The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I sorta saw the correlation as the 'a woman with out a man is like a fish with out a bicycle.' sorta thing.

To which I reply: Huh???? </while sounding like Scooby-Doo>
Good night everyone I need to be fit tomorrow to climb some mole-hills.

krex, birds are warm blooded. good luck there. you'll know the right name when you run across it.
mom, sorry you got the bug. there's a bunch of really nasty ones going around.

blues brothers did a passable job of "sweet home chicago" ....

That rain reminds me of living in Hawaii. The clouds was a mile or two above the island and the rain came straight down. Living under a metal roof is the only security against that kind of rain, and the constant drumming of the variatal types of downpour can hypnotize. I choose the rain, and live in Oregon near the rainforest coast, just to be in all that fresh and salt water.

Merle

I would imagine the trees are quite lovely, as well. From the photos in the books.

The snow turned to rain here at about 3:00. It has been raining ever since. I had no complaints at all about the damp weather, until I had to go to Walmart with lil' girl tonight. I forgot she has a birthday party to go to tomorrow. Anyhoo, I got in my van, sat in my seat and landed right in a puddle. The seat was soaked! Apparently my lovely van has no weatherstripping around the doors anymore!! The rain came right in and onto my seat. I spent a lovely half hour walking through Walmart with a big wet spot on my butt! Nothing like walking around with soggy pants to make a person even more self-conscious. Not to mention the heebie jeebie sensory issues produced by clingy, wet denim!

Nan, Have a glass for me! And enjoy the your alone time!

I wholly appreciated your vehicle open to the elements story. I found the cost to repair my convertable top prohibitive and combined with the half pint leak in my transmission fluid I am going to finally abandon my car.
I drove it through the car wash just to see what I could expect this winter and it was like driving through Katrina wit the top down.
When I move at the end of the year - back up to Portland, OR I will get a Vespa and take mass transit.
End of an era, Lauri. . but thinking of you in your wet butt in Walmart, it got me laughing out loud. We are such fashion plates when we go out.

Merle

I survived the bar having had a relatively good time thanks to the live music. There was only one trauma/drama event and it was resolved enough that I could go on with the evening and so could the rest of the group. It involved peer pressure to dance with a gentlemen that was a friend of a friend. I polietly declined numerous times but was still pressured. I gave my friends that look that I know at least one knows means 'I need your help, say something now please!!'. No one said anything except goading from one person in the group so I gave in. They didn't notice that my eyes were red until I got back from the dance. All of the sudden it was like Oh MY GOSH, are you OK?! I excused myself to the bathroom before the tears came, tried to calm down and explain my reaction to my best friend at the same time, only partially successful at either.

We I got back to the group I gave the guy a very quick hug and a smile (hopefully it came out as a half decent smile) to reassure him that everything was ok. I tried to be jovial and thankfully everyone seemed to get the point that if I insist that I don't want to do something then they should just not argue and accept my wishes. Other than that the only odd stuff was entertaining because I got quite a few comments about that fact that I was reading a book in a bar.

I just wish I knew how to control the reaction to cry. Once I step out for a few minutes to collect myself there is a bit of time when I am even more upset with myself because I know it is not logical or rational to be crying in that situation.

I think some factors were:
being forced
my pleas (though looks that I know 2 people understood) being ignored
embarrassment
the feeling of 'giving in' because I didn't see another good choice
not being able to follow the social cues to get through a simple slow dance
knowing that the gentlemen that was trying to do a good thing would probably never understand my reaction

there are probably other factors but I am feeling exhausted now

any suggestions on how I could handle a situation like that better? Or why a simple dance was so traumatic?

by other factors, have you considered?
1. that to meet and dance with the young man might have been the reason your friends drug you out to the bar?
2.your please were objections they over ruled, not ignored.
3. that the young man in question was more than 'trying to do a good thing' he just might be interested in you
4. and the young man might have been charmed rather than feel pity at your reaction

just sayin'

Merle

Ooeerr, Merle. You've made me come over alll "argumentative".

1. "that to meet and dance with the young man might have been the reason your friends drug you out to the bar?"
   
   Could they not have said? Were they insensitive enough that they did not know that she wouldn't be impressed.
   
2. "your please were objections they over ruled, not ignored."
   
   Surely, ignoring her pleas would have been more acceptable behaviour than hearing and understanding them, then wilfully rejecting them? Do they care that little?
   
3. "that the young man in question was more than 'trying to do a good thing' he just might be interested in you"
   
   As what? An object to be seen in bars with? He obviously has no interest in her mind, as he has taken no notice of it. If he had any genuine interest, he could have known enough to have brought a book to read, too.
   
4. "and the young man might have been charmed rather than feel pity at your reaction"
   
   What difference does that make? And indeed, where is there anything to feel pity for?

All the sequence says to me is that someone was forced into a position that they (largely) didn't like, then further intimidated until they could no longer handle it, with pressure all the way to act like the crowd.

As to how to handle the situation better, saying "No" and sticking to it. "No", to the dance, and then "OK" to the subsequent "If you don't want to dance, would you like to talk about xyz? If not, then will you mind if I sit down here and do some more of my knitting?".

Well, I can at least set one thing clear, I think. I wasn't brought there to be introduced to this one person. I'm not sure if I will be successful in explaining this but I will try. I'm you could probably already guess but I don't meet the age requirement for the thread since I am only 24 years old. I've spent most of my life talking with people who are older than me so I feel more at home in this room than I would in a lot of others in this Forum. Please don't send me back to play with the kiddies. *puppyface* Oh shoot, I guess I shouldn't make puppy faces to convince you I should stay in the adult forum, should I?

