The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I was thinking the other night about how I walk, where my face is, where my eyes go naturally. It is an effort, conscious, to keep the outside flow of things in view, eyes wondering. It was necessary in parts of my other life. When I say I'm not a saint, you best believe it, that my back was against a wall and my eyes on the openings to a room wasn't just paranoia, it was important. I tend to look down, at the floor if you will. The obvious is Huxley's the Doors of Perception, but you know that. I think you described what I see in it very well and it is different and will be to others. Which lends to the title and your observation, someone is going to look at it differently. We may look at the floor, but that does not mean we aren't active to what's around us, it may just be over whelming, but we are attuned and I don't care if anyone thinks it or not. Always trying to figure out something, either in our head world or our surroundings, like there is really any choice in the matter sometimes. I think it lends itself to trying to figure it all out, our doors, how to fit in and a different way to approach it, coping skills to be formed or improved upon. Maybe that's way I just look at the psychedelics as just an amplifier, both good and bad sides of it, I was already there. But the kind he (Huxley) did, always treated me better, much mellower. Unfortunately, I live for the intense, so when it was good it was very good, when it was bad it was very bad.

The floor is just where my gaze would rather be. That very often we're in an environment we wouldn't choose if we had a real choice. Harrison's song..I look at it all and I see the floor needs sweeping, while my guitar gently weeps, or something close. So it can be a form of what would appear to be a sign of sadness. But in the song he is very good at lending it to a piece of well done word image. Great song and I don't think it suffered any because Clapton helped.

With me I put it to good use. With me, while I searched the many thousands of square miles for Native American sites, still unknown, my eyes were always on the ground, looking for what didn't fit that picture. Subtle changes that would escape the normal eye. Hell I walked for hours at a time, ate my food while walking, I just did not stop, for huge amounts of time. Obsession at work. I did it for years, about 15 before the pro world opened. I still walk with my eyes to the ground, unless, I'm forced into being polite to those around me. But when my eyes are up, I'm doing the Anthro thing, body language reading and listening for what isn't being said, that's when I get accused of reading minds. I already know what's going to come out of their mouths, NT's are predictable for the most part. Unless you meet a smart one, then it isn't hard to find a mutual obsession or something in between the buttons. In Between the Buttons is a Stones album by the way.

Thanks for the concern Blessedmom.I haven't even begun to look for another job.This one had mellowed out enough to make the process seem"put offable".Focusing on getting the apartment cleaned and the magazine seemed more immediate issues.The former is mostly resolved and the latter is driving me insane for various reasons.Part of me always wants to say...screw everything and go "make something" fun,(which is what I thought the magazine would be,ha.)

I dont act because I cant decide what To do.That is both true of my job hunting and my situation at work...because I could not decide the proper thing to do,I just kept busy cleaning,something I knew how to do right.I was paralysized by indicission and I am when it comes to what job to look for....I just want to read and make things and get paid for it,who wouldnt?Going back into social services seems very depressing to me but it is the only thing I have done for 16 years.Nothing else sounds all the appealing either......deciding is important because once I act it is hard for me to change directions...I was stuck at the last job fr 4 years,even though I wanted to quit for the last 3 of them.(I always start by being optimistic and assuming the best and only after being hit over the head with reality oer 100 times,do I let myself admit the problems)


Anyway,I wish you well in your choices and hope your family can learn to adjust to the changes.It isnt fare that wives and moms seem to get stuck in the ...."your not allowed to change because you are the only stability in my life"because they are
developing intitiies to....even "rocks change" when exposed to the weather,nothing is meant to stay stagnant....but change means everyone around you has to "adjust" and they need to be willing to do that(me thinks).

"Floors of Perception" That would be a great title of a chapter dealing with whatever meds the shrinks put us on.

More like this?


This is a full grooved axe. The material isn't so important, again exceptions. But as a rule, metamorphic stone, often just found or imported from glacier till.
If this fits it better, I'd have to actually find my books, I can't pull dates out of my head anymore. Been away from it too long.

I have seen a guy make one on his coffee breaks, just using what is called the pecking method. He didn't bother to polish it, although the blade itself is a form of polish, after the pecking. I always end up breaking the damn things before I ever get one done. But he did it in short order, hafted it and cut down a very small tree with it. The tree had to go anyway.

I can still make "arrowheads" just using another stone. Even notching them, which to my knowledge isn't a known way of doing it. Although I do find pressure flaking easier to do for the notching.

Yeah ok, I did work near that area. We stayed in Mount Laurel, but the work was on the Rancocas River. Hit a hellava feature on a bluff over looking the river, the interstate noise was freakin deafening. Never did figure out what that feature was, it was of laid up stone, never have seen anything like it before or since. The pipeline still went through it, but they protected it using padding. The project area was huge, but like all of them you have to stay on the right of way, even if there is something of huge import 2 meters away.