A really weird question for females..??

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I'm not offended, and I understand. I used to hate my gender, in fact I starved myself so I wouldn't look so feminine, and so I would not get periods, leading to almost 2 decades of a disastrous case of anorexia. (I'm okay now!) I read a lot about transgendered people and really related because I felt trapped in my body. I fantasized about getting plastic surgery to remove my breasts and wanted to remove all the fat from my body with liposuction. I didn't want to be pretty and hated it when people reacted positively to my appearance. I tried to look undesirable, refusing to wear makeup and wearing ratty clothes and not combing my hair. Strangely, although I was a tomboy as a child (with only male playground buddies and no real friends) and went through phases where I wore no makeup and concealed my breast in sport bras and baggy clothes, today I have done a 180. After almost 30 years, I finally became comfortable in my female body. A lot of this had to do with reconciling myself to the fact that I'm different. I use to hate this so much I wanted to hide from everyone. As I gradually got more comfortable with my differences and learned that some were actually appreciated by others, I became more confident about every part of myself, eventually including my gender. Today, I don't hate wearing makeup, having my hair done and wearing skirts. I understand that they way I present myself impacts others, and my hatred of my gender made other people uncomfortable. Now I approach the way I look as part of my professional persona, although I think I'm not a cookie cutter in that respect.
I do want children, even though childbirth sounds scary. I think I'll be a good mother, with the help of my future husband and family. If my kids are autistic, they will be loved and understood by their mom.

This is a very interesting topic and one I have not thought about much in the past few years!

no its not a weird question. i don't really act gender normative either. i refuse to wear dresses, skirts, make up, heels, frills, jewellery or go shopping and do up my hair and all that. i like wearing mens and women's clothing and looking andro. it makes me smile when people ask is she a man or a woman? as for my boobs- when they first appeared i was really self conscious about them and would slouch to make them seem less evident but now i'm fine with them. it helps that they are small. i don't want to give birth either and i don't think i want children. i'm not known for being soft. its not that i don't like being a girl or am actively rebelling against the norm its just that i don't fit the traditional idea of feminine. its not me. i am creating my own definition of femininity.

You're likely an androgyne and hence transgendered rather than female.
You could desire a masectomy and such because your androgynously wired up brain
is not very compatible with a feminine or masculine body, and will make you less than happy with either.

Seek a transgender forum and compare with the androgynes there would be my recommendation.

I have determined that it is useful to be female, because it is more acceptable for females to cry than for males (which I can't help doing when I'm overstimulated).

I also don't particularly mind the physiology because I think females have nice bodies. Could live without the periods though. That would be awesome.

I have typically been a tomboy myself, but lately I have been trying thing like makeup and dresses and dressing up to see what it is like. Makeup is useful for stopping my skin from being oily -- I hate it when it is oily. I don't like dresses or skirts or heels because they are uncomfortable, but I found some comfortable heels (! !!) and I don't mind those much.

"Female" behaviour confuses me though, particularly women my age (early 20s). Why do young women scream pointlessly? What is with shopping? Why shoes, of all things? Etc.

Yes... one therapist actually wanted me to be on "What Not To Wear"... she has Aspie traits too so I was a little surprised, then again it could have been an accidental blurt, my father does that all the time. (That made me remember my son talking about the "holes" in my face, lol)

I let my contracting business implode last year because I couldn't deal anymore with the constant, and I mean constant, bullying, sabotaging, condescension and actual fraud as a domination tactic from 90% of humans, including some family members.
Used to love to play sports as a youth until I figured out that they weren't going to let me play because I was a girl...
Could never stand that scratchy, stupid frilly lace~ what child would like it, anyway?
Would rather rescue wild animals any day than (gag) do a Ladies Luncheon, of course it entirely depends on the ladies who attend the luncheon.
I wear make-up if I am worried about getting pictures of me taken, I go through phases where I like dresses for comfort (they're only currently a female thing anyway, like make-up)
Can't understand how women wear high heels to work.
Most of my friends are male.
Have no real life female friends, they have always turned on me, the nicer I am to them the meaner they are to me, so I have given up. Only female friends I still have are long distance online, and my Mom. One after another they have done this thing where they don't seem to even notice that I am a person who deserves the same amount of respect as everyone else... Very creepy... Plus I do not get, and can not stand, those control games that they seem to enjoy playing with other people.
Completely Hetero.
This all seems to piss people off even more because I am really small and blond~
I think it really comes down to the fact that I (speaking for myself) am not very conditionable like other people (NT's?) because of not recognizing social consequence cues for "being" a certain way, so they can't herd me into acting like them. I do not respond with glee when a woman trashes another just because they are jealous, and I treat both genders the same way. Frankly I abhor any attempt at social control from another; I am what I was born as, and someone else's version of "female" has nothing to do with me.

This seems like way too much, lol~ just meant to say "Yeah me too"

There are some things that make me a non-typical girl: I'm not romantic at all, I hate gossip, small talk and shopping (I actually feel sick if I stay more than half an hour in a hypermarket), I can never notice the physical changes in others (dyed hair, new haircut, new blouse etc.) and, unlike all the girls and women around me, I like myself and my body and I know how to take compliments without begging for others.

Instead, I love dresses and scarves as much as I love snickers, I've always loved children and always wanted to have one (I'm still waiting for that moment).

Last edited by mirela on 24 Apr 2011, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Physically being female is okay, but yes, I do hate the stereotypes and prejudice associated with it . I don’t think I’d be happy as a man either though, because they have their own stereotypes to deal with, such as not having any emotions. I can understand wanting to be genderless, it would get rid of a lot of these problems.

I've always used the term "gender neutral" when explaining how I feel about myself and how I think society should function; funny that you've used the same wording.



I think I have the most issue with what society says a man and woman should be but, do not really have any qualms with my biological role, others than hormonal grievances. Having a menstrual cycle, estrogen based mood swings and my up-coming menopause sucks donkey butt and labor hurts but, being pregnant and having a new baby is a miraculous thing.

The over-sexualized and brainless females seen in the media has trained girls, in our society, to think that certain behaviors and actions are the benchmark for being an adequate female. I strongly disagree with the criteria of what it is to be a woman. Make-up, high heels, dresses and the rest of the fashion paraphernalia are unnecessary rituals that only function to allow a female to play a certain predetermined role within the dance of our currant society. I am not saying that I do not ever wear make-up or dress in a sexy manner but, I do it deliberately for certain events. To me, its the same as putting on war paint and dressing down for battle. Otherwise, it is a waste of time and energy that could be better spent in other ways.

**Edit:
Wanted to say that I have always been a bit of a "tom boy". I was reading through this thread after posting and realized that most of you are like me in this, to one degree or an other. I hate shopping because it gets overwhelming, exhausting and, frankly, there are too many people. I dislike most female clothing because it is not comfortable, preferring jeans and sweat shirts. My interests are more in line with a male "geek" or philosopher from the renaissance. My mannerisms are rough and my brain and personality are more biological inclined towards masculine thinking and behaviors. I am emotionally "flat" most of the time, unless overstimulated. All of these things are the autism though... I am planning to get a tattoo soon and would love to learn to ride a motorcycle. I have always wanted to do certain things, for self expression, that others very much disapproved of because they felt it wasn't fitting for a female. Self expression is the goal of my signature below. Thanks for this thread, it is validating!