Cassandra Affective Disorder

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Thats all we can only do and to be honest guess I am still trying to figure if in fact I myself have affected others, guess we all do... but relationship wise is never easy for anyone on or off the autism spectrum, and I can not help but wonder if its really the autism bit or the break down in the relationship anyway.

I of course realize many of us have suffered from lack of understanding ourselves, but often when we enter relationships we know what the person is like, its when we try and change get them to conform into what they are not the problems start... or of course if they chnage and become more confidence within themselves, all I can say with understanding and change myself my own relationship is 110% better as now able to explain reasons for things I could not before. Our relationship suffered before because my husband was intolerable of my differences by not understanding them, but I am still the same person he first met....

I believe all relationships go through growth and change, and its how willing we are to grow with the other person... we all need support at times, but do feel we should not blame it on our partners differences, if anything with awareness like my relationship its strengthen it, but then maybe there was a good solid base in the first place....

But I guess we all have to take our own journeys and do whats right for us at the time...

I used to blame myself always and forgive the actions of others too readily, which put me in line to take a lot of abuse because people see a weakness or vulnerability like this and they will take advantage of it every time. It took me a very long time to learn how to not be the victim every time I turned around. It's easy for us to doubt ourselves but over time it all became clear. I'm not a liar either so this is another thing I never knew enough to suspect in others. It's a mine-field but I've learned to identify those things in order to avoid them and not let others take advantage of my innocence and gullibility.

When growing up the times I was taken advantage of for being innocence and gullibility.. damaged by those I most trusted and when I lost all confidence within myself, my thought again. I hate to think of young adults relationship wise, having to cross the same mine filed as me. Sadly how ever I may wish to inform others, not everyone wants to know or understand.. if only our differences were not invisible, but at least in this day and age its easier to find reason, understanding and acceptance than it ever was not so long ago, maybe there is hope for the future

My innocence and gullibility held on for much of my adult life too. It doesn't make sense given my upbringing but that was me nonetheless. I still have to watch myself because I tend to think literally and am slow to catch things or when I do it's too late, IRL much more so because of my hindrances with verbal communication. There's always hope, that much is sure!

Its sad I guess we have to hope for change, but for now while NTs may have to put up with the odd aspie traits, we often have to put up with most of societies ignorances...

A different take:
2 NTs in a relationship, things start to go wrong... so they stick a label on the other person and blame them

You marry someone whose personality appeals to you. I wonder how many married Aspies are really married to "NTs"?
I mean, my wife is by no means "neurotypical." She thinks sometimes that she might ahve Asperger's, too, but I doubt it. SHe has a combination of ADD, genearlized anxiety disorder/OCD, and PTSD (abusive family background). Yes, I get on her nerves sometimes, but, if she were "neurotypical," she never would've married a weirdo like me to begin with.
When my profile on the singles site we met on asked for my personality, I wrote "Weird."
Later, her best friend asked, "You thought that was an appealing characteristic?"
She replied, "I thought he was joking. I didn't realize he was serious!"
WHenever she says anything, I say, "Hey! I was upfront with you. I told you my personality was weird!"
THen she laughs and shoots back, "I didn't think you were serious!"

All these things presuppose that people are "normal" to begin with in any given relationship.

I have found that my husband is very capable of showing empathy and giving support when he knows that is what I need. Granted it is exhausting to him and if I needed it non-stop I think it would be absolute torture. But I have found that if I can ask clearly and directly for what I need that he is capable and more than willing to help me out. I think many NT's have to learn to be more direct instead of expecting their partner to read their mind and and then getting upset when they can't. I also think marriage is a compromise. I know that it is hard on my husband to hear me vent so I find other outlets like journaling so I don't have to vent on him too much.

As for CAD, I think it is just a fancy term for codependency, and most enabling spouses were enablers before they married anyway. That is why they often choose the partners that they do. I know because I came from a home where I was taught to enable my Narcissistic mother and it is only through the love and loyalty of my AS husband that I have come to clearly see that enabling for what it was and take better control of my own life while letting go of trying to control the lives of others.

So well said and such an important point.. think time to forward this thread to Tony Attwood, will let you all know if ant response!

have to second that.

Cassandra Affected Disorder - people who see the future and are compelled to tell the truth about it (in a dramatic way, hence the 'affected'), but are never believed. In addition to the usual 'I told you so' from the significant other, you get 'I already told you so, last week...but you didn't listen'...

Lots of researches do this sort of bit, so that they can get credit for a new line of research. This goes up there with the person who discoverd 'Nintendo thumb', or whatever it was...

The problem with Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder is that blames the aspie autistic. Aspie autistics are not engaging in "bad" behavior, in the sense of an alcoholic who abuses her or his spouse. We are just aspie autistics. Rather than coming up with a "disorder," Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder, I think it is better to simply work on issues of social dynamics. We need to encourage tolerance, not blaming.

Agree with most of Alex statements but "alzhiemers are all personal problems"
hmm no. It's a very real brain disorder that can be seen on brain scans
I was the primary caregiver of my grandmother with Alzheimer's for 5 years. It is one of the most devastating conditions anyone could ever go through.

Dead thread is dead - almost three years dead.