That being said I still only date people close to my age range and this 'gentlemen' was probably nearly twice my age. That is something that I know my best friend would freak out over if it were a case were I met someone I likes and introduced them or something like that. She is very protective over me because she is like my sister and I have had a relationship in the past that ended very badly with me calling 911 and ending the engagement in one night for my safety.

Hmm, I'm getting a bit lost here on explaining this, too many side topics.

I've tried to write things but I keep erasing them.

Right or wrong I didn't get the impression that they brought me there for that purpose. I know my best friend missed the friends she had made there and not seen for a long time. I found out afterwards that my best friend told his friend to tell him not to ask me to dance. That didn't work. So when he still in insisted in a manor that was not flirting but like "I just can't let this person sit here" they just stood there. They knew and gave me looks that said, "Just do it, I can't say anything to change it." What it meant to me is that they were being to cowardly to risk looking bad socially by standing up for something that would seem illogical to everyone else. That illogical thing being my firm stand on not dancing.

It felt like a good natured pity dance.

I had four people standing around me staring at me. I realized that I had make my request firm with each person one by one either out loud or with my eyes and they clearing gave me looks that said they knew what I was asking. At that point my emotions did that switch that from level 2 or 3 to level nine because I don't always have those levels in between. I was on the verge of crying in front of them all so I felt I couldn't yell at them so I could run to the bathroom and have the same problem when I got back, leave and go home or give in and dance.

No one understood that I was happy being near my friends while they conversed. My CAPD won't allow me to follow nearly anything said to me in a bar if it is direct much less between 3 or more people. So listening to good music, reading my book and being near but not involved made me very happy. I guess I don't make the correct faces though on top of that being a concept they can't grasp someone enjoying. To me my face said, "I'm relaxed and happy" when no one was talking to me. My group and random people kept asking if I was bored and I thought it was because they just couldn't see past the fact that I had a book.

oh, for Pete's Sweet Sake, Lau, you are thinking like an Aspie!

don't you know NTs think we can be "normal" if we just TRY???

sheesh

I apologize because I don't know if I am making sense. I am very shaky right now and upset more because I know I shouldn't be reacting so badly. I don't know how to come down from what shouldn't have been such a traumatic event.

I think you're probably right on all points there.

Maybe because it was coerced, against your will? See those words together like that before anywhere? And you felt what you felt because that's what it feels like to be shoved along, regardless of your wishes.

People are dense sometimes. It's when they learn from what you are able to show them by reacting that they show if they're really your friends or not. Crying is one of the best ways to show some emotions that I know of (even when you don't want to show them). And almost everyone notices it, and realizes that it signals something other than minor distress.

Ewww, your poor butt! Cold wet denim. That's up there with itchy wool knee socks, only soggier! And colder.

One glass, half an hour of good music, a couple of chapters in a book on castle architecture that's overdue now (oops!) at the library, and I fell asleep. Like a rock. I haven't had more than two or three hours sleep a night without interruption since, hmm, I guess mid-September. That sure felt good. Though I've got a bit of a sleep hangover - I just hit the door jamb with my shoulder coming back in from feeding the cats. (No, one glass was it. Reeeeally cold, rather nice. But I'm a flyweight, can't drink much.) Kid's still gone at almost 10:00am - I'd imagine they stayed up all night watching scary movies and eating popcorn. Hopefully not getting into her friends' aunties' liquor cabinet. I bet they sleep until noon.

Woke up to the kitty-cat rodeo scene on my bed. The young blind kitten (the abuse case we're fostering) was bouncing off the walls doing the "i'm an insane playful kitten" thing, chasing the older blind cat (we fostered him, too, a few years ago, but he sorta never left) and him doing his "i'm a ninja cat" thing back at her (they're both blind, neither has eyes, so they've worked out this system of communication that I haven't figured out yet). The really old cat (he's 17) got ambushed by them (double-teamed him) as he came waddling in from the kitchen and he just gave a disgruntled "just stop that this instant, you young punks" meow and the "kids" ran down the hall roaring the whole way. The grouchy old cat, Wiskers, just sat in her cave in the corner, growling whenever one of them got within two feet of her. (Lucky me, I have to go pry her mouth open and shove her daily medicine down her throat in a minute.) The foster kitten, Foamy, has finally realized that Wiskers is all bluff, and occasionally takes great glee in harassing her by sneaking up on her from behind, whapping her or her cat basket, and then running a few feet away. Wiskers always responds with a hiss and a growl, flattened ears, all the postures. Hasn't figured out that the kitten is just messing with her yet.

I live in a zoo.

Hmmm. I could, hypothetically, go anywhere I wanted and have almost any thing I wanted for breakfast this morning. Nobody saying "I don't like that" or "It's too crowded" etc., except me. Hmmm . Chocolate chip bagels sound really good. They should be just coming out of the oven at the place across the street right now, preparing for the lunch rush....

Ya'll have a good day. I'm going to go see if there's a movie anywhere that's worth watching. And get some popcorn and a soda and sit on the second row in the second section up from the screen. In the middle. : )

Seeyas

I think that I have had enough time to be mostly back to normal now. Thank you for listening and for your advice. I think if my friend asks me to go with her again I will only agree on a certain condition. She has to agree that if my NO is not accepted by someone else then she must back me up. I have had too many instances when no matter how vehemently I say no it is seen as 'cute' by NTs and not taken seriously at all. If my word doesn't have enough weight and she won't back me up then I wont go. Enjoying a situation in my own way if fine while being forced to try and enjoy the situation in a 'normal' way is not.

Enjoy your movie Nan. I think I might try that later myself.