princess locked in a tower letting her hair down to escape,which never made any sense to me...if the guy climbs it then it would just be two people trapped in a tower??? ),something in the Bible about a womens hair being her...."crowning glory".

I do recall many dreams like this when I wa a kid.I recall them clearly because they were so disturbing.It wasnt that I was losing my hair in the dreams,it was that I would feel myself in bed and touch my hair and "feel" that it was like sparse straw and coming out in clumps.Then I would return to the dream state feeling trying to find the cause of the hair loss.It always felt like I had been in a fire and had parts of my burned away,left with dry wispy chunks and embarassed about being seen like that after I woke up and having to go to school like that.(This was during the Farrah Faucet curling iron days...so my hair probably was dry and burnt a little )I also theorized that it was part of a past life memory of being burned at the stake...I was always facinated with witchs(felt connected to them since grade school)as well as reincarnation theory in my teens.

Anywhoooo,if you find out what it means...let me know.Seems to be connected with social anxiety and fear about being "ugly" in others eyes,for me as well as the fear of the ..."what is causing this/unknown".


I'm glad you have returned to the computer.I wouldnt dismiss being "possessed" by the computer.Beofre I had one,I actually lived in a 3D world and made stuff and cleaned my apt and cooked a little.I do see this as just another "phase" of my perpetual evolution(but a wee ameoba right now).Everything teaches something if you care to learn...tiss my pompous theory,anyway.


Interesting that you bring up the ......realizing you were nieve,only after the fact.I still am shocked and embarassed about different "past lives",I have had in younger models of this body.A few incriminations and a few...."WTF was I thinking".I cant dwell on the embarassment or I would be paralysed into doing nothing just to avoid embarassing my future self.

I have always been confused about this aspect of myself and wonder if it isnt related to AS>Although I do have self-doubts,think I am ugly,wonder if I am mildly ret*d,am often confused by my own actions and choices,can see many of my faults....there has always been a part of me that has "unconditional love" for me.I grew up in a very hostile house full of people who disliked me,my life has been cluttered by people who disliked me....but somehow I hold ont a sense of self exceptance.This seems to defy a lot of the psychological theorys that I was force feed in school.I was always looking for the piece of the pussle that explained this "self-exceptance" inspite of an environment that told me I wasnt worth much.Where did it come from?


I think AS may hold a clue,but I havent worked out the details of a theory about that.It could also be what they call the "grace of God/holy spirit",which is defined as LOVE.I abandoned orginized religion at 15 but it was an obsession for me prior to that.I liked Jesus, the symbol of LOVE.Perhaps all those years emersed in reading about his love was a little like having a loving parent that counter-balanced my less excepting ones?Any thoughts on this?

Acceptance.

Interesting. Does it go a little like this.

We spend our lives genuinely thinking about every tiny thing that happens inside or outside ourselves. Somewhere along the line, we decide that we don't seem to be quite the same as everyone else. This isn't a very nice bit of information, in some ways, but we can't see any way around it, so, having decided that suicide is a pretty pointless option, we decide to just live with/around it.

We, here in the café, come around rather late in life to the discovery of AS. All the "light bulb" moments. All the finding WP. None of it matters. What does matter is that we can now choose where we go next. The adventure that started when we were born, but got tedious recently, has started up again.

I have no idea where I'm going. Suddenly, life excites me again.

And now I'm off, en route to my monthly "Aspergers Group" meeting. Back in a few hours. Don't wreck the place, again, while I'm gone.

That makes sense Lau(the only thing that doesnt ,is sense coming from your direction ...I kid,I kid...I believe much sense is hidden amongst your humorous nuggets).

Amazing that someone who enjoys humor as much as I,can be so void of ability to express it(a lot like my dyslexia in-spite of being a varocious reader).

I would like to see more adults exposed to the idea that their "uniqueness" maybe a direct result of brain wiring and not being possesed by satan,mentaly ill or just "bad".My stumbeling on AS was accedental and has gone a long way towards improving my aslf exceptance.I have a very bad feeling that there are currently many aspies trapped in useless talk therepies,psychwards,jails,AA meetings....who would be well served by learning that they are really AS.I hope we can get a more positive spin on ASers,so that they dont hear the word and automatically assume it means "they are "selfish pricks" in need of a cure(to become NT pricks,the more exceptable version of prick).All the negative "public disservice announcements..ie...superficial talk show clap-trap,would make most people want to distance themselves from our little community of "freaks".I hope we can eventually counter-balance the curbie message by letting them know that "freaks" no longer bite the heads off chickens.....we eat McNuggets with a relish(sometimes with a side of reslish<see,more attempts at humor,I do suck).

And further more...hurumph and blather,blather,blather....(it's the hydrocoidien talking,honest...on the way for my root canal in an hour )

First of all, Krex, thanks for responding to my dream post. I feel like you were reaching out to me and it made me feel much better that you cared enough to do that. I think you are on to something about the hair being a woman's "crowning glory" and related to health, power and strength. Yes, that definitely works. I have been trying to visualize my former self, my fierceness, my lust for life. I never got that Rapunzel thing either, but now I see that connection to my dream of hair loss. If a woman's hair is her crowning glory, her strength, her health, her power, why would she let it down for the prince to climb up and then cut it off to keep him from leaving. So then, they're trapped in the tower, no way out, unless she grows her hair again so he can shimmy down, and it would take many years of her life before her hair would be long enough for him to make his exit. And when he does, she's still trapped in the tower, alone, she can't climb down her own hair to re-enter the world. Quite a story. Nothing like a fairy tale to paint a picture of reality.

I have only had a few past life dreams, but they were vivid and enlightening. In one, I was defective, could not speak or talk, but I could hear and understand what was being said by others. I was a servant, and thought to be ret*d, deaf and dumb, by the family I served. I lived in their basement and would sit at the top of the cellar stairs next to the kitchen door to hear them talking. That's as close as I could get to being a part of their family. Except when I escaped occasionally at night to secretly have sex with the Master of the house.

And then there was the one where I escaped from a reform school for girls. Again, I was thought to be ret*d and defective by my mother and father who sent me there. I was with two other girls and we were in a horseless carriage that moved very slowly. When I got to my parents house they were not thrilled to see me. I begged them to let me stay, but they were adamant that I had to go back to the reform school. I asked them to let me go to the convent and live with the nuns instead. We got into my father's car. I was in the back seat pleading for him to take me to the convent. He turned to face me and said "the only ones who would benefit by that move would be the priests." He seemed vicious and evil. I saw that he was really a woman inside a man's body and he had make up on and feminine hair. My mother was oblivious and only concerned with how she looked, she kept checking her appearance in the rear view mirror.

Heavy duty dreams, huh? There is no appropriate emoticon.

CC,honest to God,those dreams you describe are a milder version of my real life....very spooky.

I was adopted at 5 and trained by my mother to take over her house hold chores because she had better things to do(eating chocolat,while reading romance novels.)In her mind she was just preparing me fro my role as "housewife",in my mind,I was Cinderella from the age of 5...doing the dishes,dusting,cleaning the bathroom...there was a day for everything.I never felt a part of the family,no one intereacted with me other then to scold me when I didnt do the job right.No one shared my humor,my interests,my perspective on "life".I could always understand way beyond my ability to communicate my thoughts,so I felt like a mute.I did sneak out in adolescence to have sex with someone...but thankfuly,not the master of the house(which was my mother).She was also obsessed with her apppearance and weight and as a teen I wondered if she didnt hate me,in part,because I was thin and young?She certainly hated any attempts to feminise myself...no make-up,no shaving my legs,until I was 16.You should have seen the clothes she made me wear*shivers*.


When they kicked me out at 16,they wanted to send me to a Christian Science girls school.Your second dream sounds like my "alternative" reality....if I had excepted their offer instead of refusing and telling them I would just run away of I was sent.(I didnt want to leave my BF and was already disillussioned by the religion,as well as never having a decent relationship with females,who seemed to hate me.They tried to sweeten the deal by offering to get me a horse,if I went.(I do have days when I wish I had excepted...I love horses and would have gotten a better education and boys at y school just saw me as a slut,anyway)Did you second dream have a horse in it?

Spooky stuff.

{blink blink} Who? US? How can you possibly think....

Well, it certainly was reassuring to find out that even though I am "odd" (and there's no disputing that, though I've learned how to "act" quite well over the years) there are other "odd" folks of a similar nature. It was definitely difficult and quite often painful going through life thinking it was "only me" and that it wasn't something that had a name, it was just that I was "different". I had accepted who I am long ago. But it was a lonely kind of place, sometimes.

There are and still will be difficulties and there will still be pain, but at least I'm not alone anymore. And that makes an immense difference in how I feel when I go to sleep at night.



And that's the last gushy, smooshy, touchie-feelie thing you'll ever get me to write. So use it well.

Last edited by Nan on 05 Sep 2007, 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have writer's block today, so what Nan said.

krex wrote:

No, it was a "horseless" carriage. No roof to it. To me this dated the dream to the time when cars were first invented. Strangely enough, the first three letters of my name spell CAR. Actually, my father's first car which his father bought for him when he was fourteen years old and with which he chauffeured his father and mother around in, was a Model T Ford. He always had a huge interest in antique cars and so did his brothers. There was always one in our driveway.

Wikipedia: The automotive Brass Era is the first period of automotive manufacturing, named for the prominent brass fittings used during this time for such things as lights and radiators. It extends from the first commercial automobiles marketed in the 1890s down to about World War I. The term "Brass Era automobile" is a retronym for "horseless carriage," the original name for such vehicles, which is still in use today.
Model T Ford

Yes, Bubba.